Dear Future Family: Letter to My Son
Image: Jet Magazine Dear future son, Oh how I love you! From the moment I saw you, I was overwhelmed with such glorious love and happiness. I could tell you would look exactly like your father and the thought of having a mini version of the man I love is pure joy. As you grow into that bumble of joy and excitement that I can barely contain, I want to share some ground rules with you. You need to know that you are born into a world that gives you some advantages. When James Brown said ‘It is a man’s world’, he wasn’t just trying to sell records. He was speaking about a very real situation in the world today. While society has given you certain privileges, I will have you know that I require a different set of standards for you. And as your father will tell you, you better not mess with me. Relax baby; I promise to be nice. For many millennia, men have been told they are the superior gender because they are men. They have been taught that women are less than men on all fronts. You will be told that women are supposed to cower before you or defer to you or obey you. You will hear this from school, the community, religious centers, workplaces and even the internet. Where you will neverhear that is at home. This is because all that load of bull poop is just that; a load of shit! Men are not better than women or superior to women. Men and women are created equal with different physical features like two sides of a coin. That is why the difference ends. You will learn this from science. You will learn that the brains of men and women are not that much different and as such, there is no basis for saying that women are less than men. You will learn to respect everyone – be they male or female – and you will learn to treat them as the human beings they are. We will not permit you to be discriminatory to anyone. You will learn to respect people regardless of their faith, belief, ideologies, gender, class, abilities, sexual preferences or orientation and race. Every person is a full human with their own agencies and you will treat them right. I am not saying you should agree with everything they do; not even close. I am saying that you should respect their humanity always in spite of these differences. Every human being has rights and dignity and when you know this, you will never knowingly hurt anyone. We will support you wholly to become anyone you want to be as long as you are not hurting any human being. You have to learn to live for more than just yourself though. Your life needs to be shaped after solving a problem for humanity. There are so many problems in the world today and you stand a better chance of leaving a legacy when solving problems is your mantra than if you live for yourself. And the best principle is creating a need and solving it. You can be better than Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Albert Einstein, Martin Luther King Jr. and even a combination of all of them and more. Whatever you become is all up to you. I want you to be the best version of you and your dad and I will ensure you have the best support system you can possibly have. Be assured however that I will not condone a life formulated after Hitler’s, Stalin’s, Trump’s, Idi Amin’s or Femi Fani Kayode’s. From age 7, I will expect you to start doing chores. We will start with simple things like washing your underwear, cleaning your room, doing the dishes, sweeping certain portions and cleaning surfaces. As you get older, your chores will increase. Also from age 7, I will expect you to be in the kitchen anytime dad and I are cooking. By 13, you would be expected to cook part of the family meals and by 15, you will be placed on the family cooking schedule. This will teach you to be responsible for yourself and others at all times. You don’t need a woman to take care of you. You are a fully functional human being and should be able to function as such. I want you to learn work ethics and discipline. If you work for someone, don’t ever short-change them. Go to work on time, stay in the office for as long as your contract says, and give your best every minute of the time you are in the office. Don’t use your position to abuse the trust your employer or clients place in you. And if you choose to work for yourself, be diligent in your duty to your dream. Wake up every day eager to do more for your goals and stay awake many nights to ensure your vision and dreams translate to tangible reality. You owe yourself that. You do not need to stick to the status quo of society. Be innovative, creative, exploratory, curious, eager and desirous of new things. The environment can be a huge motivation if you look inside out! As you get older, I will teach you about your sexuality and what sex means and doesn’t. You will hear so much about sex and society will tell you that you can get away with so much. Society doesn’t expect you to be chaste; in fact, she will actively encourage you to be anything but. The same standards are not held for women as I am sure you will learn. But this is what I will teach you; if you call an unmarried woman who is sexually active a ‘whore’, then be sure that I will address you the same way if you are sexually active. This means that you must learn to hold everyone to the same standards you hold yourself. And still talking sex, I will never forgive you if
Dear Future Family: Letter to Myself
