The Foreign Certificate Syndrome
Picture From: The Evolllution Have you noticed that many companies in Nigeria today ask that prospective employees have at least a Masters Degree from a foreign institution? This has led many Nigerians to do all they canto go abroad and get a certificate. This means that Nigeria currently spends over $2 billion (N400 billion) annually as capital flight on education abroad as revealed by The Chairman, Senate Committee on Tertiary Institution and Tertiary Education Trust Fund, TETFund, Senator Binta Masi. (Vanguard Nigeria Newspaper, February 10, 2016) Is it fair that Nigerians who school in the country are discriminated against based on the type of certificate they have? What needs to be done to solve this problem? Watch more in the link below. THE FOREIGN CERTIFICATE SYNDROME Subscribe to my YouTube channel for more videos on burning African issues.
Here Comes the Bride 4
Picture from: THE FEMINIST WIRE Bimbo Omotosho woke up wanting to pee. She went into her bathroom and when she returned, sat on her bed and stared at the night light. She wasn’t sure she could fall right back to sleep. ‘Maybe a glass of milk would help’, she said too herself. She looked at her bedside clock and saw that it was 2am. Her mother always snapped about having late night snacks and Bimbo really didn’t listen. When she was hungry, she ate. She had a stash under her bed which helped her cravings. Bimbo bent down to pull her goodie bag and was shocked to see it empty. There was a note from her mother saying, ‘I was born way before you and I know all the tricks you can possibly pull young lady. No more unplanned snacks!’ Bimbo was mad! Why did she always do that?! Well then, she had to find another way. Bimbo knew her mother slept like she was in a coma but like most people in a coma, you never knew what would make her start. So Bimbo opened her door as gently as she could and, thanking God for the plush carpets that lined most of the house, tip-toed past her parents’ room and downstairs. She prayed her father didn’t wake up but knew that even if he did, he would most likely help her get her milk and share a cookie. When she got to the kitchen, she poured herself a glass of milk – the real stuff and not the 2% milk her mother always insisted she drank – and took out one cookie from the jar. Her best bet was to eat it in her room. As she closed the fridge door, she could have sworn she heard a moan. She shrugged it off as a figment of her imagination and set out to her room. As she passed her maid’s room, she heard the moan again. This time, coming in slightly louder. She was scared but curious and in the end, curiosity won. She kept her milk on the floor and oh so gently turned the doorknob. With his back to her, her father was naked and kissing their maid; who was also naked. They were running their hands all over each other but what was more disturbing was the fact that a similar scene was playing on the television. Bimbo stood there, cookie in hand, transfixed as she watched her father, their maid and the actors they were copying. She may be eight years old but she knew what she was seeing was wrong. However, she couldn’t avert her eyes. She was so transfixed that she didn’t hear her mother walk up to her, gently pull the door close and point upstairs. Bimbo didn’t need to be told to go to her room. She ran to her room, locked her door and laid on the bed. The screams began, followed by the crash of glassware. Bimbo buried her head under her pillow and soon enough, fell asleep; cookie in hand. The glass of milk remained where Bimbo dropped it, unbothered by the destruction that went on for hours. *** The divorce was quick. Turns out Bimbo’s mum took a couple of pictures that could ruin her husband, the very respectable Pastor Biodun Omotosho, senior pastor, Live Church, with a congregation of over ten thousand people. After her crazy tantrum, she piped down and made her demands. She would keep Bimbo, the house, two cars and a steady allowance to continue living as she was used to. In return, she would not publish the pictures to his loving flock. She would also pretend she was the one who got tired of the rigors of marriage to a ‘man of God’ so his impeccable reputation remained untainted. He jumped at the offer, promising to do all she asked. In less than a week, a joint statement was released and as expected, Bimbo’s mum was labelled the bitch! She wasn’t worried because in truth, she married Biodun for his money and wasn’t into all that religious stuff anyway. To ride out the drama, she took her daughter and went off to Canada. In all these, no one spoke to Bimbo about what she had seen that night. Even when she tried to bring it up, her mother shut her down by saying, ‘You did not see anything! And next time, when I say don’t do something, you better obey me! In fact, this is all your fault! If you had obeyed me, I wouldn’t have known…just forget it. You did not see anything.’ But how could bimbo forget it when every night she went to bed, she kept seeing the actors doing things to each other? *** As Bimbo grew, she realized what she had seen her father do that day was have sex and what was playing on the television in her maid’s room was porn. As she became more internet savvy, she spent time finding and watching porn, and erasing her internet activities. It wasn’t as if anyone cared. Her mother was too busy dating rich men to be bothered about what her daughter was doing online. Bimbo started craving sex like she wanted food. As soon as she became a teenager, she wanted to practice what she had been watching for four years so she could find out if all the feelings she got from watching porn could be felt in reality. She began to make moves with the boys in school but they were all so scared. They kept acting like she would eat them. Bimbo knew that if she was to satisfy her urges, she had to aim higher; older. It was no wonder that the moment she saw Ricardo Esteban, her mum’s newest boyfriend, she knew he was the one she wanted. Ricardo was a tall, ripped bodied, dark-olive skinned hunk of a Columbian millionaire and it wasn’t surprising that her mother was dating him. She told
