A Wake up ‘Konk’ on My Big Head
Ramat (AKA the Crazy One) I woke up this morning and as usual, I went online to get a sense of what happened in the hours that I slept. As I scrolled through Twitter, I basked in more stories about Beychella, was super proud of K.Dot’s Pulitzer, lost my cool at hearing of Cole’s album – which drops on April 20, 2018 – and got shocked out of my shoes by the fact that Joe Burden put his pettiness aside to compliment Nicki’s Chun Li. You can say I had a roller coaster morning. It was as I was going through these emotions that I stumbled on a tweet that made me bolt upright. It was, almost word for word, an idea that I came about sometime in December, 2017. I was supposed to begin implementation of the idea in January, 2018, with the culmination of my thought process coming together in June. I was excited about the prospect and kept envisioning what would happen when it finally became real. Somehow, I let January become April and till now, I hadn’t even put the idea to paper, talk more implementing the first stages. Rapsody Shaking her HeadCredit: Rapsody’s Giphy Channel I looked at the tweet over and again; from the eerily familiar design of the project, down to the words I wanted to use and I realized how, in wasting so much time, it would look like I was copying this idea when I finally did mine. I began to wonder why the flying hell I didn’t get to work when the idea first dropped. I didn’t have to think too far though. I knew exactly what the problem was! First, I didn’t think it was the right time. I wanted to wait for a perfect day to start, or when I wasn’t so busy with my day job, or when I felt writer’s energy. I know! That is not a thing. But I like it so, go and rest! Or whatever excuse came up to keep pushing it back. I really wanted things to be just right to get to work. But I waited. (Read wasted). And now, my idea is no longer just mine. Credit: NFL Giphy channel Honestly, this is the first time I have really felt bad about procrastinating. It is not like the idea was novel or I stood to make millions from it. I got the idea months ago and felt it was great. If you know me and my penchant for putting my work down, you would know that I almost never call any of my ideas great. But this one was! I was excited about deploying this idea and I knew it would change the lives of everyone who would come to share it. See what the delay has caused me?! Girl! You better get yourself together! The only plus side to this is that the idea is people-based and designed to provide a platform for people dealing with the varying degrees of dysfunction that plagues us as a people. No one has a monopoly on helping others. So yeah! Anyone who wants to colour me a copycat can go right ahead. But imagine if it was an idea that was life changing in the I-could-become-a-billionaire-if-it-takes-off kind of way. I could have just lost my ticket to living the fab life and taking vacations in Seychelles and Barbados because I procrastinated. I know that there are no guarantees in life but darn! Guarantees don’t come to people who waste opportunities because the time just wasn’t right! Sometimes, you really just have to make your Amala as the water is boiling. Credit: Giphy That tweet was the biggest wake up ‘konk’ on my big head if I ever saw one and boy am I rearing to go! I am not waiting for any perfect time or all that nonsense. I am going to put out stuff as they come and hope to get my groove and rhythm back on. So it is time to work work work work work work! PS: Ever wasted time on an idea and regretted it? Share your stories with me and we just might use it to inspire some people to get off that lazy arse!