PICTURE CULLED FROM: NATIONTRENDZ Dear 21st Century Strong Black Woman, Unfortunately, nobody has a song for you because they think you are a phase. But we will have to make do with Run the World by Beyonce. They have been trying to shut you out for so long it is a wonder you are still standing strong. Some even think you are ‘demonic’ for holding your own. Well girl, bask in their hate! Women like you who have refused to cower to the system have gone on to shine further and farther than anyone can ever imagine; women like Beyoncé, Oprah, Chimamanda Adichie, Ava Duvernay, Shonda Rhimes, Maya Angelou, Warsan Shire, Mo Abudu, Kemi Adetiba, Juliet K’ego and so many more that cannot be mentioned. So girl, shine! Write your own stories and force the earth to listen to your brilliance! That being said, we need to talk. First off, we know that you are whole, complete and full. Sometimes you wonder if you will ever find someone who sees the world like you do. You need to know that there are millions of men who not only see the world like you do but who are also searching for you. You have to be more accessible. Sometimes, let it all go down in the DM. Don’t be sending those nudes (tsk Yo Gotti) because there are some really crazy dudes out there who are all about revenge porn. But…be more open. Be more willing to interact with people. On a serious note though. You are complete. No arguing that. No man will complete you. That is given. But you have to allow that good man complement you. We are using the word ‘allow’. You know how you always want things to go your way, well…cut it out! Allow that man sweep you off your feet, allow him treat you like you are fragile even if the world knows you aren’t. We all know you are able to open the car door yourself, pull out your own seat in the restaurant and split the bill but if he insists on doing all these, let him girl! Good thing is, you can always do the same and ask him to get dressed, pick him up, open the car door for him, pull out his seat and pay the bills; just like Usher said in Trading Places. You can then laugh together while cuddling as you compare notes about who is better at the art of romance. He is not expecting you to take his name. How about you surprise him and do? I can see you balking and girl, you better listen! We ain’t here to play! You are no less a feminist if you take your husband’s name. Work hard on getting your name out there, work harder on being memorable and people will not be so bothered about your last name. Leave that for the government documents. I see you are still balking. Girl, when you hear Oprah and Beyoncé, doesn’t it take you a minute to remember what their surnames are? So our point is that you work hard at leaving a legacy and people will care only about your first name. But since you want to change the world with your man, a single name that rings true for your family makes you more awesome. You guys can choose a new name you want to go by if you are not comfortable with his family name. Think of the Durotoyes, the Gates, and the Carters (*wink). The name thing is a two way street. If that man fits into your expectations, you know you don’t need to worry about trivial things like names. Okay? Your mind is beautiful. We know that. We also know you are stubborn. Very! So though you have your own thoughts, you must listen to others once in a while. No one is a repository of knowledge and if you want to be relevant for long, you constantly have to open your mind to the wisdom of others. What better person to listen to than the man you love?! Everyone knows you will not pick someone who is mediocre so open yourself to him. Let him make decisions that you know are important and support him wholly. Baby girl, there are times you should just shut up and be led! Isn’t leading such a stressful path sometimes? And…remember what leadership is about? Following and service! Don’t be Sheldon Cooper or that always-angry woman in those Tyler Perry movies. You do not become less than you are by listening to your man. And about cooking, girl…you know you love to cook! Why are you acting up? We know that it can be tiring but you and he can work out a schedule. Now, don’t go bossing about getting that schedule followed to the tee. When he has a long day in the office, surprise him with a warm bath and piping hot food. Don’t hammer on it being his turn and let that man suffer. You know you would hate it if that is done to you. So, do to him what you would want done to you. Isn’t that the entire essence of the second most important commandment? Meet him at the door with a kiss, don’t nag, resolve fights quickly and when he is having that bath, rub out the kinks in his back and thighs so he can rest well for the hours of lovemaking communion you should have before bed. You know he will do the same for you if you had the long day. So don’t be selling fish. Treat him like a king as he should treat you like a queen. Honor him. Make him feel so good at home that he isn’t happy until he gets back. When at work, you can be the Sasha-fierce-go-getter that you are but when you come home, be a cuddly bear! And yes, we know you hate to cuddle! You will learn, girl, and you will learn fast! Also, learn to leave the office drama in
Dear Future Family: Letter to My Husband 2
Man Proposing with a diamond ringCulled from: SALON Dear future husband, Here are a few things you need to know if you want to be my one and only all my life. Hey Meghan Trainor, get out of my head! First off, I am a whole, complete and full human being. You do not ‘complete’ me, or make me ‘whole’. I am not half a human being who needs to be completed. I hope you also know that you are a whole, complete and a full human being too. I am not in your life to complete you either. I was created for a purpose for which I have taken time to search and understand. Guess what? That purpose is not marriage! Marriage to you will be a part of my life and not the entire essence of it. This means that whether I marry you or remain single, my life will still be fulfilled as long as I live my purpose. So if I decide to marry you, it will not be because marriage will make my life more fulfilling or meaningful. No. And if you haven’t found the ‘why’ of your life, you better keep that ring to yourself. Be assured that I will not marry someone whom I have to help find his way. Find the reason for your existence and then talk to me. Society doesn’t think my identity matters. They either want me to bare my father’s name or yours. It is like the concept of my identity threatens the faux power society wields. Well, I have decided to give my middle finger to society. Taking your name is not compulsory. I love my name! I love my identity! So forgive me darling for wanting to hold on to my name. I mean, it doesn’t change the fact that I am your wife whether I take your name or not. Chimamanda Adichie isn’t less married because she didn’t take her husband’s name. Same with Beyoncé. I hope you understand. The best qualities I bring to you are not my virginity, ability to cook or how long I can pray. The best quality I am bringing to the table is the quality of my mind. I am not an ornament. I have a fully