The Men Who Snitched on Their Gender
Picture: BLACK WOMEN OF BRAZIL I woke up this morning with the thought of one of the shows I did on television. We had this business mogul on the show and he was talking about business principles for success. Just as we were rounding up, he asked us to let him say something. It went something like this; ‘I am the man I am today because I have a very wonderful wife. If she isn’t in my life, I probably wouldn’t have reached this success level I am enjoying today. What most people don’t know is that she isn’t good at business but she is a great idea churner. Almost every venture I have turned into a lucrative money-making business is an idea my wife whispered to me. She is the idea and I am the execution. That is why we are so successful. Men, learn to respect the women in your lives. They hold the key to your success.’ After our cooing and awwwing, we wrapped up the show and went out of the studio. When we went into our office for the post show discussion, I couldn’t help but notice that some of my colleagues were laughing at our guest. I wondered what it was about but didn’t bother to ask. As we proceeded with our analysis of the day’s performance, we got to the issue of the business mogul and next thing you know, one of my very vocal colleagues shouted, ‘That man has been pussy-whipped’. This drew some laughter from those who understood what he meant and blank faces from those who didn’t. It prompted a gender debate and we jokingly discussed the importance of women. My colleague didn’t let go of his opinion. He kept saying, ‘That man is such a snitch!’ I asked him what he meant by that and he said men who let their women ‘control’ them are snitches on their gender and that men are supposed to be ‘manly’ and behave a certain way. I remember that I looked at my colleague and imagined how a person could be so ignorant! So, because a man praises his wife and respects her, he has snitched on his gender? As I pondered on that incident, I thought of other men who could be said to have ‘snitched’ on their gender. Here is a list; 1. The Men Who BELIEVE In the Equality of the Sexes: you know how women are supposed to be less than men and thus, defer to them? Yeah, there are men who don’t believe so! These men understand that gender equality doesn’t negate the roles of each sex but accepts that we are human first before we are our gender. They believe that women and men should have equal access to education, healthcare, life choices, job opportunities, same pay, leadership positions, promotions, dignity of person and of ideas. These men get incensed when women are treated less than men are because of their sex. Know a man like this? When you see him on the road, this is what you should say to him. ‘You bloody wonderful snitch’! 2. The Men Who HELP Out In the House: in this world of men sitting down and watching football while their mothers/sisters/wives slaves in and around the house, finding that man who helps around the house is such a breath of fresh air. I went to stay with a family recently; a mother, her daughter and son. I woke up to help out with chores only to see that the guy had done almost everything. He cleaned the house, did the dishes, washed the cars and prepared breakfast. I was like, ‘Dude, where are you from?!’ He laughed and told me he had to prepare for work. I asked about his mum and his sister and he told me his mum was down with fever and his sister wasn’t a morning person because she worked nights. So he took care of the house and when his sister got up, she didn’t have to do all the work in the house. I looked at him straight in the eye and said, ‘will you marry me?’ Such a snitch! 3. The Men Who would NEVER Hit A Woman: women, you know how we can get very blabber-mouthed when we quarrel with people right? How we go for the jugular? Where we just want to eviscerate a person? Well…I am not one of such women! (Hey! Don’t vex na! I am just playing! Chai! Okay…okay…I confess. I am THAT person!) There was this day I quarreled with a dear friend…(what now?! Stop giving me that side eye. Okay! Okay! Insert boyfriend)…and I was really mad. We had never gone at it like that before. Usually, when I am mad at him, I just walk away because I know my mouth is razor-sharp. On this day however, all the claws were out and drawing blood. My alter ego came out and looked at me and quite frankly, if I was him and I was listening to the things I had to say, I would have descended on me. Have you watched Kung Fu Hustle? Trust me, the slaps would have been that fast! Anyhoo, I could see that he was about to explode and I didn’t stop. He walked away and guess what? I followed! I started pulling him at, tugging at his shirt and spewing my venom. Reading this, you would think I wanted to get beaten but the truth was, I was dealing with rage issues and I couldn’t reason clearly when the anger got to a certain point. One final tug and gbam! He punched! He hit the metal door away from my face. After the sound of bone hitting metal, the silence was deafening. I had pushed him to the point where he raised his hand but he still wouldn’t hit me. He preferred to injure himself –
Being the Weaker Sex