Here is Why You should Subscribe to My Channel…Even though it is a Mess Now
My Vlog. Sigh. I started my video log in early 2016 as a way to put a face to my online persona and hopefully reach more people. But it wasn’t until I got a rude awakening at the end of 2015 that I began to think of my vlog. Settle in. I’ve got gist. I was a television presenter at a budding television station in the North Eastern part of Nigeria. I had been working as a radio presenter in the same corporation when I was invited for a screen test for the breakfast show of the station. At that point, it was the opportunity of a life time. You know how you don’t know you wantsomething but as soon as it is given to you, you immediately know that is what you need? Yeah! That was me! I was gleefully nervous but eager to try. After ten minutes of screening, they figured out that I could read the prompter and follow the direction of the camera; like a natural. I was told to resume work on Monday. Since it was a show that handled topical national issues, I went in with a brand of presentation that was heavy on getting to the fact of the matter. I researched each topic and prepared questions designed for context and clarity. I also had a penchant for asking tough questions; not necessarily because I wanted to be controversial but because I wanted to really know what was happening. I believed that if I understood the issue, then my audience would too. What was different about my style was that I didn’t defer to powerful people; even though I was dirt poor and could easily be crushed. If I didn’t like a person or a story been spun, you would know! And I didn’t like a lot of politicians! So, many times, I came out as brusque. You have to understand that I was working in a community where women were expected to be mild mannered and have little or no opinions. With me, that was impossible. I maintained my professionalism – whatever that was at that time – but if you think of a slightly toned down Maupe Ogun, you had my TV personality. From Left to Right: Me, Aaron Isaac and representatives of the Adamawa State Electricity Distribution Company on Safiya Breakfast Show. In October 2015, I had a run in with a top politician which led to my removal from the show. Okay…maybe I had a couple of those but this one had smoke coming out of the man’s ears. Let me put this into context. There were four of us who anchored the show. Two of them were mild mannered and very courteous to guests. Almost too courteous, I thought. The last person was so eager to be controversial that he deliberately sought out taboo topics on air. If he was doing it for knowledge sake, it could have been understood. But he was doing it for laughs and he and I didn’t work well together. Even though that was the case, Mr. Controversial and I were paired a lot on the show. The day we had the run in that broke the camel’s back was terse and one where I kept wondering why we were on the show together. We had a guest who was from a royal family in Adamawa State and an opposition political party stalwart. We were supposed to be talking about basic governance in the State and region. The show was going awry with some of the questions being asked by Mr. Controversial. I didn’t feel they had any baring on the topic of discussion. Unbeknownst to me, there was a lot of bad blood between our guest and many other powerful people in the community and those questions were deliberately asked to irk them. As soon as we got off air, we were told that we had set off a couple of fires and molten magma was heading our way. I didn’t know what it was that I had supposedly done, so I was cool. Plus, I cross-checked my questions and saw that none of them was trigger worthy beyond regular fact checking. My co-anchor was skittish but acting macho. The consensus was that we shouldn’t have asked certain questions. They went on and on. All the talk didn’t come from our producers, so I couldn’t be bothered. I went home…and missed the magma. Turns out all hell broke loose, drama was delivered, people were threatened, powerful men spread their wings and lots of begging followed to soothe frayed nerves. Then the hammer came. We were to be booted off the show. I received a call a day later informing me of the decision. When I went to the office the day after my removal, I saw that our replacement was so politically correct, that it bordered on arse kissing. Was this what they wanted me to be doing? Should I stroke the egos of powerful men to stay afloat? I scoffed! At that point, I knew that even if I was called back to the show, I wouldn’t do it. I neededto be true to myself but even more than that, I could not kiss anyone’s arse. I am too proud and pig-headed for that. Interviewing Professor Oluremi Sonaiya and Abdullahi Bulla, 2015 Nigerian presidential aspirant and National Treasurer (respectively) of KOWA Party This was when I decided that I was going to leave the station. Many things had come together to make me jaded about my stay in Adamawa State and I just wanted an opportunity to start over. I thought of going back to Kaduna State but remembered why I left in the first place. (I will find time to share that story, but not today). Then I thought about Abuja and wondered if it was the town for me. My mother lived in Abuja, there was opportunity for creatives and I would be close to home (Kaduna) if
The Birth of a Podcast