functional brain with my own thoughts, views, ideas and ideologies. I say what I think, whenever I feel. While I admire the quality of your mind, I will not shelve my ideas or views for yours. Your ideas are not better than mine because you are a man. They should be better on merit. And when they are better, I will admit it and respect yours but I will not accept the premise that the quality of an idea is based on which side of the gender divide one falls in. I do not believe you are the head of our home. We are partners in a relationship that is equality. Having said that, I understand that equality is also about sacrifice and compromise and I am willing to be reasonable for the greater good of our partnership. There are days when you should lead and there are days when I should. We need to play to our strengths and capabilities. So let me put this out there; I will not do all the house chores! That house is our home; so we either work together to keep it or we don’t even bother walking down that road. If you want a wife to take care of all the home chores, that woman is not me. I will have no option but to bid you farewell and send out my best wishes to you. Let’s talk about sex baby. (Salt-N-Pepa, it is 2016. A new track won’t hurt!) Sex is a beautiful expression of a lot of things and could mean anything at any given time. I know about sex; a lot! Knowing about sex doesn’t make me a ‘whore’ as popular belief says. Hey society, how come when a woman knows about sex she is a whore but when a man does, he isn’t? We will break you, society! Mark our words! I am not going to act naïve to feed your ego. I will actively partake in the pleasure giving and taking that is sex. There will be role playing games and oh-so-crazy adventurous things we will do in the bedroom (and on the couch, on the table, on the bar, on the floor. You can meet me in the bathr…wait Young Jeezy! Let me finish this!). If this doesn’t go well with your ego, you can go to moon and rest. You will not be missed; at least, not by me. My love, you know I like me some adventure. There are times I would want us to eat out, stay in a hotel, travel around the globe, try new things and basically be as much fun as possible. Even when we get older and can’t be jumping up and down, I still want us to find small pleasures that make memories worth keeping. I can honestly take care of myself. I believe in working hard for everything I need and then working some more for the things I want. I won’t marry you for financial security. My brain is capable of making me as wealthy as I want to be and all of that is independent of you. Don’t think you are doing me a favor by telling me about the money you are making. You may be Jay but you better believe that I am Bey. You can expect that I will bring in my own slice of the bacon which should be a Naira for Naira match of what you are bringing in. While I expect us to gift each other things over the course of our lives, don’t worry about my clothes, underwear, skin products, hair and makeup. I’ve got this. I also want you to know that I will buy houses, cars, bonds, businesses and other things I
Should We Consider Banning Telemundo?
Picture Credit: ESSENCE Hey! I am not discriminatory. This includes ZeeWorld too! But first, let me start at the beginning. I always say that those of us that are millennials had the best TV time. We had a variety of shows that were enlightening and in some aspects, deliberately weird. We had black people, white people, Asians, Latinos, and even really good Nigerian movies and TV series on TV. We also had super heroes, weirdos, anime, scathing comedy and Sci-fi movies. In essence, almost everyone from Generation Y had a plethora of good television from around the world. What is most impressive however is that we all had the same TV exposure! Most people who had TV and cable watched about the same things and for those who only had NTA, the wait for 4pm for broadcast to start is something we all remember with a bit of nostalgia. So if I mention 7 Lucky Kids, Burning Train, Snake in the Monkey Shadow, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Power Rangers or Things Fall Apart, most millennials would smile and have something to talk about. The game changed however when more cable companies came into play and more TV channels popped up. Nigeria alone has more than 10 cable TV providers, with DSTV, StarTimes and HiTV being the most popular. With these cable TV providers, there are all kinds of things on television for all kinds of audiences. The common thing between these cable TV providers is that they understand the basic genres and provide them across board. These genres includes news, sports, music, religion, film, local content and Telemundo! Yes, I just classed Telemundo as a genre! Telemundo is an American Spanish language terrestrial television network owned by Comsat. They provide films and TV series centered on the lives of Latin Americans with story lines following love, enmity, betrayal and eventual triumph. Telemundo is one channel but like most things in Nigeria, we have made one thing the generic name for things in the same category. It is like how we call all detergents ‘Omo’ and all toothpastes ‘Maclean’. So for this article, the term ‘Telemundo’ is used to refer to any film or TV series that is centered on the lives of Latin Americans. Telemundo probably has one of their biggest markets in Africa and a lot of that from Nigeria. The question that bugs me is how the fracking hell Telemundo became so popular?! It probably has a lot to do with the Africa Independent Television. AIT was the first to introduce Telemundo into the Nigerian scene. Who remembers when Cuando seas mia was on air? Translated to English, ‘When You are Mine’ was a big hit across the country and almost every Nigerian followed the lives of Diego and Paloma as they tried to find love in spite of the difference in their social status. I will admit that I watched every episode but the grand finale and it broke me that I missed that. What came on next was Second Chance (or El Cuerpo del desio) and by that time, I was bored with telenovelas. Soon came StarTimes (for average Nigerians) and DSTV (for ‘rich-er’ Nigerians). Men flocked to the Super Sports channels and somehow, of all the channels to choose