Trading Sexual Favors
Couple on a date.Image: Connect Nigeria. I used to have this friend and roomie who absolutely loved grilled fish. She loved grilled fish so much that she practically had one every day. I always say that she made me love grilled fish because until I met her, the delicacy was a luxury. But when we became friends, it became a perfect finish to whatever kind of day I was having. Thing is, she never bought the fish herself. Every time she hung out with friends, she always returned home with fish. And when she couldn’t go out, someone would always ensure that one was brought to her. At that time, I had morphed into my new personality and it was not unusual to find me at home reading a book or sleeping. This meant that fish always came to me in our little room and though I would never have been so bold to ask anyone to buy me fish, I always ate it when it came. And for your information, it is NOT longer throat! One day however, my friend had a fight with this steady admirer. The fight was so big that they were not on speaking terms. After finding out what went wrong, I tried to encourage her to work things out with him…and hey! It wasn’t because of the fish! But back to my story.My friend wouldn’t budge. She just kept groaning about how we wouldn’t eat fish that night. I was shocked by what she saw as a priority. After a few hours, the guy called and…she didn’t pick. He called and again, she still didn’t pick. What happened next surprised me to no end. The guy sent an SMS, categorically saying that he wanted to take her out for fish. My girl piped up so quickly I had my mouth agape! She didn’t even pretend to wait for some time. She quickly called the guy, acted coy and asked when he was coming to pick her. I was more disappointed than surprised by what I had seen if I am being honest. Did this girl just sell herself short for grilled fish?! It got me thinking and I have to admit there are many girls like that. These girls would do just about anything for fish! And when I say anything, I mean anything! I have seen a lady who hugs a guy really tight when she has a grilled fish craving. She is this big-breasted girl who knows that the guy in particular loves them big. When he sits down, she would lean over him with all that breast rubbing his head and shoulder, and when he turns, his face is almost buried in those breasts. She smiles and that is when she usually asks for her fish. I asked her why she did stuff like that. She told me that I was such a prude, men were supposed to cater to her needs and she shouldn’t have to spend money on what she wants. It still piques me that women continue to trade sexual favors for stuff like grilled fish! This isn’t about being judgmental or anything like that. It is just that when I want fish, I take out money and head to the spot. And because I know I love fish so much, I make sure I space out the days I eat it so I am not bankrupt because of my cravings. Once in a while, I am invited to ‘fish-out’ but I only accept when the invitation comes from really close friends; and they are not many. I cannot imagine how I would feel if a man says, ‘No be Ramat. She is that grilled-fish girl. If you want to get her, buy her a grilled fish.’ I would literally be ashamed of myself if that ever happens to me. But in the last couple of years, I have grown to realize that just because something works for me doesn’t mean that it should be the standard for everyone. In my ideal world, women are able to pay for the things they want, when they want it. But in reality, many women want to be wined and dined by their suitors and admirers and they are not averse to trading sexual favors to get what they want. Now, as long as both parties agree that that is the way they want their relationship to be, it really isn’t any of my business. In the famous words of Cardi B, “what you eat don’t make me shit”. And that is the way it should be. But…what do you think about trading sexual favors for simple things? And I am not talking just girls because if living in Lagos and Abuja has shown me anything, this is also very common with guys. So…what do you think?
Would You Work for an Unprofessional Boss?
Employees working on a problem.Image: Video Block So…I got an invitation to attend an interview in Lagos and it got me really excited. The company had a great online presence and I imagined how I could add value to the company. I took a bus trip and somewhere between Ondo and Oyo, we were nearly in an accident. It would have been fatal if the cars had connected so I was thankful for the miss. The near accident left me shaken until we got to Lagos and as such, I couldn’t sleep well that night. By morning, I knew I had to get myself together or be horribly bad at the interview. Knowing Lagos traffic, I set out for Ikeja 2 hours before the scheduled time. As fate would have it, I got to the venue a good 1 hour before my interview; even though I took leisurely walks and paced my bus-hopping. I decided to buy time by going to the bank, entering a shopping mall and enjoying the scenery. I only managed to use up 20 minutes. I walked back to the venue of the interview as slowly as I could and got there with 20 minutes to spare. I knew I couldn’t go anywhere else so I just went in. When I got into the office, I was a bit disappointed. It didn’t look as I expected it to do. I was not bothered (much) because they were an online firm and all they needed were computers and internet right? Moreover, I felt that since they could rent a place in Ikeja, they must be serious with themselves. At 10:20am, only one person had resumed work. That was my first cue that something was wrong with the firm. The guy whom I saw kept calling his colleagues to inform them that the person scheduled for the 10am interview was around. After about 30 minutes, the guy told me he had to go somewhere and left me alone in the office. I was surprised. How was he comfortable leaving the office with a total stranger? What if I was a criminal? Or had evil intentions? I remained where I was, hoping the guy wouldn’t be long. Another interviewee came in at around 10:40am and we both sat and waited. You wouldn’t believe that the COO of the company came in at about 11:30am and the CEO came in at about 12:30pm. How could they set an interview for 10am and turn up more than two hours late for it? I sat there and waited like a fool, wondering if this was what I left Kaduna to Lagos for. I hoped that it would be worth it in the end. When the boss was finally ready for us, he asked to see the other girl first. The guy I met said I came in first and the man said in a loud voice that ‘it didn’t matter’. I was beyond shocked! Did this man have no principles?! I sat there fuming and knew I wouldn’t want to work with them. When it was my turn to be interviewed, I went in and sat across from the man. He started by saying, ‘so you are the one who came here since 8’o clock right?’ That made me pause. Here was a prospective employer mocking me for coming to an interview early! I wondered if the man even knew any interview etiquette. I faked a smile and waited for the questions. He asked me a series of questions and I answered them. Then he mentioned a few brands and asked if I followed them. I said I had heard of them. He said he wanted to do ‘something like that’ and my disappointment finally set. This company didn’t understand what originality was. After less than 5 minutes, he said he was done and that I should return in 3 days for the second phase of the interview. I was so mad! If I had known that was what I was coming for, I would never have come to Lagos! I went back home and packed my things. My friends and siblings said I should wait and see since I had gone all that way. I really wanted to leave but I didn’t want to worry about ‘what could have been’. So I waited. I went back to the office as planned and again, had to wait for 2 hours before the CEO came in. I swore that no matter what they were offering, I was not going to take the job! From the waiting area, I heard the CEO call a group of people repeatedly and I thought they were part of the interview panel. This was because he kept saying, ‘we are waiting for you oh!’ When these people finally came, turned out they were also to be interviewed; just like me! They had no sooner sat down than the CEO invited them in for their interview. I was mad! So was the other girl! Here we were waiting for more than two hours and the moment 2 guys walk in, they were attended to first. Eventually, I moved beyond anger to resignation; I had wasted money coming to Lagos. When I finally got in, the first thing I noticed was that the CEO’s shirt was streaked with dirt; almost like he had spilled coffee on himself and used his shirt as a rag. I was repulsed. This man didn’t even bother to make an impression. Like the first time, I sat across from him and waited. The man said I had the job and explained my duties. It wasn’t another phase of the interview; it was just job confirmation. I wondered if they couldn’t have done that via mail and why I had to come back after 3 days to hear that. After explaining himself, he told me what the salary was and that was when I lost it. The fake smile dropped and my semi poker, semi I-wish-I-can-punch-you-in-the-gut look came on. I
The Weird One Out
PHOTO: ONE EQUAL WORLD Society has defined how the ‘ideal woman’ should look, walk, talk, behave and be interested in. This evolves every once in a while but the core tenets of what society wants from women are basically the same; be pretty, talk less, marry, give birth, support your man and fade into oblivion. When a woman doesn’t fit into the well laid out specifics of the ‘ideal woman’, she begins to feel odd and worse, and doubt her self-worth. Her difference plagues her and she wonders if something is wrong with her. As she battles these thoughts, society sends men and women who fit in to her ‘ideal’ classification to pepper this ‘different woman’ with wandering anecdotes and poisonous sarcasm. Here is a glimpse of the thoughts that plague women who do not fit into the ‘ideal’ or ‘perfect’ or ‘true definition of what a true woman should be’ classification. Let us start off on some of the questions she asks herself about her look: · Is it weird that she does not know the difference between a hair conditioner and a moisturizer? Or what their uses are?· Is it weird that she cannot tell between an original human and faux human hair? And that even if she knew, she would never spend over ₦50,000 just for her hair?· Should she be worried that she cannot tell the difference between a foundation and a concealer or even a highlighter? Oh! She knows what they are supposed to do but isn’t sure she can tell the difference when placed in front of her.· Why does the sales girl at the lipstick store ask her if she wants merlot, garnet, sangria or currant when all she asked for was red?· Why did the man at the cosmetic store snicker when she insisted there was really no difference between a ‘bleaching’ cream and a ‘toning’ cream?· Should she have been mad when the man at the underwear shop told her she was better off with the push-up bra as she isn’t well endowed?· Is it weird that she is not worried about her belly fat? And why was it acceptable to use waist trainers and give an illusion of a flat tummy when she had anything but?· Is her natural smell so wrong that she has to douse herself with multiple perfumes, deodorants, sprays and scents?· Is it wrong to just want to wear something comfortable instead of something trendy? That she wouldn’t spend money on designers who are all the rave now but whose designs would be outdated after a season? That she would rather wear generic clothes because somehow, they never go out of style?· Should she pretend those heels don’t hurt like hell or should she just stick to her ballet flats and scandals? And when she is done thinking about how she looks, she also has to ponder on these other questions: · Why should she be quiet in public places when her voice is a great tool in correcting societal wrongs?· Why should she catwalk and sway her hips when all she wants to do is to get to where she is going?· Is it weird that she would rather spend ₦20,000 on books than on clothes, shoes, bags, makeup or jewelry?· Why do people give her the funny look when she says she never watches ZeeWorld or Telemundo or Africa Magic Epic? Is she so wrong for preferring Discovery Channel, National Geographic and BBC and the NBA channel?· What is so wrong with being interested in The Big Bang Theory, Fringe, CSI, Criminal Minds, Bones, Sherlock and the Marvel series? Why should she have to limit her scope of understanding because girls are ‘not supposed to be that intelligent’?