Long Distance 3
Picture: Tarringo T. Vaughan Don’t know where the story started from? Catch up here!Adon Kato was beginning to get really angry. For the past two weeks, she had been caring for her boyfriend – Jason Ogbeche – and she didn’t need any heightened sense of perception to know that Jason wasn’t connecting with her. He always seemed to be brooding and if Adon didn’t know better, she could have sworn he was angry at her. He had to have two other surgeries when his kidney became infected and they almost lost him. The injured kidney was finally removed and he was doing better now. Adon stayed at his side all through. Dr. Anwar had to send her home many times to shower and eat. She took her bath in the hospital and ate hospital meals to get the doctors off her back. As soon as she was done with basic necessities, she would rush back to Jason’s bed side. Jason said very little to her. He only spoke when he needed his pain medications or was hungry. Adon would have understood if he was that way with everyone. He spoke to his parents about how he was really feeling and even laughed with them. What was more was that whenever Doctor Amara came into the room, he lit up and became a chatterbox. Adon watched the development and gradually grew depressed. She wanted to start a conversation (again) when Drs. Anwar and Amara, Jason’s parents and two nurses came in. Adon felt her chest constrict and deep down, she knew it was more from jealousy than worry at what the doctors had to say. Doctor Anwar started speaking. ‘I wanted to talk to all of you at the same time. Jason, how are you feeling?’ ‘I feel horrible.’ Jason said as he laughed. ‘Well…I am glad you can laugh about this. You are doing better and if not for that relapse last week, you could be on your way home this week. Your ribs are healing nicely and for now, your body is adjusting to having one kidney. Most of the other injuries have healed well and there is no more internal bleeding. On paper, you look good. But the human body acts as it wants for each individual. If you continue at this rate, we could have you home by the end of next week, with scheduled weekly checkup until the pins in your ribs are removed. That been said, I want to suggest that you see a psychologist and just talk. When you have near-fatal accidents like this, you could have post-traumatic stress disorder, leading to a warped perception of reality. One of it may be a heightened fear of driving and another may be attachment to certain individuals…’ Adon was piqued. Did the doctor notice what was happening? Was he trying to tell her something? Her eyes darted to Dr. Amara and to Jason and she saw them share a look. ‘….so, he should be home next week if everything goes well. I have drawn up a regimen to help you help him and you need to follow it to the latter. You can rotate between three of you so it is not…’ Jason’s mum interrupted. ‘I accepted to allow her stay here because you demanded that. But she will no longer be required when he comes home. We can take care of him ourselves. She is not welcome in our home.’ She punctuated her bile with the most vicious look. Adon looked at Mrs. Ogbeche and turned to look at Jason. He didn’t say anything. Adon open her mouth, but the words didn’t come. Jason looked away. ‘Jason, do you want me to stay or is your mother speaking for you?’ Adon asked huskily. The tears were threatening to fall. Jason said nothing. Dr. Amara started talking. ‘I don’t think this is the time or place…’ ‘Shut up! Just shut up!’ Adon exploded. ‘Don’t speak to her that way!’ Jason shouted right back at Adon. The silence in the room was deafening. Adon’s embarrassment was palpable. Adon looked at Jason, got up from the chair, gathered her things and walked out of the room. ‘Adon…wait..’ ‘Let her go Jason. She is bad news.’ Mrs. Ogbeche said. *** Adon sat in her car, crying her soul out. All the frustration that came from her inability to contact Jason that sorry day he left, to being in the hospital and the immense betrayal completely broke her spirit. She wanted to die; such was the pain in her chest. As the tears gradually piped down, it finally dawned on her that a figure had been by her window almost as long as she had been crying. She looked up from the blue scrubs to the gentle face of Dr. Anwar. She wound down her windshield. ‘I…I..am..s..ss…o..sorry Dr. A.nwa…r. I di…dn’t see you there.’ Adon said as she tried to control the spasms running through her body. ‘Don’t ever be sorry for being in pain. Now, scoot over. I will drive you to your hotel.’ ‘I..I..do..n’t…have…o..one.’ It dawned on Dr. Anwar just how much she had sacrificed for the man she loved. ‘I will take you to one. You are in no state to drive now. Don’t worry, it will be fine.’ *** ‘So you mean there is nothing I can do?’ Adon asked resignedly. ‘No, there isn’t. Sometimes, these things last for a week and sometimes, it lasts forever. The only thing that can change it is if his brain rewires itself, for lack of a better word. We cannot force the brain to do that.’ Adon started pacing as she contemplated what she had just heard. The doctor had noticed the fixation of Jason on Dr. Amara as he questioned him about his accident. He told her earlier on. ‘The accident was near fatal. If the ambulance had been as much as an hour (or even 30 minutes) late, he would have died. She was the last face he saw before he passed out and in his brain, she