from, women chose Telemundo. In time, it became a fad. Women who spent more time at home seemed to fill their hours with telenovelas. After a while, ZeeWorld became the very attractive sister of Telemundo. ZeeWorld is a channel that follows the same themes but with emphasis on Indian people. Because some of India’s culture is similar to the Hausa/Fulani culture in Nigeria, ZeeWorld caught on quickly. So we had ZeeWorld controlling women in the North and Telemundo controlling women in the South. This was in addition to the variations of Africa Magic that each geopolitical region is attuned to. In time, the barrier broke. Almost every woman watches either ZeeWorld or Telemundo. It doesn’t even matter what the status, tribe or religion these women are. What then is the problem with Telemundo and ZeeWorld? Looking at it plainly…nothing much. It is good entertainment (I have heard) and can be packed with some life lessons. I am however worried about the addiction many women have to these channels. Stories have been told of women burning food, leaving their houses dirty, refusing to go out for days and even running through the rain to catch an episode. Most of these stories come from men so I tend to take it with a pinch of salt. I believe most men want to be the center of attention of their wives’ lives and seeing her so deeply immersed in something that isn’t them may not be good for their ego. I will go further to say that men don’t think anything is wrong with their own addiction to football and they expect women to deal with it. Double standards, right? Anyway, I am worried about the addiction to Telemundo and ZeeWorld because it seems to be a result of some other underlying factors. For centuries, black women have been told that they have nothing that can be defined as a beauty ideal. From skin tone to hair texture, we have been told we aren’t good enough. So here we are with two channels providing stories about women that have called beautiful and exotic. And even though India and most of South America have dark skinned people, these people never make it to these shows and if they do, they are cast as poor and unappealing. In essence, we have two channels showing thin, light skinned women with long, straight or wavy hair who get the guy they want because of these qualities. This subliminally makes the African woman perceive herself as less beautiful and less important. It is then no surprise that more and more women are bleaching their skin and wearing Brazilian weaves and Indian ‘Human hair’. This makes it harder for the African woman who loves herself just as she is to fit into our society. Another aspect is the effect on the intellect. Most of the storyline for the film/series shown on Telemundo and ZeeWorld
What Happened to Cyber Cafes?
Cyber cafe in Nigeria.Picture: MY TECH PORTAL The visit by the world’s 7th richest man and founder of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, to Nigeria was welcomed as a sign that Nigeria is finally getting noticed by some influencers of Silicon Valley. Most people were excited at the prospect of further collaborations with the tech giant after the success of the Andela story. While people were fawning over him, if I was there I might I have done so too I couldn’t help but conclude that Zuckerberg was here for the dollars; or at least, the potential dollars. This was so eloquently put by Oby Ezekwesili in her tweet below. In spite of that, I am really glad that the world is seeing us as not just technology consumers but also as creators. The future of Nigeria is not technology; it is the present! And if we are able to harness the power that comes from creating solutions using technology, we willmove from the rut the country is in now. As I pondered on the visit of Zuckerberg, I mean people won’t let you rest with the visit all over social media I couldn’t help but be propelled into a not too distant past. It was sometime between 2001 and 2005 and most Nigerians were just discovering the internet. Yahoo was the boss of all bosses and Yahoo Messenger and Myspace were about the only chat sites there were. That was the era of the cyber cafes! I remember going to buy one hour internet time at about ₦200. Internet explorer was the only browsing site I knew and it would take forever for a page to load. Isn’t it funny that the site is still crappy? We used to feel so good to ‘browse’ the internet! Cyber cafes were popping up everywhere. As they did, the price for ‘browsing’ reduced. Even with that, the numbers of cyber cafes were just not enough for the people. Do you remember how cafes used to be filled (to the brim) with people waiting their turn to surf the net? How people booked seats and stood behind those already in front of the computer? How people jostled – literally – for seats as soon as someone got up? And how patient we were with the odors that resulted from having too many people in a tiny room? What a time! Cyber café owners were demi-gods. They had money, they could charge anything they wanted from doe-eyed customers and they could use the internet whenever they wanted. Gradually, phones became more accessible to people and phones with internet features became more prominent. Personal computers and laptops also became cheaper and more accessible to people. As this happened, the number of people going to cyber cafes began to reduce. The reduction was not drastic but it was there. I think the dearth of cyber cafes was the Blackberry phone. When Blackberry phones came into Nigeria in 2006, it caught on like wild fire. Nigerians had moved from the need to just call and receive messages to a need to follow the trend as it happened! Blackberry phones were one up on the other phones – Nokia and Samsung – that were in the market. They introduced the Blackberry Internet Service (BIS) which allowed unlimitedinternet access. People realized they could do whatever they wanted from the comforts of their homes and they went crazy! Cyber cafes were no longer NEEDED! Funny thing is, though Blackberry had the power to push out cafes, they didn’t have the power to remain relevant in the Nigerian market. What a laugh! But that is a story for another day. Helping Blackberry phones destroy cyber cafes were personal modems. People used these modems for their PCs and