Working woman with her baby.Image: Your Life Hack. I know this very beautiful lady whose spirit is equally beautiful. She is the type of lady that brings about a sense of calmness when you speak to her. Her humility is so inspiring and the light in her eyes tell of a spirit that is happy, carefree and blessed. Then she got married. Barely three months into the marriage, I noticed a marked change in her demeanor; the light in her eyes had dimmed considerably, there was an air of sadness about her and what used to be graceful slimness began to look more gaunt than slim. When I perceive such sadness, I don on Agatha Christie’s Monsieur Poirot’s persona. I went about investigating the cause of her sadness and what I found was deliberately annoying! Her husband works in a multinational oil company while she works in bank. They both have to leave the house before 7am and both return home quite late. You corporate workers know the drill! It was a power marriage…but only for the husband. I found out that the husband demanded she cooked fresh breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. This lady would wake up at about 3:30am to prepare breakfast and lunch and to clean their house. She would package his lunch in a flask and help him prepare for work. After a long day at the office, she would rush home to cook his dinner and probably wait for him to fuck have sex with her at night. What was most annoying was that the husband demanded she washes his clothes too. He used to take his clothes to the dry cleaners before he married her but he was quoted as saying, ‘I cannot be wasting money now that I have a wife’. So this lady had to wash his suits, shirts and kaftans and iron them for her ‘darling husband’. After three months, she was bone-tired from balancing slavery house work and a hectic bank schedule. Truth is, she was tired of the marriage. She wanted out but being a ‘devout Christian’, she felt she had no options. You can imagine how angry I got when I heard all these. I was so mad I almost walked up to man to slap him! I know you would think it is not my business but truth is, it is! Here is why I got so riled up. Time and time again, we have been told that women are the weaker sex. Most religions of the world preach that women are weaker and it seems to be one of the few points that the religions of the world agree. In Islam, the Qur’an the Hadith says a woman has a ‘weaker mind’ (Qur’an 2:228 and Bukhari 6:301 respectively), the Bible in 1 Peter 3:7 calls the woman the ‘weaker vessel’, early Judaism saw the woman as ‘weak minded’ and even my grandfather drummed it in so well into his children that my father believes we are weaker. What of our cultures? They lend their weight to the notion that women are weaker. And not just that, they put up cultural markers in place to remind us that we are the weaker gender. So…if we are the weaker sex, why the bloody hell do we do most of the work?! There are many women like the woman I mentioned above; women who have to get it right at the home front and get it right at work. Some women are lucky and are allowed to have maids. Some are not. They have to do everything themselves! The argument has always been that men need to ‘focus on work and provide the bread’ so women have to ensure the home is properly catered to. I used to understand the logic. But now, more and more women are in the work place as their husbands are. Some women even do morein the office than their husbands. Is it then fair to continue to hold that ‘logic’ and to make such women do all the work at home? Let me shade my dad and brother a bit. My sister and I don’t live at home because of work so they probably see us twice a year. My other sister is in school and is home about four times a year. When we are away, my father and brother do all the household chores and maintain the house. My dad fixes his breakfast – a cup of tea – daily and sets off for work. Fast forward to whenever I come home. Soon as they see I am home, they take their hands off the household chores. My dad would even ask that I fix his breakfast. I want to assume that he misses me and would prefer to have that special bonding moment but eh ehn! I no gree! See, my father is set in his ways and one of his beliefs is that chores are for women. Simple and short! He raised us like that and even when my mother insisted that my brother does chores, my father relegated him to sweeping duty. Even that became a problem for him as we grew up. I knew he wouldn’t do it so I just took his portion. I spoke to my sisters and they said when they also come home, they experience same. My brother is especially worse. If I don’t wake up on time, my dad may still fix his breakfast but my brother? Total hands-off from chores! It wasn’t until I fell a bit ill that they both miraculously found the ability to take care of themselves (and the house) again. They wanted me to feel that if I wasn’t home, they would die but seeing how fresh they both looked, I begin to wonder. Done shading! Okay popsi, no vex abeg! You see, many men in the country are like that. They feel a woman can and shoulddo any and every household chore. A woman is supposed to maintain a house and maintain her husband and
Buharu’s 33-Man Delegation To The US: The Absence Of Female Representation