Dear Future Family: Letter to My Daughter
Image: Ebony Magazine Dear baby girl, When I look at you, I am almost bursting with joy! Wow! I am thankful for you and I cannot help but bask in the awesomeness of having someone like me spring forth from me. To have the opportunity to influence you means the world to me. I love you baby girl! I have to let you into some of the drama you might face as you chart your way in the world. First, I am not going to start you off with such nonsense like, ‘girls should or shouldn’t…’ There is absolutely nothingthat you can’t do! So if you want to play football (though dad and I will prefer basketball), go to military school, be an astronaut, engineer or play with dolls and make-up, we will support you. The only thing we demand of you (and your brother) is that you study and research every single day! Be assured that I will start reading to you from the womb and from age 1, you will probably start reading yourself. As you grow older, people will tell you that it is your place to do house chores; to clean, cook, do the laundry and whatnot. Well, they are wrong! It is not your place to do that! In our home, we will alldo chores; dad, you, your brothers and me. Chores will not be something we do out of duty but out of love for one another. I will not have you cooking while your brother is playing games. You will both be with me or dad in the kitchen whenever we are cooking until you are old enough to be on the family cooking schedule. You need to know that you are beautiful just the way you are and no one could have put it better than Bruno Mars. No matter where your skin color falls on the human skin chart, YOU ROCK! Don’t let anyone tell you that you are ugly because you are African. Trust me, they will try! You need to know that your skin, be it anywhere from albino to dark-skinned, is glorious, beautiful and blessed! You don’t need a lighter skin to be beautiful. Hence, it will really disappoint me if you decide to bleach your skin to fit into the warped views of people who know no better. If you come out carrying my kind of hair, hair that has been called ‘nappy’, ‘unprofessional’, ‘unattractive’, ‘unappealing’ and in some cases, ‘disgusting’, I will like you to embrace your it just the way it is. Almost everyone will tell you to relax it, cover it with a weave or wig or just keep it under a scarf. They will want you to do anything but rock your natural hair. Pay no mind to them! You can wear your hair in an afro, braids, Bantu knots, twists, twist-outs, dreads or even low cut. Thankfully, there is a natural hair movement sweeping across the globe and even cultural appropriative people are jumping on it. What I am not sure of is how long this will last. In spite of whether it is trending or not, I want you to always know that your skin, hair and look is a beauty ideal. If you want to wear makeup, that is fine by me. If you want the whole nine beauty yards – nails, lashes, skin, makeup and hair – then be sure that we will provide them for you as is reasonable. I just don’t want you to spend two hours doing makeup when you can be doing so much more. I want you to know that no matter how beautiful you look with makeup, if you are not comfortable in your own skin and natural self, then it is all for naught. In my view, beauty companies thrive on the lack of self-confidence of women and in many cases, perpetuate that lack of self-confidence. Beauty, baby girl, is transient. Knowing this will make you more accepting of the person you were created to be. I will teach you about modesty in dressing because personally, I like conservative wears. I am very self-conscious about my look and easily get uncomfortable when people are staring at me. That is why I dress modestly. That doesn’t mean that if you wear revealing clothes, you are a whore. Every woman has the right to wear whatever she wants. I want you to know this however; there are many sick people who think that your cloth is an invitation for them to harm you. You have to realize that they are wrong! However, there are appropriate clothes for different occasions and I will teach you to be able to decipher what to wear when. Some women believe in trading sex for what they want in life. The world has a name for them; I don’t. It is their choice to be whomever they decide to be. I would however not want you to do that. I want you to know that you can be whomever you destine yourself to be, have whatever you want and achieve anything without doing so on your back. Sometimes – heck whom I am deceiving! MOST TIMES – you will have to work harder than men in the same position as you but guess what? You are equipped for it! I want you to look at the likes of Oprah, Beyonce, Debra Lee, Ava Duvernay, Shonda Rhimes, President Hillary Clinton (she will always be President to me regardless of that travesty of an election), Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf, Aisha Mohammed, Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, Omobola Johnson, Madam Marie Curie, and other women who have done well in their chosen fields. They worked hard at being the women they wanted to be and the world celebrated their genius. I won’t lie to you that women who have lived on the backs are not celebrated too. It takes a great deal of sexual appeal to be a Marilyn Monroe or a Cleopatra but I would prefer that you walk a different path.