Laptops and had much better speed than the cafes. People were finding out that the internet could be such a fun, stress-free activity that wasn’t punctuated by the malodorous smells of packed cafes. So…more people stopped going to cafes! As this happened, cyber cafes became more like computer centers for printing out, photocopying and scanning documents. The only time cafes seemed to be relevant was for registering and writing examinations (JAMB, WASSCE, and NECO), registering for new semesters/sessions, filling mass employment application forms (police, immigration etc) and checking results. Then came the era of smartphones; iPhones and android phones. The speed with which these devices took over Nigeria is worthy of scientific research. Almost everybody has one of these phones! Telecommunication companies knew that they could gain more by reducing the cost of data bundles and they went into competition with each other on who had the cheapest data bundles. As they warred with each other and milked Nigerians of their hard earned money more and more people stopped using cyber cafes. I didn’t know how bad it was until I had to send an urgent mail. All my devices were down, and I was time-bound and desperate. I went to a café in Lagos and was the only one there. I bought an hour and had the worst time online since maybe 2010! In that hour, the only other people that came in were really old people or people with little formal education. I bought an extra hour to test my theory and it was solid; young people were not going to cafes anymore! It made me wonder what happened to cybercafés. I knew it was preposterous to base my conclusion on one cyber café so when I got to Abuja, I checked out a couple of cyber cafes. It was the same thing I saw. When I returned home to Kaduna, I went to the cafes I used to hang out in and all five of them showed marked decline in patronage. In fact, one of the biggest cafes in Sabo, Kaduna, was empty; on a Saturday! I followed through by visiting Ahmadu Bello University (ABU), Zaria. When my bestie and I passed the café at the Social Center, there were just few people in there. If you attended ABU, you know that café used to be always so packed! It was surprising to see just a few people there. Anyway, I realized that cyber cafes didn’t
Ibrahim Mustapha: Pioneering Kaduna’s Online Mall
The love of the series – House Of Cards – can lead to many things. After tweeting about the season four finale, a tweep with the handle @Hunta_Smith said he had not seen that season. I really don’t know why I asked him to come get it if he was in Kaduna. I didn’t expect he would reply but he did. He not only told me he was in Kaduna but he was willing to meet me where I was. We made an appointment and I went through his profile to see if I could find any serial killer traits. When we finally met, I introduced myself and he said, ‘I am Ibrahim Mustapha.’ We got talking and being the nosy inquisitive person that I am, I peppered him with questions about himself and his work. When I was done grilling him, I knew I had write about him. Continue here.
Long Distance 2
PHOTO: SACRED JOURNEYS AND SPIRITUALCOMMUNITY The story doesn’t begin here. It springs from HERE.Jason Ogbeche kept flitting in and out of consciousness. He didn’t know where the sounds were coming from. He barely knew where he was. Someone seemed to be tugging at him, trying to pull him out. But from where? He tried to open his eyes and when that finally happened, it came with a lot of pain. His mind registered that he was surrounded by people. The tingling feeling all over his body beckoned him to ignore the sea of faces and concentrate on his body. He looked down. There was blood everywhere! He tried to move and something held him back. ‘Do not pull him like that! You will kill him.’ It seemed to come from a far place and each word punctuated the pain he was feeling. He looked down again and saw that the blood flow had one major source. Jason blanched when he saw the source. The pain overwhelmed him again and he lost consciousness. *** Doctor Amara Obiekwe forced her way through the crowd, shouting ‘Do not pull him like that! You will kill him.’ until she got to the front of the very ghastly car accident scene before her. When would Nigerians stop pulling people out of accident scenes?! When would people realize that more damage is done when accident victims are not properly removed from the scenes?! She pushed some more and stopped in her tracks just as she got to the car. Someone had wrenched the door open and the sight before her was daunting. The young man in the front seat was impaled to his seat by an iron rod that obviously came off the trailer lying a few feet away. From the look of it, the iron entered into his left upper side and exited somewhere into the seat. Thankfully, the man had been wearing his seat belt. If he hadn’t, she was sure he would have flown out of the window and crashed head-first into the underbelly of the huge trailer; which was what happened to the driver. Dr. Amara dialed the Jos University Teaching Hospital as she assessed what could be done. She could stem the blood flow but she was worried about the proximity of many vital organs to the entry-point of the injury. This man needed immediate surgery if he was to live. But before then, she carried out the ABCDEs of First Aid; she checked his airways, breathing, circulation, and his level of consciousness, the penetrating iron and the amount of blood loss. She was about to start the secondary survey when she heard the sound of an approaching ambulance. The forces of the universe seemed to be with this man. She started to get up when he woke up and grabbed her hand. ‘Don’t leave me!’ he muttered, sputtering some blood and losing consciousness again. Though unconscious, his hand remained tightly gripped in hers as they raced to the hospital. *** Adon Kato was restless. She had been calling her boyfriend for the last two hours and he wasn’t picking. He left her about four hours ago as he journeyed to Abuja. It took every ounce of her strength to watch the bus leave. When she could no longer see the bus, she grudgingly went to her car and drove home. She had just opened her front door when her phone buzzed. She just knew it was Jason. She smiled even before she read it. ‘Missing you already baby.’ ‘Come back to me! I am so lonely with you gone!’ She responded. ‘Stop it woman! I swear, I will come down from this bus and come back to you!’ Adon laughed. She started typing and then stopped; a voice note would be better. ‘I am so glad we worked things out. I almost thought your presence here would mean the end of our relationship but somehow, we found ourselves. I love you so much baby! I haven’t been this happy in a long time.’ She watched her phone, anticipating his response. ‘Aww baby! Why are you torturing me? You know I cannot send a voice note and you keep enveloping me with your honey-smooth voice! I will get you back for this. When you come to Abuja, I will make sure I spoil you so bad, you will have no other choice than to quit your job and leave Gombe. And you know I keep my word!’ Adon laughed again. She was blushing! What did this guy do to her? ‘You will not believe that I am smiling like a sappy teenager. And blushing too! What did you do to me, Jason Ogbeche?!’ He sent in a laughing emoji. ‘Laugh all you want oh! Shebi you now know I love you so you are forming champion right?! Lol. I know what I will do to you. And hey! Speaking of work, I need to prepare. Talk to you as soon as I settle in. I love you, Jason.’ ‘I love you too baby.’ They had been chatting when he suddenly went offline. Adon was a bit worried. Something was wrong; she felt it. But she shrugged it off. She tried to concentrate on work to get that nagging feeling away. ‘Adon, you are too much of a worrier.’ she told herself just as… …her phone rang. She jumped to pick it and in her excitement, dropped it. She quickly it picked up and saw that the call had ended. Checking her call log, she saw it was Jason. The phone began to ring again. ‘Jason what the hell is wrong with y…’ ‘Good day ma’am. I am calling from the Jos University Teaching Hospital. The owner of this phone was involved in an accident and is currently is surgery. You were the last person he interacted with and we would like to know if you can make it to the hospital.’ Adon barely heard anything beyond Jason being in an accident. She wanted to faint, to go numb,
Trading Sexual Favors
Couple on a date.Image: Connect Nigeria. I used to have this friend and roomie who absolutely loved grilled fish. She loved grilled fish so much that she practically had one every day. I always say that she made me love grilled fish because until I met her, the delicacy was a luxury. But when we became friends, it became a perfect finish to whatever kind of day I was having. Thing is, she never bought the fish herself. Every time she hung out with friends, she always returned home with fish. And when she couldn’t go out, someone would always ensure that one was brought to her. At that time, I had morphed into my new personality and it was not unusual to find me at home reading a book or sleeping. This meant that fish always came to me in our little room and though I would never have been so bold to ask anyone to buy me fish, I always ate it when it came. And for your information, it is NOT longer throat! One day however, my friend had a fight with this steady admirer. The fight was so big that they were not on speaking terms. After finding out what went wrong, I tried to encourage her to work things out with him…and hey! It wasn’t because of the fish! But back to my story.My friend wouldn’t budge. She just kept groaning about how we wouldn’t eat fish that night. I was shocked by what she saw as a priority. After a few hours, the guy called and…she didn’t pick. He called and again, she still didn’t pick. What happened next surprised me to no end. The guy sent an SMS, categorically saying that he wanted to take her out for fish. My girl piped up so quickly I had my mouth agape! She didn’t even pretend to wait for some time. She quickly called the guy, acted coy and asked when he was coming to pick her. I was more disappointed than surprised by what I had seen if I am being honest. Did this girl just sell herself short for grilled fish?! It got me thinking and I have to admit there are many girls like that. These girls would do just about anything for fish! And when I say anything, I mean anything! I have seen a lady who hugs a guy really tight when she has a grilled fish craving. She is this big-breasted girl who knows that the guy in particular loves them big. When he sits down, she would lean over him with all that breast rubbing his head and shoulder, and when he turns, his face is almost buried in those breasts. She smiles and that is when she usually asks for her fish. I asked her why she did stuff like that. She told me that I was such a prude, men were supposed to cater to her needs and she shouldn’t have to spend money on what she wants. It still piques me that women continue to trade sexual favors for stuff like grilled fish! This isn’t about being judgmental or anything like that. It is just that when I want fish, I take out money and head to the spot. And because I know I love fish so much, I make sure I space out the days I eat it so I am not bankrupt because of my cravings. Once in a while, I am invited to ‘fish-out’ but I only accept when the invitation comes from really close friends; and they are not many. I cannot imagine how I would feel if a man says, ‘No be Ramat. She is that grilled-fish girl. If you want to get her, buy her a grilled fish.’ I would literally be ashamed of myself if that ever happens to me. But in the last couple of years, I have grown to realize that just because something works for me doesn’t mean that it should be the standard for everyone. In my ideal world, women are able to pay for the things they want, when they want it. But in reality, many women want to be wined and dined by their suitors and admirers and they are not averse to trading sexual favors to get what they want. Now, as long as both parties agree that that is the way they want their relationship to be, it really isn’t any of my business. In the famous words of Cardi B, “what you eat don’t make me shit”. And that is the way it should be. But…what do you think about trading sexual favors for simple things? And I am not talking just girls because if living in Lagos and Abuja has shown me anything, this is also very common with guys. So…what do you think?
