Photo by Mikhail Nilov in Pexels
By Marire Adebanjo
I stared at his eyes as he made several sexist statements. He has been spilling unreasonable comments since we started our conversation. I just couldn’t comprehend his thought process and why he was talking like this. I couldn’t believe what I just heard.
“Why makes a woman think she can be higher than a man?”, he said.
At that, I felt like I had entertained enough of his rubbish. What would make a man think like that? Does he think women aren’t human? Does he think women cannot reason or have ambition? What made him think that way? I just couldn’t hear another word from him.
But…I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I was reading too much in this situation. Maybe my hatred for sexism in all its forms was clouding my judgement. I asked, “What do you mean?”
“Like why would a woman want to be higher than a man or earn more than her husband?”, he responded
Does he expect me to agree with him or what? I thought to myself
“There is no way you actually think that a woman can’t assume a higher position or earn more than her husband. Are you saying women do not have a reason or can’t be ambitious? Or if they find a job that pays higher, they should reject it because they don’t want to earn more than their husbands or future husbands? Or should they leave higher positions to men? I don’t think you can hear yourself.”, I retorted.
“Women who are richer than their husbands or are in higher positions than their husbands end up divorcing them. They are unable to submit to their husbands.” He responded
This really stirred up anger within me. I just couldn’t believe he actually thinks what he is saying is valid or normal.
“Is that why you think women shouldn’t be higher than their husbands financially or career-wise? Because of that pesky thing called submission? Do you think that is the only reason why they get divorced? Here is what it is: men who believe this or agree with this are insecure and unreasonable. So, because someone is female, we should not aspire to do more or earn more all in the name of a man or their man?” I said so rapidly, failing desperately at remaining calm.
“So, if your wife finds something better or gets the opportunity to assume a higher position in her career, she should refuse it because of your poor ego? C’mon now! We are in a civilised world, the 21st century at that and you still believe that is how life should be. You need to start purging your brain of such a mindset and start thinking straight and progressively. This is the world you want your daughter to grow up in? Where she won’t do things because a man thinks it is threatening to make waves in this world that is meant for all to strive for?” I continued.
“That is not what I meant!” He tried to cover up but failed. “It is just that women should allow men to be in higher positions and not struggle with them. Who will now take care of the home?”
I genuinely thought I was dreaming. Is he really saying these things to get me angry or does he really think them true?
“Are you kidding me?!!” I closed my eyes to make sure I did not lose it. Then, I inhaled and exhaled. I looked him in the eye, making sure he heard me deeply. “Marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship. Couples should work together to take care of the home they both created! You do not expect your wife to go to work and then return home at the same time as you and still clean, cook, and take care of the children while you laze around because you are tired!”
“Besides, how many women have become the President of Nigeria in our history? None! How many women have even managed to become the Vice-President of Nigeria? Still none! The percentage of wealthy women is still less than men in Nigeria and even globally. But here you are, worried that a woman earning more or in a higher position is a problem! You are the problem! You should educate yourself better and speak more reasonably.” I concluded
I stood up to leave. I couldn’t stand him anymore. Then, I turned around and held his shoulder. “Just so you know, you are about to get more triggered because we are just getting started. More women will continue to saturate the public space and make waves. More women will continue to empower others to know their rights and spread their wings. So, you better brace yourself or join the cause!”
With that, I walked away
***
At Shades of Us, we are all for women making waves in all spaces. Despite the advocacy and awareness we continue to push, women still do not receive the support and recognition they deserve. However, the more we speak about it, the more young girls and women see their potential and exercise their rights. Women are humans too and deserve to be free and strive for power.