Crystal Starr with a MicrophoneGIF: Giphy February 7, 2013. Time, 5:25pm. I was in the ‘corpers’ lodge thinking of what I was going to have for dinner. I was low on cash and had been pretending I was on a fruit diet. That day however, I knew I couldn’t eat one more piece of fruit without going stark raving mad. As I pondered on whether to get Indomie or go to another corps member’s room to stylishly ‘beg’ for food, my phone rang. ‘What are you doing?’ Frama Ambrose. My boss in church. Or in plain terms, the head of our protocol unit. ‘Nothing much.’ ‘Get ready. I am coming to pick you in ten minutes. You are going to be on radio.’ I was shocked! Where was this man coming from? Who told him I could talk on radio? What was I going to talk about in the first place? The only coherent excuse I could come up with was, ‘I don’t have what to wear’. After a minute of laughter, he responded by saying, ‘It is radio. Nobody is going to see you.’ And that was how it began. That day, I was a guest on Campus 360, a show designed for students in tertiary institutions and the coolest show (at that time) on FM Gotel, 91.1. It was anchored by Stanley Innocent (another boss of mine). I can’t remember what we talked about that day but Stanley must have liked what he heard. He invited me for the next episode. I was so enamored of the show that I got my homie – Shade Opeyemi – to join in. We became regular features on the show. Like most things I love, I began to treat it like it was my project. I was doing research for the shows, talking to people about it and developing myself as I went. Stanley told me to understudy Toolz of The Beat FM and I fell in love with her style. She was sharp, witty, intelligent, fun and awesome. I wanted to be like her! It didn’t take me long to realize that I couldn’t but…I will get to that soon. A little over a month after my debut on Campus 360, the supervisor of the FM unit – Madam Chika Ngalome – asked that Shade and I come in for a meeting. She said she liked how we sounded and wanted to know if we would be willing to host a lifestyle program called StandOut. Shade and I said yes quickly. We were excited! Who would have thought we would have our own show on radio?! We were just two corps members who studied the sciences and we (probably) never imagined a life behind the microphone! And so we started. The show didn’t take off with the listeners because it was a bit abstract. We were talking fashion and lifestyle on radio and quite frankly, those two genres are better translated visually. Some topics hit more than others but it wasn’t so much. We got Azeezat Usman and Ololade Abdulkareem (my love) to join us on the show. We introduced new segments and tried to make it as relatable as possible. Honestly, I think it was a hard sell because I didn’t believe in the things I was talking about. Makeup? Didn’t wear them. Hair? Barely did mine. Clothes? I wore whatever was on the top of my box. I was just the wrong person for the show. But I loved it! I loved it so much that even though listeners weren’t connecting to the show, I kept at it. Then Rinji Kwarkas, one of the co-anchors on Campus 360 said to me, ‘Girlfriend. If you want to be taken seriously in this station, you need to be on one the flagship shows.’ These shows were Morning Splash (that handled topical issues) and Gotel Lunchbox, the station’s prime time entertainment show. I need to explain why Rinji made that statement. Everyone working on the shows I was on were all freelance presenters; we weren’t getting paid. We were basically doing it because we loved what we did. We wanted a platform and one was given to us. I was nearing the end of my service year with no prospects of what I was going to be doing afterwards. By this point, I knew I was going to stay on in Yola and run my blog but I needed something for money. So I knew I couldn’t do freelance anymore. I had to get paid! As the universe would have it, Madam Chika needed more Duty Continuity Announcers and asked if I would be interested. And Peter Cheman Koti, the person who produced and presented the flagship shows, had previously asked if I wanted to be on his show; to which I said no. I thought it was too much for me but as my monthly source of income started to dry out, I knew I needed to listen to Rinji. So I spoke to Peter and got on Lunchbox. He gave me a day to host the show and Carte Blanche to design it as I wanted. He shouldn’t have done that. (LOL) I completely switched his style and created my own thing. I only played songs off the billboard hot 100 charts, created some segments like How Smart Are You and Northern Flavor – the only instance I played Nigerian songs on my show – and music star profiling. My show was fun! I connected to a new audience that loved global pop culture, hip hop, R’n’B and celebrity gist. So Mondays and Wednesdays were for Nigerian sound, Tuesday (my day) was for international sound and Thursdays was a mixed of both worlds, anchored by Abdullahi Ahmed. Speaking of Abdul (as he was called by everyone), we hosted a couple of shows together and had good chemistry on air. It was a no brainer that when I finally decided to do the breakfast show – Morning Splash –
Seeking Validation Outside Myself
It has been a little over 40 days since I last put up any content on my blog, podcast or video log. In reality, it has been longer than 40 days since I wrote anything for my blog and even longer since I had a new video on my YouTube channel. So what was the problem? Why did I abandon my babies for more than 40 days? The answer is quite simple…but very complicated. I fell into a rut. You see, I started blogging in 2014 after a friend urged me to go beyond writing on Facebook. I was green-eyed, eager to get my work in front of new audiences and burning with a need to carve a niche for myself. I came at blogging like a child with a piñata; I was excited at the possibilities! As I put out content, the statistics started to excite me. Every day, new people were reading my work! And beyond that, they were liking, commenting, sharing and exposing my thoughts to audiences I didn’t even know existed. I began to receive emails from people in the United States of America, France, Netherland, Japan