· And where was it written that women are only interested in sports because of their boyfriends or because they want to ogle men? Even when she proves she has been a supporter of Arsenal since they first signed Robert Pires, some men still think she is a supporter because Theo Walcott is fine.· And why do her female friends keep telling her she ‘sounds like a man’ when she discusses politics and the economy and global happenings? Like, because she is a woman, she shouldn’t be able to understand politics, economics or espionage?· And talking espionage, is it weird that she would rather cuddle up with a Dan Brown, Robert Ludlum, Steven King, Tom Clancy, Agatha Christie, James Patterson, Sydney Sheldon and John Grisham than Complete Fashion, City people, any M & B or eHarlequin?· Is it weird that she knows about NASA, quantum physics, coding and app creation, DNA sequencing and cloning, artificial intelligence and Einstein’s Gravitational waves theory? · Why should she have to take the words of ‘spiritual leaders’ as true and infallible when she studies the scriptures herself and sees that, many times, these ‘spiritual leaders’ are just wrong? And why should she not teach the word because she is a woman? These questions keep her up at night wondering if her difference will negatively affect her life. The worst area for her revolves around her sexual relationships. She wonders: · if her mind is sexy enough to attract the guy she wants; · if the guy she wants wouldn’t be bothered by her lack of interest in fake nails, caked faces and flamboyant clothes; · if the guy wouldn’t be threatened by her intellect and the quality of her mind; · if the guy understands that a relationship is a part of her life and not the entire essence of it and; · if the guy she wants even exists? What many people do not know is that more women are waking up to the realization that there has to be more to life than looking pretty, ‘slaying’, wearing the hottest designer clothes, getting married, giving birth and taking care of a family. These women want to change their world in their various fields. They want to leave a
Attacking Christians?
I have always believed in, and respected the rights of every human being, as I expect my rights to be respected. Though I treat all basic human rights as the same, I am partial to the rights to life, freedom, dignity of person and freedom of thought, conscience, religion, opinion and expression. I believe in the fundamental principle that my rights should not impinge on another’s and vice versa. You can imagine why the list I am about to make is seriously bugging me. 1. BRIDGET AGBAHEME: Bridget was a 47 year old Igbo woman living in Kano who was attacked in front of her shop in Kofar Wambai, beaten to death and paraded around the streets. Bridget was married to Pastor Mike Agbaheme, who is a senior Pastor with Deeper Life Bible Church. She was a mother of one. This happened on June 2, 2016. Her offense: allegedly insulting Prophet Muhammad 2. REVEREND JOSEPH ZACHARIAH KURAH: was a 47 year old senior cleric with Evangelical Church of West Africa or ECWA as it is popularly called. He was killed by two people in Obi Local Government area of Nassarawa state. He was on his way to inspect a roofing project when he was killed. The chairman of the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN), Nassarawa state chapter, said the Reverend was attacked and dismembered, with his two hands cut off so he could bleed to death. The date of this incident? June 30, 2016. His offense: unknown 3. FRANCIS EMMANUEL: is a 41 year old carpenter who works in Kakuri, Kaduna state. He went to buy wood and on his return, bought food to eat. As soon as he started eating, some hoodlums approached him and asked if he was a Muslim or Christian. He did not respond. Another asked why he was eating during Ramadan. He said he was not a Muslim. That statement was greeted with a slap. This was followed by being pounced on and stabbed multiple times. His Offense: eating during Ramadan. 4. EUNICE OLAWALE: was a 42 year old deaconess with the Redeemed Christian Church of GOD, Kubwa, Abuja. She was married to a senior Pastor of the same church and had a routine of setting off in the morning to preach to her community; in what was called ‘Morning Cry’. She told her husband she had been threatened around a mosque one day and after promising to be cautious, she went out on the 10th day of July, 2016, at about 5: 30am. She never returned home. Her body was found with her throat slit and her head resting on the Bible she used to preach. She was a mother of 7 children. Her offense: preaching in her community. 5. THREE PEOPLE: The Independent Nigeria reported that three men in Niger state were, like the case of Bridget, accused of blaspheming against Islam and were summarily executed by their self-appointed judge, jury and executioner. Their names were not released, hence the broad category. Their offense: allegedly blaspheming against Islam. 6. CATHOLIC CHURCH ATTACK: the most recent attack happened on the 16th of July, 2016. Thisday Newspaper reported that a group of Muslim youth attacked St. Philips Catholic Parish,Baki Iku, close to Zuma rock in Niger state. It was also reported that the security men and resident Seminarian were beaten to a pulp and women who had gone for prayers were chased away. Properties of the church were destroyed and the community was in shock. This attack reportedly happened after the Juma’at prayers. The youth reportedly said Friday was their day of prayer and that the Christians only had one day to pray, which is Sunday. The church’s offense: praying on a Friday All these incidents happened in the space of less than two months. Taken individually, they can be seen as unrelated and unconnected but looking at them as a whole, one cannot help but see the connection between these events; radical ideology. When you add the recent killing in Benue, Jos and Taraba from herdsmen, the connection seem clearer. In most of these cases, the attackers have called themselves Muslims and have based their actions on what they have interpreted from the Qur’an. Some might even call it righteous indignation at a perceived slight to Islam and her tenets but is that reason enough to take the lives of people and destroy properties? And in such gruesome manner? It is disheartening to see the continual wanton disregard for human life on the guise of upholding religious beliefs. Each person is entitled to hold whatever belief they choose to have, without fear of repercussion from those who do not share their beliefs. The