My Inspiration Wall
Photo by ATC Comm Photo from Pexels I remember walking into a radio station in Abuja for an interview. When I got to the green – or waiting – room, I was pleasantly surprised by the surrounding wall that had pictures of many icons on it; Martin Luther King, Gandhi, the Dalai Lama, Fela and a host of others. As I basked in memories of the work each person had contributed to humanity, I began to notice something that gradually dropped the smile from my face; there was hardly any woman on that wall. I wondered if the owner didn’t think there were women worthy of being on his wall; women whose contribution to humanity helped shaped the world as it is today; women who deserved to be seen. I wanted to be mad, but I reined it in. It was his wall after all and he could do whatever he wanted with it. Before I left the station however, I promised myself that when I set up my office, I was going to have a wall dedicated to women who had inspired me to contribute to humanity. I would call it my ‘inspiration wall’. A little over a year after I made that promise to myself, I created my ‘office’ space in my home. I dedicated a wall for my icons and then carefully curated the women I wanted to go up on it. By the time I was done, I had about twenty-four women I wanted to put up. With the space in my home, I could only put up fifteen without making the wall look…too much. Again, I started trimming down my list of inspiring women. When I finally got my 15, I sought pictures of them that captured the essence I felt connected me to them in the first place. So…I present you my inspiration wall. They are categorized into the following: 1. My Biggest Inspiration: This is the topmost row of the pictures on the wall. It has me, Enigbe Ochekliye, Sadiya Ochekliye, Oprah Winfrey and Beyoncé Knowles. I need to put this out there. My mother – Hajiya Hauwa Umar – should be the first person on this row…or even at the very top of it. She taught me resilience and was the first person who showed me what it meant to be a feminist; even though at that point, I didn’t know the word and today, my mother wouldn’t accept the title. One of the biggest lessons I remember from my mother was when she called me and told me to never ask a man for money to get him a birthday present. I was about 8 years old then. What she was saying was, don’t be dependent on a man for the things you need. Make your own money so you can take care of yourself and your family. When people say I work hard, best believe that it is because I have such an innate sense of pride and a burning need to never be dependent on anyone, and especially not on any man. But my mother is also a conservative Muslim who doesn’t believe that pictures should be hung on the wall. So I am respecting her wishes but, you can imagine her hanging somewhere at the top of the pictures. My sisters – Enigbe and Sadiya – are constantly inspiring me with their dedication to acquiring more knowledge, understanding and innovation. Enigbe is one of the most intelligent women I know. If we grew up in a ‘sensible’ country, she would probably be working with the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) now. Sadiya is such an empath. She is so loving and caring that it is infectious. The way she relates to those of us that are her family members, her friends, her acquaintances and strangers is worth emulating. They inspire me to be better, to always leave room for more because there is always more I can do with myself and for my interaction with people. Oprah was the first black woman I saw that showed me we could be anything we wanted to be. She was such powerful and influential trailblazer. She rose in the ranks because she gave 100% of herself…and then some. It was because of Oprah that I knew I wanted to do media. I didn’t know what area I wanted to go into because I was still so sure I was going to be a neurosurgeon but somehow, I felt… ‘if Oprah can do it all, I can do it all’. And then I met Beyoncé. Singer with Destiny’s Child, energetic spirit and oh so so dedicated to her craft. When I say met, I don’t mean in person…even though it is on my bucket list. Being introduced to how much work went into putting out her music or the up-tempo videos or even the magnificent live performances, caused me to fall in love with her. Who was this woman? Why didn’t she seem to stop? How could she keep going with so much energy and fire? I felt like she was my soul sister. And I don’t need to say it…but I will. Beyoncé is one of my all-time favorite artists in the world. And then, there is me. I am one of my biggest inspirations. I work hard, I give my best to whatever it is that I do, I open myself to learning and contributing to my society and I am a good person; even if I say so myself. In the past, I never would have said this. In fact, up until recently, I used to think it was conceited to say good things about one’s self. But I have come to the realization that I am a work-in-progress. I make mistakes, I do bad things sometimes, I am downright horrible at other times…but all these, all of these things, do not negate the fact that I am a good person. If anything, it emphasizes it. I have grown in
The Review: Pretty Hurts – Beyonce
Hello you! As promised, here is the first episode of our new show – SHADES OF US: THE REVIEW. We are huge fans of Beyonce and we knew we just had to start this show with her song. On this episode, we discuss PRETTY HURTS. Listen to THE REVIEW here. If you cannot see the audio controls, your browser does not support the audio element