and more. It didn’t matter that my blog views were minimal (usually around 500 per month). All I cared about was that my work was being read by people around the world. I was elated! I looked at what other bloggers were doing and read stories of how people made money off their blog. I was piqued…but not overly so. I imagined that my content was not ‘worthy’ enough to make any money. Quite frankly, I didn’t even know what to do to make money. I was just happy to be putting out a little bit of me and getting major feedback. As 2015 began to wind down, I thought of diversifying the platforms with which I disseminated my stories. I thought of doing something radio- and television-like. At this point, I was a radio and television presenter in Yola, Adamawa State, Nigeria, and I had decided I was going to leave because I didn’t feel appreciated there. So I wanted to do something that kept me doing the things I loved the most and on platforms that appealed to me. But beyond that, I knew that while many people can adapt to all formats of information, some people just wanted to hear you and others, see you. So I conceived the idea of doing something along these lines to further widen my reach. At the beginning of 2016, I started my podcast which originally was an audio version of my posts on the blog. By April, I shot my first video log. I was beyond excited because I was doing something new, expanding the number of my skills and gearing for that big gig that would change my life; literally. By this point, my blog had begun to do poorly. The number of people reading my pieces dropped. I began to wonder. Was I doing something wrong? Were my posts no longer interesting? Was it too much? But then I rationalized; I didn’t write often; I didn’t have a defined posting schedule; I talked mostly about feminism (which many of my audiences found repulsive); I am a long-winded writer and many people’s attention span wasn’t more than 30 seconds; my posts were serious and about issues that ‘mattered’ etc. While this explained what was happening to my blog, I couldn’t for the life of me explain what was happening to my podcast. The short story…people were just not listening. I could spend hours on end recording, editing and putting it out there and not get a single listen. I was running mad. What could possibly be wrong?! And even though I could rationalize – many Nigerians were not into podcasts yet, there was no mobile data for the heavy files, many had already read the posts I converted to podcast episodes – I didn’t. Instead, I saw it as a failure on my path. The video log was doing really well at this point; for someone just starting on YouTube. Each new video view sent me to cloud nine and left me smiling like a fool all day. But…I couldn’t keep up. It took hours on end to record each episode and editing was the absolute worst. As with everything that has no consistency, my views began to drop. So I was at a place where my blog, podcast and video log were all doing poorly. The irony was that, my blog views kept going up. I say it was doing poorly because the engagements – likes, comments, shares, feedback – were no longer flowing in. Any blogger knows that beyond views, engagements says a lot about your site. When I got to the middle of 2016, I had walked away from a job I originally loved for something I thought was my big break. The offer was juicy, the package was to die for and the opportunities were what I had been waiting for. I was so ready to start a new phase of my life until…I discovered it was a scam. I was hurt. I asked myself questions that I couldn’t answer. I wondered if I had been cursed to remain poor all my life. In that time frame however, I put out my best work on my blog. Pain is my biggest inspiration and so, to drown the contracting walls of my lack of a paying job, I worked harder than ever on my blog. I kept churning out content, putting out stuff, getting my voice out there. The views starting going up again. I was hitting a regular 2000 views per month with great interaction. Then the ‘high’ faded away. I was getting burned out. I didn’t have money. I could barely survive and if I wasn’t living in my father’s house, I would be starving. And because I am a bit of a worrier, I began to long for my days on
Love on the Brain and Everything We Didn’t Do Last Week
Hey you! Last week was super slow! I mean, snails achieved more than we did last week. But…thing were uber tight at our 9 to 5 and we just couldn’t deal. Anyway, how have you been? What was your week like? What got you pissed off? We were angry about many things; from abusive men who think it is okay to be violent to women, to Trump being Trump, to modern day slavery, with Libya in the fore front of the news and more. We are ashamed at what is happening there but the major issue is still why so many Africans leave their home countries for Europe through Libya. We solve those problems, we reduce the instances of human trafficking and modern day slavery in our continent. But we will delve into these at a later date. Full articles coming! So…what else did we focus on last week? Well, the ONLY thing we shared was a new podcast where we reviewed Rihanna’s ‘Love on the Brain’. Have you listened to #TheReview? We promise you that the episode was lit! You should listen! That was our week though. We have new articles coming in this week and we have got two review request; the first being ‘Safe’ by Nigerian Artist, M.I Abaga and the other being Justin Simien’s ‘Dear White People’. So we have a full week ahead. We are on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn and Google+. So…stay connected. Be a part of the family. Tell us how we can be better. And as always, have yourself a great week! Thank you! Best Regards, Ramatu Ada Ochekliye Founder, Shades of Us.