Dear Future Family: Letter to My Son
Image: Jet Magazine Dear future son, Oh how I love you! From the moment I saw you, I was overwhelmed with such glorious love and happiness. I could tell you would look exactly like your father and the thought of having a mini version of the man I love is pure joy. As you grow into that bumble of joy and excitement that I can barely contain, I want to share some ground rules with you. You need to know that you are born into a world that gives you some advantages. When James Brown said ‘It is a man’s world’, he wasn’t just trying to sell records. He was speaking about a very real situation in the world today. While society has given you certain privileges, I will have you know that I require a different set of standards for you. And as your father will tell you, you better not mess with me. Relax baby; I promise to be nice. For many millennia, men have been told they are the superior gender because they are men. They have been taught that women are less than men on all fronts. You will be told that women are supposed to cower before you or defer to you or obey you. You will hear this from school, the community, religious centers, workplaces and even the internet. Where you will neverhear that is at home. This is because all that load of bull poop is just that; a load of shit! Men are not better than women or superior to women. Men and women are created equal with different physical features like two sides of a coin. That is why the difference ends. You will learn this from science. You will learn that the brains of men and women are not that much different and as such, there is no basis for saying that women are less than men. You will learn to respect everyone – be they male or female – and you will learn to treat them as the human beings they are. We will not permit you to be discriminatory to anyone. You will learn to respect people regardless of their faith, belief, ideologies, gender, class, abilities, sexual preferences or orientation and race. Every person is a full human with their own agencies and you will treat them right. I am not saying you should agree with everything they do; not even close. I am saying that you should respect their humanity always in spite of these differences. Every human being has rights and dignity and when you know this, you will never knowingly hurt anyone. We will support you wholly to become anyone you want to be as long as you are not hurting any human being. You have to learn to live for more than just yourself though. Your life needs to be shaped after solving a problem for humanity. There are so many problems in the world today and you stand a better chance of leaving a legacy when solving problems is your mantra than if you live for yourself. And the best principle is creating a need and solving it. You can be better than Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Albert Einstein, Martin Luther King Jr. and even a combination of all of them and more. Whatever you become is all up to you. I want you to be the best version of you and your dad and I will ensure you have the best support system you can possibly have. Be assured however that I will not condone a life formulated after Hitler’s, Stalin’s, Trump’s, Idi Amin’s or Femi Fani Kayode’s. From age 7, I will expect you to start doing chores. We will start with simple things like washing your underwear, cleaning your room, doing the dishes, sweeping certain portions and cleaning surfaces. As you get older, your chores will increase. Also from age 7, I will expect you to be in the kitchen anytime dad and I are cooking. By 13, you would be expected to cook part of the family meals and by 15, you will be placed on the family cooking schedule. This will teach you to be responsible for yourself and others at all times. You don’t need a woman to take care of you. You are a fully functional human being and should be able to function as such. I want you to learn work ethics and discipline. If you work for someone, don’t ever short-change them. Go to work on time, stay in the office for as long as your contract says, and give your best every minute of the time you are in the office. Don’t use your position to abuse the trust your employer or clients place in you. And if you choose to work for yourself, be diligent in your duty to your dream. Wake up every day eager to do more for your goals and stay awake many nights to ensure your vision and dreams translate to tangible reality. You owe yourself that. You do not need to stick to the status quo of society. Be innovative, creative, exploratory, curious, eager and desirous of new things. The environment can be a huge motivation if you look inside out! As you get older, I will teach you about your sexuality and what sex means and doesn’t. You will hear so much about sex and society will tell you that you can get away with so much. Society doesn’t expect you to be chaste; in fact, she will actively encourage you to be anything but. The same standards are not held for women as I am sure you will learn. But this is what I will teach you; if you call an unmarried woman who is sexually active a ‘whore’, then be sure that I will address you the same way if you are sexually active. This means that you must learn to hold everyone to the same standards you hold yourself. And still talking sex, I will never forgive you if
