Wedding Fever

Image: Fashion of Philly

The constant chirping of the phone wakes her up. She tries to get her befuddled mind to block the annoying sound. She reaches for her phone with slow, sleep-dazed movements until she finally finds it. 

‘Why wouldn’t it just shut up?’ She thinks to herself. ‘Maybe if I just ignore them, they will go away’. 
 
She tucks the phone beneath her pillow to muffle the sound. 

Silence! 

Now she can return to her blissful sleep! 

Just as she snuggles into her very comfortable bed and begins to feel the tentative grip of sleep…

‘Chirrrrrpppppppppp…’
 
She flails her arms in exasperation and flings her pillow to the far end of the room.
 
‘WHAT?!’ She shouts as soon as she picks up the phone, looking at her glow-in-the-dark wall clock and realizing that it was three’ O clock.

‘Ore mi! Wake up jare! I’ve got the most exciting news!’
 
Gbemi. She sighs. 

Gbemi is an overly dramatic lady and it is no wonder that she is calling Mara at 3am. 
 
Mara: ‘You do realize it is the middle of the effing night right, yeah?’
 
Any other person would have quietly dropped the phone and called back. But no…not Gbemi! Gbemi was never phased by Mara.

Gbemi: ‘See you! Lazy bones! Wake up and listen jare…’

If any one is a lazy bone, it is Queen Gbemisola Aransiola herself! She has never worked a day in her life. Don’t be lolled into thinking she is a spoiled daughter of a wealthy family. Far from it! In fact, Gbemi is from a poor home; well…not piss poor but definitely not middle class comfortable either. Some days, they can afford to eat a little piece of meat and some other days, Garri and Kuli-Kuli (without sugar, milk or even cold water). Mara, lost in thought, doesn’t hear what Gbemi says.

Gbemi: ‘…to me and I screamed!’
 
‘Gbemi…Sleep still dey my head. Wetin you dey talk?’ Mara asked while muffling a yawn.
 
Gbemi: ‘Mtcheeewwww! Stop forming sleep jare and listen! I said Jafar came over yesterday…’

She goes on and on, not realizing that Mara is drifting in and out of sleep. But Mara jolts out of her sleep at one word.
 
‘…proposed to me! I couldn’t breathe! OMG!…’

So that was it! Gbemi was engaged! No surprise there since that had always been her life long dream.

Like many girls, Gbemi looked forward to her wedding day. She planned carefully how she’d look, what kind of dress she’d wear, her shoes and accessories and even the reception venue.

Like a good number of girls too, every time she went for a wedding, or glanced at a wedding magazine or even watched any of the big society weddings, she always changed her own wedding plans. She lived for that day when she would say the golden words: I DO.
 
Gbemi is a school dropout. She had come to the conclusion that educating a woman was pointless since she would end up as a wife, a mother, a lover, cook, cleaner and home maker. After dropping out, she proceeded to make herself as attractive as was humanly possible so she could catch the ‘highest bidder’ and live the fab life.

It was no surprise then that Jafar, son of the wealthy Abdullahi Wasa found her irresistible at a party he attended. What was a surprise was that he remained enamored of her when he discovered her family earned as much as one of his cleaners. Jafar refused to let her go and somehow got his parents to accept her as his girlfriend.

Gbemi’s friends, including Mara, thought that he just wanted her for fun. So Mara’s reaction was not from jealousy but shock. 

Mara: ‘Did you say Jafar proposed to you?’
 
Gbemi: ‘Duh! Are you suddenly deaf?! He not only proposed, he wants us to be married in three months!’
 
Mara shot out of her bed. ‘THREE MONTHS?! Are you pregnant or something?!’
 
Gbemi: ‘Abegi! No jare! I’m not. He just can’t wait to have me all to himself. I’m getting married baby!’