Ending Violence Against Women, Queen Latifah’s U.N.I.T.Y and Closing Long Distances
Hey Roommates! This past week has been…extra! We almost wanted to hide under a rock for a few days. Of course we couldn’t find a rock that would serve us breakfast in bed, with strawberry dipped in chocolate and masseuses kneading all the knots and kinks out of our very weary shoulders and body. So…we worked! Thankfully, last week marked the start of the United Nations 16 Days of Activism; a series of activism-filled-days starting on November 25. As observed globally, the campaigns began with the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women and will end on December 10 with the commemoration of Human Rights Day. We joined in the campaign by demanding an end to violence against women and girls in our #OrangeTheWorld series. We will continue to lend our voices to the upholding ALL human rights for every race, gender, class or religion of people in the world. We also produced two new podcasts on The Review. Though we didn’t plan it, both reviews were around themes and people from the same era; 90s hip hop messaging. We reviewed Queen Latifah’s U.N.I.T.Y and Straight Outta Compton, the biopic about hip hop group, Niggas With Attitude…or as they are popularly known, N.W.A. Guess what? We finally finished our LONG DISTANCE series and received some major feedback about the what happened to the characters. Some people loved what happened to Adon and Jason while others were so pissed off, they wanted to explode. Yes! We are calling you out! You know yourself! How do you think the story should have ended? Share your views in the comments section and let us discuss. And oh! If you haven’t read the series, what are you waiting for? (Ramat, Remimah, be nice! Just drop the link hereinstead of being petty.) Anyway, that was our week. What do you want to see in the new week? Use the comment section to tell us! Thank you for being a part of our crazy! We wouldn’t rock if we didn’t have you! Read all we shared below and have yourself an uber fantastic week! · Here Comes the Bride (Part One, Two, Threeand Four) · Ending Violence Against Women · The Review: U.N.I.T.Y by Queen Latifah; · Why Do Men So Easily Harass Women? · Rape Cases; · Feigning Innocence; · I Was Attacked…And This is My Story; · Zireme’s Story: A Glimpse into Child Abuse and Marriage; · Good Christian People (Part Oneand Two); · Making Itoro a Woman; · The Review: Straight Outta Compton; · Do Sex Workers Deserve to be Abused? · Long Distance: The Finale. Best Regards, Ramatu Ada Ochekliye, Founder, Shades of Us
On Bad Fathers, Body Shaming and Eminem’s New Song Featuring Beyoncé
Hey hey! So this is coming a bit late in the day but it is here! How was your week? We hope it was as full and fun as ours was? ‘What did we do?’ you ask. A lot…even if we say so our self. We reviewed Eminem’s new song featuring Beyoncé (Yes! Beyoncé!) It is called ‘Walk on Water’ and the video just dropped today, November 20, 2017. So we got in quick, right? And we know you might be wondering why we were doing a review of Eminem’s song since Shades of Us is about Africa, Africans and people of African descent – black and brown people basically – but Eminem is an honorary black person! He is one of us y’all! Any hoo, we also reviewed Ride Along starring Ice Cube and Kevin Hart on The Review. It was lit! And from the blog, we shared posts about dealing with body shaming, fatherhood(or the lack of it) and the fourth installment of our Here Comes the Bride series. We really should finish that! We promised to conclude the Long Distance series and put up a new video but…life happened. We feel ashamed but our hands were really tied. They will come up this week. We promise! So here is everything we shared last