extrajudicial ways these cases have been handled makes me wonder if there was no better way to handle the situation. If the people above had blasphemed against Islam in one way or another, couldn’t they have been taken to court? And if the conventional courts were not good enough, couldn’t they have been taken to a Sharia court? The problem is, with every case of jungle justice, just few of the killers are caught and the majority would continue live their lives, waiting for the next perceived offense to unleash their inner hulks and kill another person. This then brings back the question of whether the lives of Christians, especially Christians in Northern Nigeria, are considered less human. Governor Nasir ElRufai of Kaduna state was quick to respond to the attack on Francis Emmanuel, saying that the state wouldn’t tolerate religious intolerance of any form. I applaud his resolve to protecting the lives of citizens of his state and that is something worth emulating. The Supreme Council for Sharia, Kaduna state chapter, also responded by saying it was un-Islamic to attack people for not fasting. Nationally, the President reacted to some of the killings but is that enough? Is there more the president should be doing? My belief
The Men Who Snitched on Their Gender
Picture: BLACK WOMEN OF BRAZIL I woke up this morning with the thought of one of the shows I did on television. We had this business mogul on the show and he was talking about business principles for success. Just as we were rounding up, he asked us to let him say something. It went something like this; ‘I am the man I am today because I have a very wonderful wife. If she isn’t in my life, I probably wouldn’t have reached this success level I am enjoying today. What most people don’t know is that she isn’t good at business but she is a great idea churner. Almost every venture I have turned into a lucrative money-making business is an idea my wife whispered to me. She is the idea and I am the execution. That is why we are so successful. Men, learn to respect the women in your lives. They hold the key to your success.’ After our cooing and awwwing, we wrapped up the show and went out of the studio. When we went into our office for the post show discussion, I couldn’t help but notice that some of my colleagues were laughing at our guest. I wondered what it was about but didn’t bother to ask. As we proceeded with our analysis of the day’s performance, we got to the issue of the business mogul and next thing you know, one of my very vocal colleagues shouted, ‘That man has been pussy-whipped’. This drew some laughter from those who understood what he meant and blank faces from those who didn’t. It prompted a gender debate and we jokingly discussed the importance of women. My colleague didn’t let go of his opinion. He kept saying, ‘That man is such a snitch!’ I asked him what he meant by that and he said men who let their women ‘control’ them are snitches on their gender and that men are supposed to be ‘manly’ and behave a certain way. I remember that I looked at my colleague and imagined how a person could be so ignorant! So, because a man praises his wife and respects her, he has snitched on his gender? As I pondered on that incident, I thought of other men who could be said to have ‘snitched’ on their gender. Here is a list; 1. The Men Who BELIEVE In the Equality of the Sexes: you know how women are supposed to be less than men and thus, defer to them? Yeah, there are men who don’t believe so! These men understand that gender equality doesn’t negate the roles of each sex but accepts that we are human first before we are our gender. They believe that women and men should have equal access to education, healthcare, life choices, job opportunities, same pay, leadership positions, promotions, dignity of person and of ideas. These men get incensed when women are treated less than men are because of their sex. Know a man like this? When you see him on the road, this is what you should say to him. ‘You bloody wonderful snitch’! 2. The Men Who HELP Out In the House: in this world of men sitting down and watching football while their mothers/sisters/wives slaves in and around the house, finding that man who helps around the house is such a breath of fresh air. I went to stay with a family recently; a mother, her daughter and son. I woke up to help out with chores only to see that the guy had done almost everything. He cleaned the house, did the dishes, washed the cars and prepared breakfast. I was like, ‘Dude, where are you from?!’ He laughed and told me he had to prepare for work. I asked about his mum and his sister and he told me his mum was down with fever and his sister wasn’t a morning person because she worked nights. So he took care of the house and when his sister got up, she didn’t have to do all the work in the house. I looked at him straight in the eye and said, ‘will you marry me?’ Such a snitch! 3. The Men Who would NEVER Hit A Woman: women, you know how we can get very blabber-mouthed when we quarrel with people right? How we go for the jugular? Where we just want to eviscerate a person? Well…I am not one of such women! (Hey! Don’t vex na! I am just playing! Chai! Okay…okay…I confess. I am THAT person!) There was this day I quarreled with a dear friend…(what now?! Stop giving me that side eye. Okay! Okay! Insert boyfriend)…and I was really mad. We had never gone at it like that before. Usually, when I am mad at him, I just walk away because I know my mouth is razor-sharp. On this day however, all the claws were out and drawing blood. My alter ego came out and looked at me and quite frankly, if I was him and I was listening to the things I had to say, I would have descended on me. Have you watched Kung Fu Hustle? Trust me, the slaps would have been that fast! Anyhoo, I could see that he was about to explode and I didn’t stop. He walked away and guess what? I followed! I started pulling him at, tugging at his shirt and spewing my venom. Reading this, you would think I wanted to get beaten but the truth was, I was dealing with rage issues and I couldn’t reason clearly when the anger got to a certain point. One final tug and gbam! He punched! He hit the metal door away from my face. After the sound of bone hitting metal, the silence was deafening. I had pushed him to the point where he raised his hand but he still wouldn’t hit me. He preferred to injure himself –
The Curse of Social Media