Dear Future Family: Letter to Myself
PICTURE CULLED FROM: NATIONTRENDZ Dear 21st Century Strong Black Woman, Unfortunately, nobody has a song for you because they think you are a phase. But we will have to make do with Run the World by Beyonce. They have been trying to shut you out for so long it is a wonder you are still standing strong. Some even think you are ‘demonic’ for holding your own. Well girl, bask in their hate! Women like you who have refused to cower to the system have gone on to shine further and farther than anyone can ever imagine; women like Beyoncé, Oprah, Chimamanda Adichie, Ava Duvernay, Shonda Rhimes, Maya Angelou, Warsan Shire, Mo Abudu, Kemi Adetiba, Juliet K’ego and so many more that cannot be mentioned. So girl, shine! Write your own stories and force the earth to listen to your brilliance! That being said, we need to talk. First off, we know that you are whole, complete and full. Sometimes you wonder if you will ever find someone who sees the world like you do. You need to know that there are millions of men who not only see the world like you do but who are also searching for you. You have to be more accessible. Sometimes, let it all go down in the DM. Don’t be sending those nudes (tsk Yo Gotti) because there are some really crazy dudes out there who are all about revenge porn. But…be more open. Be more willing to interact with people. On a serious note though. You are complete. No arguing that. No man will complete you. That is given. But you have to allow that good man complement you. We are using the word ‘allow’. You know how you always want things to go your way, well…cut it out! Allow that man sweep you off your feet, allow him treat you like you are fragile even if the world knows you aren’t. We all know you are able to open the car door yourself, pull out your own seat in the restaurant and split the bill but if he insists on doing all these, let him girl! Good thing is, you can always do the same and ask him to get dressed, pick him up, open the car door for him, pull out his seat and pay the bills; just like Usher said in Trading Places. You can then laugh together while cuddling as you compare notes about who is better at the art of romance. He is not expecting you to take his name. How about you surprise him and do? I can see you balking and girl, you better listen! We ain’t here to play! You are no less a feminist if you take your husband’s name. Work hard on getting your name out there, work harder on being memorable and people will not be so bothered about your last name. Leave that for the government documents. I see you are still balking. Girl, when you hear Oprah and Beyoncé, doesn’t it take you a minute to remember what their surnames are? So our point is that you work hard at leaving a legacy and people will care only about your first name. But since you want to change the world with your man, a single name that rings true for your family makes you more awesome. You guys can choose a new name you want to go by if you are not comfortable with his family name. Think of the Durotoyes, the Gates, and the Carters (*wink). The name thing is a two way street. If that man fits into your expectations, you know you don’t need to worry about trivial things like names. Okay? Your mind is beautiful. We know that. We also know you are stubborn. Very! So though you have your own thoughts, you must listen to others once in a while. No one is a repository of knowledge and if you want to be relevant for long, you constantly have to open your mind to the wisdom of others. What better person to listen to than the man you love?! Everyone knows you will not pick someone who is mediocre so open yourself to him. Let him make decisions that you know are important and support him wholly. Baby girl, there are times you should just shut up and be led! Isn’t leading such a stressful path sometimes? And…remember what leadership is about? Following and service! Don’t be Sheldon Cooper or that always-angry woman in those Tyler Perry movies. You do not become less than you are by listening to your man. And about cooking, girl…you know you love to cook! Why are you acting up? We know that it can be tiring but you and he can work out a schedule. Now, don’t go bossing about getting that schedule followed to the tee. When he has a long day in the office, surprise him with a warm bath and piping hot food. Don’t hammer on it being his turn and let that man suffer. You know you would hate it if that is done to you. So, do to him what you would want done to you. Isn’t that the entire essence of the second most important commandment? Meet him at the door with a kiss, don’t nag, resolve fights quickly and when he is having that bath, rub out the kinks in his back and thighs so he can rest well for the hours of lovemaking communion you should have before bed. You know he will do the same for you if you had the long day. So don’t be selling fish. Treat him like a king as he should treat you like a queen. Honor him. Make him feel so good at home that he isn’t happy until he gets back. When at work, you can be the Sasha-fierce-go-getter that you are but when you come home, be a cuddly bear! And yes, we know you hate to cuddle! You will learn, girl, and you will learn fast! Also, learn to leave the office drama in