week. From the blog; Why Athletes Need Formal Education; Here Comes the Bride 4; The Foreign Certificate Syndrome; Dealing with Body Shaming; Why We Support the Eradication of Poverty; The World’s Worst Fathers On The Review; That’s What I Like By Bruno Mars; Barbershop: The Next Cut; The Birth of a Nation; Ride Along; For Colored Girls; Walk on Water by Eminem featuring Beyoncé; And from the YouTube channel; The Launch; The Un-Invited Wedding Guest; My body, Your Problem; We also celebrated the Nigerian Bobsled team that qualified for the Winter Olympics happening in Russian in 2018. They are officially the first team in African to qualify for the Winter Olympics and they did it all by themselves. What an inspiration! This week! We already promised that Long Distance will come up but we can go further to say that you can read the final edition on Tuesday at 10am on the blog! Excited? We sure are! As usual, there will be two episodes of The Review this week and tentatively, a new video. Ei! We can see your skepticism! We will try! Ha! So much pressure. Any hoo…that was a summary of last week and a preview of what this week would look like. What topic do you want us to discuss? Share your ideas in the comment section and we will get to it! So…have yourself a great week! Thank you. Always Excited, Ramatu Ada Ochekliye, Founder, Shades of Us
On Getting Older, Future Families, Creating Records and Adapting to Culture Shocks
Hi people! How have you been?! So starting this week, we want to try something. Thing is, we tried before but got quite lazy and it never hit the ground running. We know; shame! Anyway, starting today, we will be doing an overview of all the posts we shared the previous week and what the new week will feel like. Excited?! So let’s get to it. Last week, we started by reminding you that you are beautiful as you are and went on to produce two new podcasts. We reviewed Arlissa’s Getting older and Darnell Martin’s, Cadillac Records. They had a central theme of finding yourself and we hope you caught that. We went on to share two posts from our Dear Future Family series, with focus on letters to the future sonand daughter. We also shared our newest video log on adapting to culture shocks. You can find an overview of all the posts shared below; Dear Future Family: Letter to My son; The Review: Getting Older by Arlissa; Adapting to Culture Shocks; Dear Future Family: Letter to My Daughter; The Review: Rick Famuyiwa’s Dope; Dear Feminists, This too Shall Pass; For My Super Fans; The Review: Cadillac Records; The Unseen Woman; Meet the Amazing 18 Year Old Championing Children’s Causes; The Review: Wait for Me; Dealing with Marriage Pressure; Etiquette for Semi-Formal Meetings; Long Distance 3; The Review: With The Ring; When Bad Things Happen to Good People; The Review: Joromi by Simi; Shades of Us: The Return. So that was our week last week. This week, we will be sharing the last installment of Long Distance. That story needs to end y’all…and after more than two years. Ha! We need to do better! This week also, we are supporting the #KickOffKaduna campaign for under-privileged kids in Kaduna State, Nigeria, and we will tell you why. The Review returns this week and we have a Hausa song that we will be discussing. What movie do you want to see reviewed? Hit us up in the comment section and we will get to it. And, there mightbe a new video log this week! Fingers crossed. Make sure to follow Shades of Us across social media. We are EVERYWHERE! Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram and Google+. So if you aren’t following, you are wrong! (We kid….or do we?) Any hoo…we wish you a great week ahead. Remember that you matter…no matter what the noise outside says. Hugs and Kisses, Ramat.
We Need Your Help!