Would You Work for an Unprofessional Boss?
Employees working on a problem.Image: Video Block So…I got an invitation to attend an interview in Lagos and it got me really excited. The company had a great online presence and I imagined how I could add value to the company. I took a bus trip and somewhere between Ondo and Oyo, we were nearly in an accident. It would have been fatal if the cars had connected so I was thankful for the miss. The near accident left me shaken until we got to Lagos and as such, I couldn’t sleep well that night. By morning, I knew I had to get myself together or be horribly bad at the interview. Knowing Lagos traffic, I set out for Ikeja 2 hours before the scheduled time. As fate would have it, I got to the venue a good 1 hour before my interview; even though I took leisurely walks and paced my bus-hopping. I decided to buy time by going to the bank, entering a shopping mall and enjoying the scenery. I only managed to use up 20 minutes. I walked back to the venue of the interview as slowly as I could and got there with 20 minutes to spare. I knew I couldn’t go anywhere else so I just went in. When I got into the office, I was a bit disappointed. It didn’t look as I expected it to do. I was not bothered (much) because they were an online firm and all they needed were computers and internet right? Moreover, I felt that since they could rent a place in Ikeja, they must be serious with themselves. At 10:20am, only one person had resumed work. That was my first cue that something was wrong with the firm. The guy whom I saw kept calling his colleagues to inform them that the person scheduled for the 10am interview was around. After about 30 minutes, the guy told me he had to go somewhere and left me alone in the office. I was surprised. How was he comfortable leaving the office with a total stranger? What if I was a criminal? Or had evil intentions? I remained where I was, hoping the guy wouldn’t be long. Another interviewee came in at around 10:40am and we both sat and waited. You wouldn’t believe that the COO of the company came in at about 11:30am and the CEO came in at about 12:30pm. How could they set an interview for 10am and turn up more than two hours late for it? I sat there and waited like a fool, wondering if this was what I left Kaduna to Lagos for. I hoped that it would be worth it in the end. When the boss was finally ready for us, he asked to see the other girl first. The guy I met said I came in first and the man said in a loud voice that ‘it didn’t matter’. I was beyond shocked! Did this man have no principles?! I sat there fuming and knew I wouldn’t want to work with them. When it was my turn to be interviewed, I went in and sat across from the man. He started by saying, ‘so you are the one who came here since 8’o clock right?’ That made me pause. Here was a prospective employer mocking me for coming to an interview early! I wondered if the man even knew any interview etiquette. I faked a smile and waited for the questions. He asked me a series of questions and I answered them. Then he mentioned a few brands and asked if I followed them. I said I had heard of them. He said he wanted to do ‘something like that’ and my disappointment finally set. This company didn’t understand what originality was. After less than 5 minutes, he said he was done and that I should return in 3 days for the second phase of the interview. I was so mad! If I had known that was what I was coming for, I would never have come to Lagos! I went back home and packed my things. My friends and siblings said I should wait and see since I had gone all that way. I really wanted to leave but I didn’t want to worry about ‘what could have been’. So I waited. I went back to the office as planned and again, had to wait for 2 hours before the CEO came in. I swore that no matter what they were offering, I was not going to take the job! From the waiting area, I heard the CEO call a group of people repeatedly and I thought they were part of the interview panel. This was because he kept saying, ‘we are waiting for you oh!’ When these people finally came, turned out they were also to be interviewed; just like me! They had no sooner sat down than the CEO invited them in for their interview. I was mad! So was the other girl! Here we were waiting for more than two hours and the moment 2 guys walk in, they were attended to first. Eventually, I moved beyond anger to resignation; I had wasted money coming to Lagos. When I finally got in, the first thing I noticed was that the CEO’s shirt was streaked with dirt; almost like he had spilled coffee on himself and used his shirt as a rag. I was repulsed. This man didn’t even bother to make an impression. Like the first time, I sat across from him and waited. The man said I had the job and explained my duties. It wasn’t another phase of the interview; it was just job confirmation. I wondered if they couldn’t have done that via mail and why I had to come back after 3 days to hear that. After explaining himself, he told me what the salary was and that was when I lost it. The fake smile dropped and my semi poker, semi I-wish-I-can-punch-you-in-the-gut look came on. I
The Weird One Out