Dear Future Family: Letter to My Husband 2
Man Proposing with a diamond ringCulled from: SALON Dear future husband, Here are a few things you need to know if you want to be my one and only all my life. Hey Meghan Trainor, get out of my head! First off, I am a whole, complete and full human being. You do not ‘complete’ me, or make me ‘whole’. I am not half a human being who needs to be completed. I hope you also know that you are a whole, complete and a full human being too. I am not in your life to complete you either. I was created for a purpose for which I have taken time to search and understand. Guess what? That purpose is not marriage! Marriage to you will be a part of my life and not the entire essence of it. This means that whether I marry you or remain single, my life will still be fulfilled as long as I live my purpose. So if I decide to marry you, it will not be because marriage will make my life more fulfilling or meaningful. No. And if you haven’t found the ‘why’ of your life, you better keep that ring to yourself. Be assured that I will not marry someone whom I have to help find his way. Find the reason for your existence and then talk to me. Society doesn’t think my identity matters. They either want me to bare my father’s name or yours. It is like the concept of my identity threatens the faux power society wields. Well, I have decided to give my middle finger to society. Taking your name is not compulsory. I love my name! I love my identity! So forgive me darling for wanting to hold on to my name. I mean, it doesn’t change the fact that I am your wife whether I take your name or not. Chimamanda Adichie isn’t less married because she didn’t take her husband’s name. Same with Beyoncé. I hope you understand. The best qualities I bring to you are not my virginity, ability to cook or how long I can pray. The best quality I am bringing to the table is the quality of my mind. I am not an ornament. I have a fully functional brain with my own thoughts, views, ideas and ideologies. I say what I think, whenever I feel. While I admire the quality of your mind, I will not shelve my ideas or views for yours. Your ideas are not better than mine because you are a man. They should be better on merit. And when they are better, I will admit it and respect yours but I will not accept the premise that the quality of an idea is based on which side of the gender divide one falls in. I do not believe you are the head of our home. We are partners in a relationship that is equality. Having said that, I understand that equality is also about sacrifice and compromise and I am willing to be reasonable for the greater good of our partnership. There are days when you should lead and there are days when I should. We need to play to our strengths and capabilities. So let me put this out there; I will not do all the house chores! That house is our home; so we either work together to keep it or we don’t even bother walking down that road. If you want a wife to take care of all the home chores, that woman is not me. I will have no option but to bid you farewell and send out my best wishes to you. Let’s talk about sex baby. (Salt-N-Pepa, it is 2016. A new track won’t hurt!) Sex is a beautiful expression of a lot of things and could mean anything at any given time. I know about sex; a lot! Knowing about sex doesn’t make me a ‘whore’ as popular belief says. Hey society, how come when a woman knows about sex she is a whore but when a man does, he isn’t? We will break you, society! Mark our words! I am not going to act naïve to feed your ego. I will actively partake in the pleasure giving and taking that is sex. There will be role playing games and oh-so-crazy adventurous things we will do in the bedroom (and on the couch, on the table, on the bar, on the floor. You can meet me in the bathr…wait Young Jeezy! Let me finish this!). If this doesn’t go well with your ego, you can go to moon and rest. You will not be missed; at least, not by me. My love, you know I like me some adventure. There are times I would want us to eat out, stay in a hotel, travel around the globe, try new things and basically be as much fun as possible. Even when we get older and can’t be jumping up and down, I still want us to find small pleasures that make memories worth keeping. I can honestly take care of myself. I believe in working hard for everything I need and then working some more for the things I want. I won’t marry you for financial security. My brain is capable of making me as wealthy as I want to be and all of that is independent of you. Don’t think you are doing me a favor by telling me about the money you are making. You may be Jay but you better believe that I am Bey. You can expect that I will bring in my own slice of the bacon which should be a Naira for Naira match of what you are bringing in. While I expect us to gift each other things over the course of our lives, don’t worry about my clothes, underwear, skin products, hair and makeup. I’ve got this. I also want you to know that I will buy houses, cars, bonds, businesses and other things I
Should We Consider Banning Telemundo?
