Smoke Screens and Fire
Have you ever had a false rumor spread about you? I have. Twice even that really hurt me. And it wasn’t good. The very first time was when I was in Junior Secondary School (JSS) 3. One of my friends came to me and said we needed to talk. I was surprised at his demeanor; something was obviouslywrong. My head went everywhere. Did something happen to him? Was he in trouble? And then I imagined…did he want to ask me out? I knew that would ruin our friendship so I hoped it was not the case. So after school, we went into an empty class and sat to talk. ‘Ramat, I am disappointed at you.’ he started. I was shocked. This was ABOUT ME? I HAD DONE SOMETHING? I laughed; skittish. He didn’t respond with his usual laughter. For someone who was so fun-filled and bubbly, his entire presence was such a picture of disappointment, that I was scared. What had I done? I asked, trying my best to keep my hands from shaking and my heart from exploding in my chest. ‘How could you? Like what were you thinking?!’ At this point, I was getting angry. I was in suspense already and I felt that he was being melodramatic. I said as much. He decided to cut to the chase. ‘If you wanted to have sex, you could have had sex with ONE GUY. What the hell was wrong with you that you slept with SEVEN guys? Like I am so disappointed with you.’ I swear, my mouth was hanging so wide, you could have seen my trachea. And no, this isn’t an exaggeration. When I got myself together, I ask what informed that thought. He said boys talk and the boys I had been with the week before had talked. Again, I asked for more information. ‘Were you at B’s bunk last week?’ to which I nodded in the affirmative. ‘Was there alcohol there?’ Again, I nodded, yes. ‘What happened after you all got drunk?’ First of all, I have NEVER drunk alcohol in my life. That statement still rings true till today; more than fourteen years after the allegation was made. I looked at him…and knew I had to describe everything that happened; in detail. So I did. A couple of us had snuck out of school. Three girls (including me) and four guys. They weren’t my regular crew but they knew I loved to have fun so they pitched a fence-jumping misdemeanor. Yes, I was that girl! Anyways, we went B’s bunk; a bunk being what we called a house owned by a student that was supposed to be in the school hostel. When we got there, it was a party! I was excited, more about the thrill of being away from school than the people I was with. Again, they weren’t my crew. Almost as soon as I thought of it, two of my ‘friends’ walked in and I felt like, ‘now that is what I am talking about’! We all laughed and talked about absolute nothing. Typical teenagers. Nothing untoward…until the last guy – whom I would say was my only true friend in that room – came in with a bottle of vodka or gin. I couldn’t tell. What I could tell was everyone was uber excited. So typically, I was too. I was finally going to drink some alcohol! As the bottle was passed around, I eagerly awaited my turn. I must confess, I was scared. What would I do if I got drunk? Would I be able to get home? Would my father kill me? And even worse, would my mother?! As these thoughts passed through my head, the bottle finally got to me. Soon as I stretched my hand to collect it, my friend – I will call him M – snatched the bottle. I went, ‘Hey! It is my turn.’ I tried to reach for it but he kept me at arm’s length. We struggled a bit and he dragged me outside. ‘Ramat, I no think say you get head for alcohol. Even if you get, I no go let you drink. The rest of us no get head for book. You get. We fit use drink spoil our head. If you do am, you fit no get sense again for book. So I no go let you drink.’ I was livid. I threw some choice words and we got into it a bit. In spite of my insistence, he refused to let me take a swig from the bottle. By this point, the rest of the gang were bored with our argument and one of the guys did them a favor by collecting the bottle and returning to the party. Mad at what I perceived was an epic embarrassment, I turned and left, swearing not to speak to any of them anymore. Fast forward to my conversation with my friend. Until that moment, I didn’t know the party went south; or was said to have gone south. So you could imagine my indignation; righteous that it was. Till today, I don’t even know if the group actually had an orgy or if it was a couple of boisterous boys who spread the rumor. What I do know is that most of them transferred schools for their Senior Secondary education and there was no one to ask who set fire to the rain. Despite everything I said, I don’t know if my friend believed my version of the story or not. He acted weird for a few days and I acted ashamed for more. I couldn’t bear to think that EVERYONE saw me as that girl who slept with SEVEN guys! Was there probable cause for the rumor? Yes. I had snuck out of school; I was at the apartment; there was alcohol and underage drinking; and supposedly, a lot of underage orgy. Why in God’s good earth should anyone believe that I wasn’t a part of it
Increasing Number of Agberos in Our Communities