When Women Become the Drivers of Misogyny and Patriarchy
Beyonce and Serena when they were pregnant It saddens me that I have to take this stand today but it has become necessary. Let me make this assertion; in many instances, women are the drivers of patriarchy and a hindrance to other women’s advancement. Even though I have always known that many women are not supportive of each other, I get angry when people say it out loud. I believe those statements are always said in poor light and usually used to describe women as these petty, jealous and bitter beings. I also felt that it was a rhetoric meant to push the idea that we can’t be trusted to be functional outside our ‘emotions’. But even more than that, I desperately wanted to believe that the men who said things like this were wrong; just as they were wrong about our abilities, capabilities and equality. But the past few weeks has got me really assessing my stand on the issue. I knew I had to step out of the idealistic bubble I had put myself in and address the fact that women give misogyny life. While some men and their applies-only-to-women rules are a big problem, women can sometimes look like they are our ‘biggest’ problem. Here is why I am sad about it. Women are quick to put other women down. Say ‘men and women are equal’ and a lot of times, it is a woman who says we aren’t. An unmarried woman gets to the height of her profession or business or political peak and women patriarchists would be the first to classify her achievements as rubbish because she has no husband. A group of us are making the decision to keep our names when we marry and guess what? Some of our biggest opposition are women! Moving on, some women are beginning to come out of abusive relationships and marriages with evidence of abuse and women ask what they did to get beaten or abused! A woman says she is being sexually abused and other women ask what she was wearing. She says she was raped and women ask ‘What took you to his house?’ She says she wants to run for office and women label her a prostitute. In many communities, women who have gone through the pain of female genital mutilation are themselves the ones who ensure younger generations get cut. Like what the hell?! Of course there are men who do these too but our desire is that they will become less vocal as women become more aware of our rights. But how do you deal with women who are helping these men to keep the walls of patriarchy and misogyny from falling down? And why can’t they see the irony? Let me give you some examples that got me in a fix. When Beyoncé got pregnant and said it was a miracle, the backlash was quick. Many people challenged her for daring to call her pregnancy a miracle. Naomi Schaefer Riley of The New York Post even published this piece trivializing her pregnancy. I am a Beyoncé fan and could be labelled jaded but isn’t it weird that we all say, ‘The miracle of childbirth’, ‘A child is a miracle’ but when Beyoncé gets pregnant, pregnancy isn’t a miracle anymore? I could almost understand the ignorance of the men who wanted to dictate how a woman should feel about something happening to her, but for the life of me, I couldn’t understand women who felt they needed to put her experience down because she dared to call it a ‘miracle’. I am of the school of thought that pregnancy is not an achievement but I would not put any woman down who wants to celebrate it as such. I wasn’t always like this but I learned to evolve my ideologies. The same thing happened when it was discovered that Serena Williams was pregnant when she played – and won – her 23rd grand slam in Australia. Most people were excited and genuinely proud of what Serena had done. It spoke of a strength that was admirable. Well…the excitement was good until trolls reared their ugly heads. One in particular got me so pissed with her tweet. See how much engagement she got for that? It made me wonder; didn’t she get the memo that she could extol the qualities of one woman without putting down another? And dear ladies, by show of hands, how many of you would choose to pound yam at your third trimester? Or walk long distances? Or break firewood? Or do any hard work for that matter? But according to Miss Lady above, Serena’s experience didn’t matter because it wasn’t as hard as someone else’s. Well, it may not be as hard as some other women in the world but all their experiences are valid! Missy above could have done better by mentioning some of the underlying factors that force women to do these hard chores whilst pregnant but no…that wouldn’t have brought in the likes and retweets. If we were to use the logic of the trolls in Beyoncé and Serena’s cases, and in cases of all women whose ‘achievements’ are brought down, I think it is safe to say we shouldn’t celebrate anything! Anything at all! This is because, no matter what you do, say or achieve, there will always be someone who has gone through worse to achieve the same. But many of us cannot help but be crabs and it is that mentality that is keeping us women from achieving so much more than we are now. Not talking about our role and contribution to misogyny fuels it even more. We must call out women who contribute to the culture of putting other women down. It makes no sense to keep quiet just because we don’t want some man somewhere saying, ‘I told you so’. Well, I was told! I heard you loud and clear! And…I have seen it firsthand too! Trust me, it sucks! But patriarchy and misogyny sucks too! Imagine a world where