Picture Credit: ESSENCE Hey! I am not discriminatory. This includes ZeeWorld too! But first, let me start at the beginning. I always say that those of us that are millennials had the best TV time. We had a variety of shows that were enlightening and in some aspects, deliberately weird. We had black people, white people, Asians, Latinos, and even really good Nigerian movies and TV series on TV. We also had super heroes, weirdos, anime, scathing comedy and Sci-fi movies. In essence, almost everyone from Generation Y had a plethora of good television from around the world. What is most impressive however is that we all had the same TV exposure! Most people who had TV and cable watched about the same things and for those who only had NTA, the wait for 4pm for broadcast to start is something we all remember with a bit of nostalgia. So if I mention 7 Lucky Kids, Burning Train, Snake in the Monkey Shadow, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Power Rangers or Things Fall Apart, most millennials would smile and have something to talk about. The game changed however when more cable companies came into play and more TV channels popped up. Nigeria alone has more than 10 cable TV providers, with DSTV, StarTimes and HiTV being the most popular. With these cable TV providers, there are all kinds of things on television for all kinds of audiences. The common thing between these cable TV providers is that they understand the basic genres and provide them across board. These genres includes news, sports, music, religion, film, local content and Telemundo! Yes, I just classed Telemundo as a genre! Telemundo is an American Spanish language terrestrial television network owned by Comsat. They provide films and TV series centered on the lives of Latin Americans with story lines following love, enmity, betrayal and eventual triumph. Telemundo is one channel but like most things in Nigeria, we have made one thing the generic name for things in the same category. It is like how we call all detergents ‘Omo’ and all toothpastes ‘Maclean’. So for this article, the term ‘Telemundo’ is used to refer to any film or TV series that is centered on the lives of Latin Americans. Telemundo probably has one of their biggest markets in Africa and a lot of that from Nigeria. The question that bugs me is how the fracking hell Telemundo became so popular?! It probably has a lot to do with the Africa Independent Television. AIT was the first to introduce Telemundo into the Nigerian scene. Who remembers when Cuando seas mia was on air? Translated to English, ‘When You are Mine’ was a big hit across the country and almost every Nigerian followed the lives of Diego and Paloma as they tried to find love in spite of the difference in their social status. I will admit that I watched every episode but the grand finale and it broke me that I missed that. What came on next was Second Chance (or El Cuerpo del desio) and by that time, I was bored with telenovelas. Soon came StarTimes (for average Nigerians) and DSTV (for ‘rich-er’ Nigerians). Men flocked to the Super Sports channels and somehow, of all the channels to choose from, women chose Telemundo. In time, it became a fad. Women who spent more time at home seemed to fill their hours with telenovelas. After a while, ZeeWorld became the very attractive sister of Telemundo. ZeeWorld is a channel that follows the same themes but with emphasis on Indian people. Because some of India’s culture is similar to the Hausa/Fulani culture in Nigeria, ZeeWorld caught on quickly. So we had ZeeWorld controlling women in the North and Telemundo controlling women in the South. This was in addition to the variations of Africa Magic that each geopolitical region is attuned to. In time, the barrier broke. Almost every woman watches either ZeeWorld or Telemundo. It doesn’t even matter what the status, tribe or religion these women are. What then is the problem with Telemundo and ZeeWorld? Looking at it plainly…nothing much. It is good entertainment (I have heard) and can be packed with some life lessons. I am however worried about the addiction many women have to these channels. Stories have been told of women burning food, leaving their houses dirty, refusing to go out for days and even running through the rain to catch an episode. Most of these stories come from men so I tend to take it with a pinch of salt. I believe most men want to be the center of attention of their wives’ lives and seeing her so deeply immersed in something that isn’t them may not be good for their ego. I will go further to say that men don’t think anything is wrong with their own addiction to football and they expect women to deal with it. Double standards, right? Anyway, I am worried about the addiction to Telemundo and ZeeWorld because it seems to be a result of some other underlying factors. For centuries, black women have been told that they have nothing that can be defined as a beauty ideal. From skin tone to hair texture, we have been told we aren’t good enough. So here we are with two channels providing stories about women that have called beautiful and exotic. And even though India and most of South America have dark skinned people, these people never make it to these shows and if they do, they are cast as poor and unappealing. In essence, we have two channels showing thin, light skinned women with long, straight or wavy hair who get the guy they want because of these qualities. This subliminally makes the African woman perceive herself as less beautiful and less important. It is then no surprise that more and more women are bleaching their skin and wearing Brazilian weaves and Indian ‘Human hair’. This makes it harder for the African woman who loves herself just as she is to fit into our society. Another aspect is the effect on the intellect. Most of the storyline for the film/series shown on Telemundo and ZeeWorld
What Happened to Cyber Cafes?