I pick up my phone, look for the best light source, tilt for the best angle, present the left side of my face, pucker my lips (or smile or laugh), choose a filter and bam! Picture taken! When I want a full length picture, I hand over my phone to someone and repeat the procedure. I always present my left side because it is my most flattering side. My smile seems fuller, my eyes brighter and the ‘love handles’ on my waist doesn’t look so pronounced. I take as many pictures as possible and then choose the best from the rack. Every picture that shows me in an unflattering light doesn’t see the light of any prying eyes. It is CTRL X on them ugly pictures! Having done that, I go through filter after filter to make my face smoother, clearer, and fresher and my clothes and environment more ‘tush’. When all that is done, INSTAGRAM baby! 50 likes! 100 likes! 1000 likes! And if I am Kim Kardashian, likes in the millions! Yeah…I wasn’t just talking about me. When you go on any of the social media platforms, whether it is Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Pinterest, Tumblr or whatever suits your style, you see pictures of people that seem a bit…unreal. Everyone is more beautiful, richer, sexier and much more likeable. Everyone seems to be having fun and celebrating life and doing things that you seem to be left out of. Everyone seems to have a very happy life! But is this usually the case? In most cases, no. Social media has given us an opportunity to lieto the world. I know many people who are extremely differentfrom what they put up on social media. There are people who post snaps showing they live in opulent houses while living poor. Women with smaller waists on Snapchat or Instagram seem thicker in reality. Remember when 50 Cents was with that bed of money but filing for bankruptcy? Wizkid spoke of a house he supposedly ‘bought’ when in real sense, the owner was waiting to embarrass the heck out of him fornot paying rent. And supposedly happy relationships on the gram are anything but. Take the case of Toke Makinwa and Tiwa Savage for example. I cannot count all the #CoupleGoals posts people put up after seeing well edited photos of their supposedly happy marriages. The wedding pictures were heavenly and the gowns were out of this world! It wasn’t until their marriages publicly came crashing down that people saw how unhappy they really were. I met an actor cum TV and red carpet host recently. This actor had a very healthy social media presence. He was always on fleek in all his pictures and one would have thought he was swimming in money. He was at our school to talk on his career as a learning platform for aspiring actors. One of the first things he said was, ‘Forget what you see on the gram. Most of what I wear is brought to me by my producers and after the show, I return them. I go home in the clothes I went to the office with.’ I was shocked. Here was an ‘accomplished’ actor telling us that most of what we saw on his Instagram was just for show. Another actor, this time my favorite Nigerian male actor, spoke of moments of poverty when he was smiling for the gram, when he was posting happy pictures and when he was motivating others to reach for the stars. I can go on and on with the celebrities but they are not the only guilty ones. I know ladies who cannot take a picture without caking their face first. Theycannot go out without their face beat on fleek and dressed to the nines. These ladies spend almost all their money on clothes, makeup, accessories and what not. They hardly ever repeat a dress or shoe. Every day, they take pictures to show off what they have. How would the world know they just bought a new dress if they don’t quickly upload photos online? This is not just a thing for girls. Guys are guilty too. You look at snaps of Tyson Beckford, Trey Songz, Ebuka Uchendu, Nobel Igwe and you just know that men also want to show off. These men are fashionable and trendy so they show off their appeal in well taken shots. Some other men who may not be conventionally sexy or ‘cute’ show off their wealth. Men like Floyd Mayweather, Young Thug, Birdman and Davido are about showing off that paper. Again, how would people know they are millionaires if they don’t show the things their money can buy for them? And another category is the men who show off their penis prints. You all know how many women swooned when The Game showed off what he was packing on Instagram or when Serge Ibaka mistakenly posted a picture emphasizing his size. You hardly ever see anyone deliberately putting up a bad picture of themselves. Everyone always wants to look good. And even though I am anti-body shaming, I will never take a picture of my love handles and put online. Hell no! I ain’t sorry! Khloe Kardashian photoshops her bad knee, some dark skinned girls use lighter filters, some ‘white’ girls use the tan filter, people without cars never post pictures where they are trekking or in public transport and stuff like that. The effect then is that when many people go on Instagram or Facebook or any social media site that is especially designed for pictures and videos, they think that their lives isn’t as good as it should be. They look at the plush houses, luxury cars, designer clothes, expensive jewelry and accessories, state-of-the-art gadgets, perfectly done make up, trips to exotic locales and mouth-watering food and they can’t help but think that their life is sadly lacking in many things. If you are one of such, remember that away from the well
Good Christian People II