PHOTO: ONE EQUAL WORLD Society has defined how the ‘ideal woman’ should look, walk, talk, behave and be interested in. This evolves every once in a while but the core tenets of what society wants from women are basically the same; be pretty, talk less, marry, give birth, support your man and fade into oblivion. When a woman doesn’t fit into the well laid out specifics of the ‘ideal woman’, she begins to feel odd and worse, and doubt her self-worth. Her difference plagues her and she wonders if something is wrong with her. As she battles these thoughts, society sends men and women who fit in to her ‘ideal’ classification to pepper this ‘different woman’ with wandering anecdotes and poisonous sarcasm. Here is a glimpse of the thoughts that plague women who do not fit into the ‘ideal’ or ‘perfect’ or ‘true definition of what a true woman should be’ classification. Let us start off on some of the questions she asks herself about her look: · Is it weird that she does not know the difference between a hair conditioner and a moisturizer? Or what their uses are?· Is it weird that she cannot tell between an original human and faux human hair? And that even if she knew, she would never spend over ₦50,000 just for her hair?· Should she be worried that she cannot tell the difference between a foundation and a concealer or even a highlighter? Oh! She knows what they are supposed to do but isn’t sure she can tell the difference when placed in front of her.· Why does the sales girl at the lipstick store ask her if she wants merlot, garnet, sangria or currant when all she asked for was red?· Why did the man at the cosmetic store snicker when she insisted there was really no difference between a ‘bleaching’ cream and a ‘toning’ cream?· Should she have been mad when the man at the underwear shop told her she was better off with the push-up bra as she isn’t well endowed?· Is it weird that she is not worried about her belly fat? And why was it acceptable to use waist trainers and give an illusion of a flat tummy when she had anything but?· Is her natural smell so wrong that she has to douse herself with multiple perfumes, deodorants, sprays and scents?· Is it wrong to just want to wear something comfortable instead of something trendy? That she wouldn’t spend money on designers who are all the rave now but whose designs would be outdated after a season? That she would rather wear generic clothes because somehow, they never go out of style?· Should she pretend those heels don’t hurt like hell or should she just stick to her ballet flats and scandals? And when she is done thinking about how she looks, she also has to ponder on these other questions: · Why should she be quiet in public places when her voice is a great tool in correcting societal wrongs?· Why should she catwalk and sway her hips when all she wants to do is to get to where she is going?· Is it weird that she would rather spend ₦20,000 on books than on clothes, shoes, bags, makeup or jewelry?· Why do people give her the funny look when she says she never watches ZeeWorld or Telemundo or Africa Magic Epic? Is she so wrong for preferring Discovery Channel, National Geographic and BBC and the NBA channel?· What is so wrong with being interested in The Big Bang Theory, Fringe, CSI, Criminal Minds, Bones, Sherlock and the Marvel series? Why should she have to limit her scope of understanding because girls are ‘not supposed to be that intelligent’?· And where was it written that women are only interested in sports because of their boyfriends or because they want to ogle men? Even when she proves she has been a supporter of Arsenal since they first signed Robert Pires, some men still think she is a supporter because Theo Walcott is fine.· And why do her female friends keep telling her she ‘sounds like a man’ when she discusses politics and the economy and global happenings? Like, because she is a woman, she shouldn’t be able to understand politics, economics or espionage?· And talking espionage, is it weird that she would rather cuddle up with a Dan Brown, Robert Ludlum, Steven King, Tom Clancy, Agatha Christie, James Patterson, Sydney Sheldon and John Grisham than Complete Fashion, City people, any M & B or eHarlequin?· Is it weird that she knows about NASA, quantum physics, coding and app creation, DNA sequencing and cloning, artificial intelligence and Einstein’s Gravitational waves theory? · Why should she have to take the words of ‘spiritual leaders’ as true and infallible when she studies the scriptures herself and sees that, many times, these ‘spiritual leaders’ are just wrong? And why should she not teach the word because she is a woman? These questions keep her up at night wondering if her difference will negatively affect her life. The worst area for her revolves around her sexual relationships. She wonders: · if her mind is sexy enough to attract the guy she wants; · if the guy she wants wouldn’t be bothered by her lack of interest in fake nails, caked faces and flamboyant clothes; · if the guy wouldn’t be threatened by her intellect and the quality of her mind; · if the guy understands that a relationship is a part of her life and not the entire essence of it and; · if the guy she wants even exists? What many people do not know is that more women are waking up to the realization that there has to be more to life than looking pretty, ‘slaying’, wearing the hottest designer clothes, getting married, giving birth and taking care of a family. These women want to change their world in their various fields. They want to leave a