When the conversation was over, Mara couldn’t go back to sleep. Gbemi is her best friend and though Mara had begged her to stay in school, she blatantly refused. Gbemi believed that a man was supposed to provide all a woman needs while she takes care of the home front. Mara tried to tell her that she needs to make herself relevant as marriage isn’t the essence of existence. All her pleas fell on deaf ears; Gbemi was bent on getting married to a rich dude who would take care of her for life.

When Mara started to sleep off, she realized that Gbemi didn’t know what she was getting into. As she finally fell into that world of unconsciousness, her alarm clock buzzed. She had to get up and prepare for work. She shouted like a banshee, expressed her frustration at her innocent pillow and finally got up. 

Over the coming weeks, Gbemi became a thorn in Mara’s side. She would call at all hours to talk wedding plans. Her every conversation was laced with her upcoming wedding. What was worse was that she could turn ANY conversation into something about her wedding.

For instance, last month when they were in the market buying things for dinner, a truck sped and caused many Okada riders to swerve off its path. This caused a minor accident. When Mara complained about the truck driver speeding in a crowded market, Gbemi replied by saying, ‘My wedding convoy will proceed so slowly, people will think a queen is making a procession’. If Mara could have removed her eyes to roll them, she sure would have done so.

When they watched Transformers, Gbemi said, ‘On my wedding day, my transformation will be so epic, people might not know it is same old me oh’.

What was worse was that two weeks to her wedding, her mum told her that one of their distant uncles had died and she replied, ‘Eyah…he is going to miss my wedding oh!’

Gbemi was so obsessed with her wedding plans that she wasn’t even planning for the marriage itself. She was not asking major questions about what was expected of her. She couldn’t see that Jafar was having multiple affairs and was suddenly indifferent to her. She didn’t realize that her constant talk of her wedding was putting a rift in her friendships. All she talked about, from the moment she woke up, to the very moment she succumbed to sleep, was her wedding, her wedding, and guess what? Her wedding! She was so caught up in the throes of wedding fever, she didn’t see that Jafar no longer wanted to get married.

On the day of her bachelorette party, all her friends were gathered and having fun. Many had too much to drink and started mocking her. She got a wind of what they were saying. ‘I slept with him last night…’, ‘I will be sleeping with him tonight…’, ‘I own him!’, ‘No! He is mine…’.

When both girls started to fight, Jessy (one of their friends) shouted, ‘Can you be anymore foolish?! Fighting over a guy who is getting married! Grow up ladies! Jafar is taken!’. And though they were in a club, you could literally hear a pin drop. Gbemi was a picture of shock. Her mouth quivered, the tears formed…and dropped! She ran out of the club, with Mara fast on her heel.

Mara took her home. As she cried, Mara rained all manner of insults on Jafar. If her mum had heard the words Mara used, she would have had to wash her mouth out with soap. When Gbemi was finally out of tears and somewhat coherent, she said, ‘The…these (hic) girls just sp…spoiled (hic) mmm…my wedding puu…pu…plans (hic). After all the (hic) plans I put in.’ She began to cry again and after much consolation, fell asleep and a very weary Mara fell asleep beside her.

 
The constant chirping of the phone wakes her up. She tries to get her befuddled mind to block the annoying sound. She reaches for her phone with slow, sleep-dazed movements until she finally finds it. 
 
‘Why wouldn’t it just shut up?’ She thinks to herself. ‘Maybe if I just ignore them, they will go away’. 
 
She tucks the phone beneath her pillow to muffle the sound. 

Silence! 

Now she can return to her blissful sleep! 

Just as she snuggles in to her very comfortable bed and begins to feel the tentative grip of sleep…
 
‘Chirrrrrpppppppppp…’. 
 
She flails her arms in exasperation and flings her pillow to the far end of the room.
 
‘WHAT?!’ She shouts as soon as she picks up the phone, looking over at her glow-in-the-dark wall clock and realizing that it was three’ O clock.

‘Ore mi! Wake up jare! It is my wedding day and you are sleeping! At this rate, we will not be ready in time for the service!’

You see, for girls like Gbemi, the wedding day is the most important day of their life. The only cure to this fever is just to let it run its course!