Add caption Tolulope has been facing abuse from her family and boyfriend because of a mistake she made. She is about to be pounced on by her brother in-law and her sister. Would she escape the beating she is sure to get? Will her life get better? Find out by continuing the story. Remember, all the events of this story are based on true events. Only the names have been changed. If you haven’t seen Part 1, start off here. *** For 2 days they beat Tolulope, punctuating each slap or kick or punch with the Bible thrust into her face, reminding her that she could be free when she swore to give up her boyfriend and their child. She lost consciousness several times and as soon as she came to, the threats and subsequent beatings continued. By the third day, she couldn’t take it anymore. She went to them while they breakfasted and knelt down. ‘Uncle, Aunty, I have come here to apologize. I have been a fool. I have been a disobedient child and I have been sinful. Today, I want to swear before you and God that I have repented and I will never see Femi or Ayo again. I will obey you with the whole of my heart and do anything you want. If you still want me to swear with the Bible, I will do so.’ Aderopo smiled. ‘You have done well. If you had agreed since, you wouldn’t have suffered all these things. But you know that God told me to do that. Anyway, go and eat.’ For a week, Tolulope was the picture of the perfect niece; waking up early, cleaning the house, bathing the kids, prepping them for school, cooking the household meals and doing the dishes and laundry. For one week Tolulope didn’t speak to Femi or her daughter or anyone else for that matter. She was not allowed to go out of the gate by the express instruction of Aderopo but she didn’t even attempt to. Until her opportunity came. Friday, the gate man, left the house every day at 1pm and 4pm to play draft at the top of the street. He would return after 30 minutes and continue his work; like clockwork. He usually locked the door from outside with a piece of stick instead of the padlock. Her sister had gone to the market and Tolulope knew she had time. Her uncle was not due back until 6pm. This had to happen today or no other day. As soon as it was 1pm, Friday set off for his game. Tolulope gave him 5 minutes. She ran out to the gate and started shaking it. Gently, gently she did to see if she could dislodge the stick. She continued on for 15 minutes and with each push-and-tug, she despaired at getting caught. Finally the stick fell! She opened the gate and looked out. There was no one on the street. She got out of the house, put the stick back in place and walked away. The street was a typical upscale street in Abuja. There were no hiding places and getting a bike or taxi was hard. She had to walk long distances to get one. She walked as calmly as she could because she didn’t want to arouse attention. She nearly died when she saw a car coming her way. Was it her uncle? His wife? Was she about to be caught? Her heart was beating faster than was healthy. Her legs couldn’t carry her further and she just stood there. The car inched closer…and closer… …and then it passed. Phew! It wasn’t her family! That was her cue. Damn any attention she would draw to herself. She had to run! And run she did! When she got to the top of the street, she saw a bike and used all her desperation to flag him down. When he stopped, Tolulope saw, from the corner of her eye, the unmistakable red of her uncle’s car and before she could tell the bike man where, she jumped on, and shouted ‘Go! Go! Go!’ The bike man roared with speed and passed Aderopo who wondered at the rough rider and continued home. There were two car parks close to the estate and Tolulope asked the driver to take her to the farthest. Her heart was still racing and she knew she was not out of the loop yet. When they got to the park, she saw a vehicle going to Kaduna and they needed just one person to fill it. She jumped into it and the driver collected her money. As he went about looking for change, Tolulope kept praying she would escape. She just wanted to leave; she just wanted to live. When they finally got on their way, they got caught in traffic. Maybe God wasn’t going to help her after all. She knew that her uncle would come after her and he would not stop at anything. She kept praying and praying until the red jaguar rolled up and stopped right by their side; by Tolulope’s side. It was her uncle. She was in the back seat but if he looked, he would see her in the rearview mirror. Tolulope ducked, hitting the Muslim woman beside her. The woman asked what the fuss was about. ‘That man in that car is my uncle. He has been raping me for years and beating me. I just escaped today. Please, help me.’ The woman looked at him and looked at her. She looked at him again. She made up her mind, took off her veil, covered Tolulope and put her hand on her. The man in the car looked at her and she could almost feel his malevolence. He looked away and inched closer in the traffic lane. After 15 minutes, the gridlock opened and they were on their way. Smooth sailing to Kaduna. And all through, the girl she had just helped cried and cried. *** When Tolulope
Good Christian People
Based on true events. Girl crying.Image: Women’s Net Tolulope Brainard sat in front of Dr. Kikelomo with bated breaths. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion. She was sure that the result in that envelope would change her life forever, yet she dreaded what it would say. She wanted to pray but knew that whatever prayer she sent now was too late anyway. It was either positive or negative. ‘You are pregnant Tolulope.’ Dr. Kikelomo said. She didn’t just say it with finality; that would have been nice. Dr. Kikelomo said that with cynicism, seemingly mocking her predicament. Tolulope got up to leave. Dr. Kikelomo stopped her in her tracks. ‘I must say that I am ashamed of you. How could you have been fornicating all this while? What a shame you are to the church! You do know I am sending the report to the pastor so you can be disciplined right?’ Tolulope looked back at her and turned the door knob. She walked out of the consulting room and out of the hospital. As she wandered the streets in a state of confusion, her life’s choices began to flash before her. *** Tolulope was born into a strong Christian family. She was the youngest girl of four siblings; one brother and three sisters. Her father died when she was five and her mother took up the responsibility of taking care of them. They were poor; not piss poor, but poor still. Her mother, if anything, became more religious. She spent all her time reading her Bible, attending church services and doing evangelism. Tolulope grew up on nothing but the Bible, its edicts and its teachings. Her mother drummed morality into all her children, chief of which was staying away from fornication. Tolulope knew by heart all the Bible verses about sexual sins. Her oldest sister – Shayo – was married off to the church choirmaster, Aderopo Bolaji, when she was 17. He was a middle class man who worked in the government. He took the load off Tolulope’s mother by paying most of her bills. As he got promoted, his burden increased; he became the chief financier of Tolulope’s family. He trained Tolulope’s siblings until only Tolulope was left. When Tolulope got into the university, she