Dear Friend, I need your help and I would appreciate it if you took time to read this post. So…thank you in advance for obliging me. I was seated in church – The Diplomats’ Centre in Kaduna – a few days ago when I noticed some people close to me. A young girl, whom I thought could not be more than 13, was feeding a baby. She wasn’t doing a great job of it and I craned my neck to find the mother of the child. I noticed that there was an equally young guy close to her who seemed to follow her every move. ‘Maybe he is her brother’, I thought to myself. I concluded that they were siblings of the baby and their mother was probably somewhere in the church. I decided to concentrate on what was being said but somehow, I couldn’t get my eyes off them. I watched how the girl handled the baby and kept waiting for the mother to show up. Boy and girl passed the baby between them and I was happy that the baby seemed to be a quiet one. Soon enough, I offered to hold the baby and they obliged. The baby was so small and he quickly warmed my heart. I held him for some minutes until he began to fidget. I soon returned him to his ‘sister’ who then proceeded to take him outside to, I assumed, find their mother. Since the baby was no longer in my line of sight, I soon forgot about him. It wasn’t until Dr. Uzzah Wado, the founder of The Diplomats’ Centre, invited them up and introduced them to the church that I was brought back to reality; and my heart broke. The girl, whom I would call Pre, was the MOTHER of the child and the young man, the FATHER. I was shocked! These were babies themselves! How were they parents?! Dr. Uzzah told the church that they were his new friends and he would appreciate it if they could help out with baby things, food and what not. It occurred to me that my first instinct about them was right; they were poor. As soon as the service was over, I walked to Dr. Uzzah and asked how I could help. I requested that he gives me their account number so I could send a little something to them every month. That was when he told me everything. Here is the summary. Even though they looked really small, Pre and John Doe (not real name) are 19 and 21. Their baby, whom I thought was barely a couple of weeks old because of how tiny he is, is 8 months. They grew up in the Television area of Kaduna state; a neighborhood marked with poverty, drug abuse, prostitution, drunkenness, high level of crime and other vices that are reminiscent of a typical ghetto. It was no wonder that Pre and John were drug addicts. When they had their baby, their families kicked them out and they have been living from ‘hand-to-mouth’. And because they can’t feed properly, they do not look well-nourished and their baby is stunted. Now, while Dr. Uzzah was glad I wanted to send them money, he didn’t want me to send it directly to them and he didn’t need to explain why. I knew! Addicts cannot be trusted with money. It was as simple as that. I asked what I could do then. Dr. Uzzah told me they were going to facilitate a rehabilitation process for the parents to wean them (completely) off drugs. This involves getting them a house where they can be monitored, feeding them, getting proper baby formula and drugs to help their baby develop and helping out with clothes. The goal is to make sure that they are in touch with the bare necessities they need on a weekly basis so they are not tempted to sell food to feed their addiction. I wondered if the baby wasn’t better off in some other home but truth is, our social services aren’t working well; if they are at all. And Dr. Uzzah has assured me that some of the mothers in the church were going to take turns caring for the baby as the parents went through the rehab process. I trust Dr. Uzzah. He has been helping young people like this since forever. Literally thousands of us have at one point passed through his house when we were in crisis. And I always say, if I hadn’t met him when I did, my life would have taken a worse turn. So it is time for some of us to give back. Pre and John Doe need a house, baby formula, clothes for themselves and their baby and other knick-knacks. I am deliberately keeping their picture and real names off this post because I don’t want their bad history haunting them when they get clean and have their lives back. And I know that it may bring up the authenticity of their plight but that is a risk I am willing to take. I am hoping that I am trust worthy enough for you to help me help this family. So I am asking that you help me ensure that this family gets clean and change the narrative of their story. If you want to help me do something about it, you can contact me on +234-905-912-7552 or send money to; Name: Ochekliye Ramatu Ada Account Number: 0314142011 Bank: FCMB And if you are in Kaduna and can only donate clothes or food or household effects to this family, please go to; Compassion and Wisdom Church, R2 Gwari Road, Opposite Gidan Hakimi, Behind Royal Tropicana Motel, Television. Tell them you are making a donation for Ramat and they will understand. I would really appreciate it if you can help in whatever way you can. I understand that people make choices that have consequences but I also understand that life affords us various opportunities