President Muhammadu Buhari and his Delegation to the United States of America pose with former President Barack Obama at the Oval Office.Image: Sahara Reporters. President Muhammadu Buhari is back in the country from his four-day official trip to the United States of America and in my view, just in time to be reminded of certain campaign promises he made which ensured his victory. The President was in Washington, USA, on Sunday, July 19, 2015 with an entourage of 33 men. The delegation was literally made up of men; and if that doesn’t sink in, it means that his delegation to the United States of America was entirely devoid of a woman. This rubbed me some type of way. So many thoughts ran through my mind as I tried to look at all possible angles for excluding women from a delegation of such international importance. Many people who know me think that I am overly critical of President Buhari so I tried to be as balanced as possible in my analysis of his decision. I will admit here that in the end, my original perception of the decision to exclude women did not change. I decided to make it a topic on my radio breakfast show. At the end of the show, I felt it was a tie between my listeners. While many said there was no reason why he should have taken any woman on the trip, an almost equal number believed that at least one woman should have been a part that pivotal bilateral discussion with the United States. As a result of that, I decided to write again to the President, with the hopes that, unlike Senator Shehu Sani, he would care about my opinions; even if he did not directly seek my vote and even though I did not vote for him. Here is why I think there should have been female representation in that 33-man delegation to the United States: 1. The delegation seemed to represent most of the major demographics and sectors of the nation with just one exception; women! Looking at the list holistically, it seemed like the North East was represented by Governor Kashim Shettima of Borno state and he doubled as a representative of the region most affected by the insurgency of the Boko Haram sect. On the other hand, Governor Adams Oshiomole of Edo state represented the South-South region. Governor Abiola Ajimobi of Oyo state represented the South-West, Governor Umaru Tanko Almakura of Nassarawa (North-Central), Governor Rochas Okorocha of Imo (South-East) and Senator Hadi Siriki of Katsina (North-West) ensured that the six geopolitical zones of the country were represented. That being said, the economic sector was represented by the Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN), Godwin Emefiele. There were ambassadors in that delegation (Paul Bulus; G. B. Igali; and Lawal N.B. Kazaure), a representation of media in the person of Femi Adesina, the special adviser to the President on Media and Publicity and of course the representation of the youth, which was by the son of the president, Yusuf Buhari. Religion was also represented by Pastor Tunde Bakare and the Malam Garba. The list also had top civil servants, representatives from the National Security Adviser and representatives from economic policy and foreign affairs think thanks, according to the PM News dated July 12, 2015. They delegation seemed to be devoid of JUST one demographic; female representation. That should have been a reason to get women on that delegation. 2. POPULATION STATISTICS Index Mundi put the entire population of Nigeria at 177,155,754 people. As at 2013, the World Bank put the female population of Nigeria at 49.10%. If we factor in 49.10% of the figure given by Index Mundi, we have the total number of females in Nigeria at 86,983,475. That is an almost equal number of females as there are males. In one meeting, former President Barack Obama had four women on his team. The Nigerian delegation didn’t have one.Image: The Guardian. 3. WOMEN HAVE BEEN EASY VICTIMS OF THE INSURGENCY Since the insurgency, women and children have suffered as much – if not more – than men. This has been documented by Wikipedia in the ‘Boko Haram Timeline’ article. Some of the more tragic stories are seen below; a) In 2013, the National Emergency Management Agency (NEMA) was reported to have said ‘Borno was hit, with about 1.3 million people – MOST OF THEM WOMEN, CHILDREN AND THE ELDERLY (emphasis mine) – in need of aid’; b) In February, 2013, an attack on polio vaccinators left 9 women dead; c) Four months and a day after that attack, precisely June 9, 2013, 9 children were killed in Maiduguri. On the same day, 13 students and teachers were killed in Damaturu; d) Less than a month after the preceding attack, more than 42 people were killed by Boko Haram gunmen in a Yobe School. This happened on the 6th day of July, 2013; e) The attacks continued on September 29, 2013, in schools in Yobe, with one in Gujba College, where more than 50 students died; f) In 2014, the attacks of children came in early on February 25. The attacks happened at the Federal Government College, Yobe State. 59 students were massacred; g) And the story that really made Nigeria an epic failed state was what happened on April 15, 2014; the kidnap of 276 female students from Chibok, Borno State. 216 girls are still in captivity 466 days (as at post) after they were kidnapped. Though this was the most important story to the international community, there were much more women kidnapped, raped, married off to members of the insurgent group and killed. The rescue of about 256 girls from Sambisa Forest, the Boko Haram stronghold, was a clear testament to that; h) Between June 20 and 23, there were attacks in Borno State where at least 70 people were killed and 91 women and children kidnapped; i) And finally, on November 10, 2014, 46 students were killed