Cyber cafe in Nigeria.Picture: MY TECH PORTAL The visit by the world’s 7th richest man and founder of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, to Nigeria was welcomed as a sign that Nigeria is finally getting noticed by some influencers of Silicon Valley. Most people were excited at the prospect of further collaborations with the tech giant after the success of the Andela story. While people were fawning over him, if I was there I might I have done so too I couldn’t help but conclude that Zuckerberg was here for the dollars; or at least, the potential dollars. This was so eloquently put by Oby Ezekwesili in her tweet below. In spite of that, I am really glad that the world is seeing us as not just technology consumers but also as creators. The future of Nigeria is not technology; it is the present! And if we are able to harness the power that comes from creating solutions using technology, we willmove from the rut the country is in now. As I pondered on the visit of Zuckerberg, I mean people won’t let you rest with the visit all over social media I couldn’t help but be propelled into a not too distant past. It was sometime between 2001 and 2005 and most Nigerians were just discovering the internet. Yahoo was the boss of all bosses and Yahoo Messenger and Myspace were about the only chat sites there were. That was the era of the cyber cafes! I remember going to buy one hour internet time at about ₦200. Internet explorer was the only browsing site I knew and it would take forever for a page to load. Isn’t it funny that the site is still crappy? We used to feel so good to ‘browse’ the internet! Cyber cafes were popping up everywhere. As they did, the price for ‘browsing’ reduced. Even with that, the numbers of cyber cafes were just not enough for the people. Do you remember how cafes used to be filled (to the brim) with people waiting their turn to surf the net? How people booked seats and stood behind those already in front of the computer? How people jostled – literally – for seats as soon as someone got up? And how patient we were with the odors that resulted from having too many people in a tiny room? What a time! Cyber café owners were demi-gods. They had money, they could charge anything they wanted from doe-eyed customers and they could use the internet whenever they wanted. Gradually, phones became more accessible to people and phones with internet features became more prominent. Personal computers and laptops also became cheaper and more accessible to people. As this happened, the number of people going to cyber cafes began to reduce. The reduction was not drastic but it was there. I think the dearth of cyber cafes was the Blackberry phone. When Blackberry phones came into Nigeria in 2006, it caught on like wild fire. Nigerians had moved from the need to just call and receive messages to a need to follow the trend as it happened! Blackberry phones were one up on the other phones – Nokia and Samsung – that were in the market. They introduced the Blackberry Internet Service (BIS) which allowed unlimitedinternet access. People realized they could do whatever they wanted from the comforts of their homes and they went crazy! Cyber cafes were no longer NEEDED! Funny thing is, though Blackberry had the power to push out cafes, they didn’t have the power to remain relevant in the Nigerian market. What a laugh! But that is a story for another day. Helping Blackberry phones destroy cyber cafes were personal modems. People used these modems for their PCs and Laptops and had much better speed than the cafes. People were finding out that the internet could be such a fun, stress-free activity that wasn’t punctuated by the malodorous smells of packed cafes. So…more people stopped going to cafes! As this happened, cyber cafes became more like computer centers for printing out, photocopying and scanning documents. The only time cafes seemed to be relevant was for registering and writing examinations (JAMB, WASSCE, and NECO), registering for new semesters/sessions, filling mass employment application forms (police, immigration etc) and checking results. Then came the era of smartphones; iPhones and android phones. The speed with which these devices took over Nigeria is worthy of scientific research. Almost everybody has one of these phones! Telecommunication companies knew that they could gain more by reducing the cost of data bundles and they went into competition with each other on who had the cheapest data bundles. As they warred with each other and milked Nigerians of their hard earned money more and more people stopped using cyber cafes. I didn’t know how bad it was until I had to send an urgent mail. All my devices were down, and I was time-bound and desperate. I went to a café in Lagos and was the only one there. I bought an hour and had the worst time online since maybe 2010! In that hour, the only other people that came in were really old people or people with little formal education. I bought an extra hour to test my theory and it was solid; young people were not going to cafes anymore! It made me wonder what happened to cybercafés. I knew it was preposterous to base my conclusion on one cyber café so when I got to Abuja, I checked out a couple of cyber cafes. It was the same thing I saw. When I returned home to Kaduna, I went to the cafes I used to hang out in and all five of them showed marked decline in patronage. In fact, one of the biggest cafes in Sabo, Kaduna, was empty; on a Saturday! I followed through by visiting Ahmadu Bello University (ABU), Zaria. When my bestie and I passed the café at the Social Center, there were just few people in there. If you attended ABU, you know that café used to be always so packed! It was surprising to see just a few people there. Anyway, I realized that cyber cafes didn’t
Ibrahim Mustapha: Pioneering Kaduna’s Online Mall
The love of the series – House Of Cards – can lead to many things. After tweeting about the season four finale, a tweep with the handle @Hunta_Smith said he had not seen that season. I really don’t know why I asked him to come get it if he was in Kaduna. I didn’t expect he would reply but he did. He not only told me he was in Kaduna but he was willing to meet me where I was. We made an appointment and I went through his profile to see if I could find any serial killer traits. When we finally met, I introduced myself and he said, ‘I am Ibrahim Mustapha.’ We got talking and being the nosy inquisitive person that I am, I peppered him with questions about himself and his work. When I was done grilling him, I knew I had write about him. Continue here.