Smoke Screens and Fire
Have you ever had a false rumor spread about you? I have. Twice even that really hurt me. And it wasn’t good. The very first time was when I was in Junior Secondary School (JSS) 3. One of my friends came to me and said we needed to talk. I was surprised at his demeanor; something was obviouslywrong. My head went everywhere. Did something happen to him? Was he in trouble? And then I imagined…did he want to ask me out? I knew that would ruin our friendship so I hoped it was not the case. So after school, we went into an empty class and sat to talk. ‘Ramat, I am disappointed at you.’ he started. I was shocked. This was ABOUT ME? I HAD DONE SOMETHING? I laughed; skittish. He didn’t respond with his usual laughter. For someone who was so fun-filled and bubbly, his entire presence was such a picture of disappointment, that I was scared. What had I done? I asked, trying my best to keep my hands from shaking and my heart from exploding in my chest. ‘How could you? Like what were you thinking?!’ At this point, I was getting angry. I was in suspense already and I felt that he was being melodramatic. I said as much. He decided to cut to the chase. ‘If you wanted to have sex, you could have had sex with ONE GUY. What the hell was wrong with you that you slept with SEVEN guys? Like I am so disappointed with you.’ I swear, my mouth was hanging so wide, you could have seen my trachea. And no, this isn’t an exaggeration. When I got myself together, I ask what informed that thought. He said boys talk and the boys I had been with the week before had talked. Again, I asked for more information. ‘Were you at B’s bunk last week?’ to which I nodded in the affirmative. ‘Was there alcohol there?’ Again, I nodded, yes. ‘What happened after you all got drunk?’ First of all, I have NEVER drunk alcohol in my life. That statement still rings true till today; more than fourteen years after the allegation was made. I looked at him…and knew I had to describe everything that happened; in detail. So I did. A couple of us had snuck out of school. Three girls (including me) and four guys. They weren’t my regular crew but they knew I loved to have fun so they pitched a fence-jumping misdemeanor. Yes, I was that girl! Anyways, we went B’s bunk; a bunk being what we called a house owned by a student that was supposed to be in the school hostel. When we got there, it was a party! I was excited, more about the thrill of being away from school than the people I was with. Again, they weren’t my crew. Almost as soon as I thought of it, two of my ‘friends’ walked in and I felt like, ‘now that is what I am talking about’! We all laughed and talked about absolute nothing. Typical teenagers. Nothing untoward…until the last guy – whom I would say was my only true friend in that room – came in with a bottle of vodka or gin. I couldn’t tell. What I could tell was everyone was uber excited. So typically, I was too. I was finally going to drink some alcohol! As the bottle was passed around, I eagerly awaited my turn. I must confess, I was scared. What would I do if I got drunk? Would I be able to get home? Would my father kill me? And even worse, would my mother?! As these thoughts passed through my head, the bottle finally got to me. Soon as I stretched my hand to collect it, my friend – I will call him M – snatched the bottle. I went, ‘Hey! It is my turn.’ I tried to reach for it but he kept me at arm’s length. We struggled a bit and he dragged me outside. ‘Ramat, I no think say you get head for alcohol. Even if you get, I no go let you drink. The rest of us no get head for book. You get. We fit use drink spoil our head. If you do am, you fit no get sense again for book. So I no go let you drink.’ I was livid. I threw some choice words and we got into it a bit. In spite of my insistence, he refused to let me take a swig from the bottle. By this point, the rest of the gang were bored with our argument and one of the guys did them a favor by collecting the bottle and returning to the party. Mad at what I perceived was an epic embarrassment, I turned and left, swearing not to speak to any of them anymore. Fast forward to my conversation with my friend. Until that moment, I didn’t know the party went south; or was said to have gone south. So you could imagine my indignation; righteous that it was. Till today, I don’t even know if the group actually had an orgy or if it was a couple of boisterous boys who spread the rumor. What I do know is that most of them transferred schools for their Senior Secondary education and there was no one to ask who set fire to the rain. Despite everything I said, I don’t know if my friend believed my version of the story or not. He acted weird for a few days and I acted ashamed for more. I couldn’t bear to think that EVERYONE saw me as that girl who slept with SEVEN guys! Was there probable cause for the rumor? Yes. I had snuck out of school; I was at the apartment; there was alcohol and underage drinking; and supposedly, a lot of underage orgy. Why in God’s good earth should anyone believe that I wasn’t a part of it