maintained her Christian life. She studied hard, prayed a lot, never missed campus fellowships and completely stayed off boys. She did all that until she met Femi. Femi was handsome, intelligent and dedicated to the things of God. He was, in her definition, the perfect man. No one taught her to understand her body and its urges so when she started feeling things for Femi, she chucked it up to being ‘sinful’. She prayed to God to deliver her from her feelings and when that didn’t happen, blamed Him for them. She found out later that Femi also shared same feelings and they started dating…or more appropriately, courting. They never spent any time alone together. They always had a chaperone or a friend. They didn’t want to tempt the devil to cause them to sin. When they had dated for 2 years, Femi proposed and Tolulope said yes. She was elated! She couldn’t wait to share the happy news. She called her mother and sister Shayo and they seemed genuinely pleased. God had sent them a good man. When Shayo told Aderopo, he flew into a rage. How dare Tolulope date someone? Who gave her the right to date anyone he had not first approved off? Shayo was surprised at the anger but since the Bible urged her to submit to her husband, she soon began to see things in his light. Aderopo began to make life harder for Tolulope. He told her to choose between Femi and continuing her education. When she didn’t listen, he threatened to stop sending money to their sick mother. Tolulope told Femi everything and they decided to keep their relationship secret until Shayo’s husband was more cooperative. Well, she couldn’t hide it any more. *** Carrying the pregnancy was the hardest thing Tolulope had to do. Aderopo beat her every day, maybe hoping she would lose the pregnancy. Shayo joined her husband in the beatings. When they weren’t beating her, they were piling house chores on her. They prevented her from going to church because she was, in their words, a disgrace to their family. The only time Tolulope was happy was when she returned to school but even that was a drag. Her course mates gave her that how-can-you-be-born-again-and-pregnant look. She couldn’t explain that she had had sex with Femi in a moment of weakness and the result had been the baby. She couldn’t explain that she had prayed to God, begged for His forgiveness and felt that she deserved the suffering she was facing at the moment. Femi’s mother, who had been so loving when they were introduced, suddenly became a monster when Femi told her about the pregnancy. She swore that Tolulope was the corrupting influence on her very Christian son. She swore that when Tolulope gave birth, she would take ‘their baby’ and be done with her. Tolulope was afraid she would lose her child. So every day, she prayed, hoped and begged God to let the child be okay and to be able to keep it. Maybe God finally took pity on her. *** Tolulope had not seen her sister’s family in two years. Since that day when she took out the IV line from her hand, took her baby and walked out of the hospital, she had not even thought of them. She was happy with her beautiful child and even though she had to hide the effects of Femi’s physical abuse from the inquisitive eyes (and hands) of her daughter, she was happy. Oh! She didn’t tell you? Femi was abusive too. From the moment she turned up at his door, he took every opportunity to beat her. And he had many excuses; she was a temptress, she
Happy Birthday Abe!
My friend. My Homie. My bestie. All one word but all applying to him; ABRAHAM IGOCHE ONCHE. Abe has been one of my ‘bestest’ friends in this world. He is a witty, crazy, nerdy and totally impossible person who has the greatest love for humanity. Abe is one of the best, albeit laziest, writer I know. LOL. Don’t be mad dearie. True genius takes its time right? LOL. His penmanship is brilliant and his ability to weave stories is something I envy. His works are expressed on his blog – ONELARGEXPREZZO. Abe has been one of my biggest pushers since he saw me doodle on Facebook. I always say my friend Charles pushed me start my blog but Abe prodded me to continue writing. This was at a time when I was drowning in confusion about the direction my life should take. He heard my voice even when it was not a voice. When I started my blog, he offered his services as editor and in doing so, helped me improve my writing greatly. Even when we fell out because of our different writing styles, he still made sure he helped with my blog. Abe went a bit further by investing in my dreams. I don’t just mean with his time and energy but with his money. You know someone has your back when they not only give you’re their time but also their money. Typical Nerd Behavior The love Abe has for humanity is something one should emulate. Unlike me who decided to put science on the back burner, Abe is doggedly interested in solving medical problems, thus improving the lifestyle of people. Yeah! He is a nerd like that! Oi! Don’t be mad! You know youz a nerd. LOL In the 7 years that I have known Abe, there hasn’t been a time when he couldn’t help me, when he didn’t show himself selfless, when he wasn’t willing to sacrifice for the people he calls friends and when he wasn’t giving his all to what he believed in. I am proud to be called his friend! Abe, you have taught me to respect people more, to learn to be peaceable (even though it is hard jare), to aspire and REACH for the stars, to be tenacious in the pursuit of my goals, to never give up even if the darkness seems to be shrouding me and best of all, to believe that I am worth it! Worth everything I desire! You have also taught me to be adventurous, to never be content with what I know and to be willing to unlearn or relearn what I know. For all this, I thank you for being in my life! You are awesome! Love you loads! As you add another year today, I pray that your wisdom grows a million times greater than you, that you are marked by GOD’s understanding, and that GOD blesses you indeed and unto at least 4 generations. I pray that your quest for good makes you leave a mark in the sands of time and that you are celebrated over and over. I pray that your happiness never runs dry and that your wealth transcends you even unto the fourth generation. Happy birthday my friend! You deserve to celebrate and be celebrated! Ps: Better bring all the goodies you possibly can when returning and hurry back jare! I don’t have anybody to trouble!
Should I Quit My Job?
Image: Google Plus Let me start by making this broad statement; I believe that many people are sick and tired of their jobs! Yeah! I said it! I can also go further to make another broad statement. It doesn’t matter whether you are working for someone or you are your own boss: there comes a time when everyone feels their job sucks! And not just the I-hate-my-job-but-I-will-manage kind of suck but the I-hate-my-job-and-desperately-want-to-quit type. I have been at both places. When I went to serve in Yola, Adamawa State, Nigeria, I was the doe-eyed optimist who believed that I had the Midas touch. I believed I could always find something to do. And true to that, I got something to do barely three months into my stay in Yola. I started ‘working’ at a broadcast media firm. By October that year, a little over 8 months after I started ‘doing stuff’ for the company and the month I finished my service, I was co-opted into their system; I received my first pay as a freelance presenter. For me, it was doing what I loved. I was on radio and I was increasing my sphere of influence. The fact that they were paying me was a plus. Even though the pay was not great, or even good, I was excited doing what I loved. I woke up every day with a burning desire to do well, to be better than I was the previous day, to achieve better than I had done in the past and to dish out new information in newer and more innovative styles. I made sure that my shows were well researched and different from what was the norm at the station. I wanted people to hear a playlist and just know that Ramat was on duty. I wanted my own signature and I worked really hard to ensure I got it. I soaked up all the information I could get from my friends and colleagues and from rival stations in my quest to standout. As long as there was information to be learned about radio program production, you can be sure that I was learning it. As I improved my skill, I took up more and more work until I was spending almost all day at the office. I wanted a scenario where my work would stand out so well that the company would have no choice but to fully employ me; instead of just paying me for my shows. A year went by and I wasn’t given an appointment letter. The disillusionment started to set in. Was I not good enough? Did I not meet the requirements? Did I just have an over-inflated view of my capabilities? These questions plagued me and made me unhappy and unfulfilled. The love for my work gradually began to wane and my passion started to die. This made me take up even more work. I felt like I needed to do more and give more to be good enough for the company. My bosses would praise me for the ‘good work’ I was doing, random people would see me on the streets and appreciate me and some would even pay for my stuff in the market. In spite of all these, the full employment still didn’t come. Here I was living in a backwater town that was so far from all I knew and held dear and to whom I was giving my all and yet, I couldn’t even get employment. Soon enough, resentment began to build up. It came to a place where my self-worth was tied to whether I got a letter or not. You can imagine how bad my life became. I kept sending out job applications but had become so busy at the office that when I got called for interviews, I couldn’t go. This was because my responsibilities were as though I was a full staff of the organization; though my pay grade was notthat of a staff. I was worried that I would lose the little I had in the process of finding something better. I was also worried about the economic situation of the country and when I thought about how many of my friends didn’t have jobs, I just stayed put. And felt trapped. The more I felt trapped, the less happy I was with my job. I kept wondering if I should quit my job and pursue something else or continue to hold on, hoping for a day when my bosses felt I was good enough to be employed. After three years of the same routine and no letter of appointment, I knew I had to borrow myself some sense. For whatever reason, the company didn’t think keeping me was a priority and I knew I couldn’t keep on working like a donkey and getting very little pay. So I knew I had to leave. I couldn’t continue to give a lot of my time, money and energy to a company that didn’t value me. In June of 2016, I packed up my stuff and left Yola for good. I realized I was not the only one with such stories. One of my besties was also going through issues like this. While it was my choice to be overworked, she was forced to work overtime every day and wasn’t paid as much as her work demanded. Recently, she found out that her boss paid members of his staff who were his tribe more than he did her. Truth is, she worked way more than others and was the most trustworthy staff. Finding out she earned way less than her colleagues really broke her spirit. She was at that crossroad where she wondered whether to continue to stay or to leave the company. Another lawyer friend got to that crossroad and walked away from the firm that was overworking him. It wasn’t that the pay wasn’t good but that he wasn’t just growing there. He knew that he could do more, be more, and achieve more if he just wasn’t working with that firm.