‘Nyanya here! Nyanya one person!’ ‘Ikeja along, Mangoro, Iyana Ipaja, Igando! Ikeja along, Mangoro, Iyana Ipaja, Igando wole wole!’ ‘Yola, Yola, Yola! Shiga da changey! Yola, Yola, Yola!’ ‘Sabo! Sabo! Sister come enter this bus. E done full!’ ‘One chance to Enugu! Come enter direct moto go Enugu!’ These are some of the calls you hear when you are at motor parks in many cities in Nigeria. For the most part, these calls are not made by bus conductors as they are popularly referred to. They are made by young men – agberos if you may – hanging around such parks. So…here is the scenario. Young men find popular motor parks – whether official or otherwise – and loiter around calling out destinations to would-be passengers. When they fill up a car, the driver tips them with some money, ranging from ₦20 to ₦100; depending on the location and how much is charged per passenger. These men repeat the cycle as they make their daily keep. In any given location, you usually find two, maybe three men acting as mouthpieces of the drivers. They chase after commuters and generally serve to ensure each car fills up in quick time. Every minute wasted is a minute where they don’t make money. The longer they spend filling up a car, the more likely they lose out on other cars trying to get passengers. And no one wants to miss that ever crucial ₦20 or ₦50. Over the last few years however, I have noticed that the number of men at any given park have more than tripled. And beyond that, the number of spots where you can find these men has increased. In the past, these men could only be found at major transportation parks or bus-stops but now, you can find them at small junctions. What is with the increasing number of agberos in our communities? This can be partly blamed on the rate of unemployment in Nigeria, which is pegged at 14.2%; a figure quoted in the most recent National Bureau of Statistics (NBS) report. The negative economic growth and recession which Nigeria is just coming out of took its toll on many citizens and can be said to have played a role in increasing the number of these unemployed men. But that isn’t the only problem. Many of these men are uneducated and are not qualified for anything more than unskilled labor. So what happens when there are no jobs for even the unskilled and uneducated? The number of agberosincrease. They seem to be crawling all over themselves in an attempt to get more money; which is expected really. And funny enough, there are times when the drivers do not want their services. They specifically tell them not to call anyone. Do they listen? No! They literally just do what they want and stand around waiting to be ‘paid’. Sometimes, the drivers feel bad and give them a little tip. Other times, the drivers refuse to enable their truancy. When this happens, the agberos usually go into a tirade and sometimes bang the cars. In many of these instances, a physical altercation is almost always the end result. But drivers try to avoid that because they know that it would be a case of mob violence. So they pay. What makes this worrisome is that it isn’t only young men that do this. At the Jikwoyi Phase 2 Junction in Abuja, there is an old agbero who calls out destinations for Keke (tricycle) riders. They call him ‘Police’. This man must be in his sixties or seventies. It is either that or he has suffered a lot and life has aged him beyond his years. He looks haggard as he shouts out destinations, urging passengers to get into the Keke with their change. When he is done, the Kekedriver usually gives him ₦10 or ₦20; depending on how generous they are feeling. It breaks my heart to see that old man at the junction every day and night. Well…it did until I walked past him one evening and his smell hit me; he was reeking of cheap alcohol! From my deduction, the old man spent whatever he made drowning himself in alcohol. This was a man that had given up on life. Like the old man at Jikwoyi, many of these agberos are drug abusers. A simple walk past them can prove that and if that is too much, just watching them ‘work’ is all the proof you will need. They are so excitable, easily offended and quicker even to throw blows. It is no wonder that many of these parks are rings of constant turf wars between the young men and sometimes, with older men. These people need to survive and survival means being tougher, more high-strung, more willing to protect your little turf and being quicker than the next guy. I think these men should be banned by law so they do not take over every little street and corner where people may or may not seek public transportation. But that is not realistic. We need viable solutions that solve the problem in the long run so that we don’t have to return to it in the near future. What should these solutions look like? I think they should be tied to the economic recovery plan of Nigeria’s administration. The government is looking at diversifying Nigeria’s economy beyond an oil-based revenue generation to agriculture. With the wide variety of food and cash crops that can grow in Nigeria, the opportunities in the agricultural sector cannot be depleted. From farming, to processing and distribution, there are millions of job that can be created from effectively drawing up and funding an agricultural road map to success. How do these agberos fit in? Quite simple. The leaders of each local government area and state should recruit these men and train them on the basics of agriculture. The training should serve to separate these men into the categories that they
The Review: Think Like a Man
When you put the eccentricity of Kevin Hart, the sexiness of Meagan Good, Michael Ealy and Romany Malco, feistiness of Taraji P. Henson and Jennifer Lewis, relatability of Gabrielle Union, Regina Hall and Lala Anthony, a list of basketballers, a happy white guy and the goofiness of Chris Brown, what do you have? Think Like A Man! ‘Think like a Man’ is a film by Tim Story that broke the bank at the box office. It was well received even though most critics rated it ‘average’. Was the film average though? We discuss in THE REVIEW!Listen here
The Review: Goodbye (Slaughterhouse)
One of the greatest things you can expect from underground rap artists is the content of the song. They always have a message that is deep, strong and powerful. This is why we were so excited when Yusuf ‘Y10’ Ma’aji from Abuja, Nigeria, requested that we review Slaughterhouse’s ‘Goodbye’. Listen to THE REVIEW of the GOODBYE here. PS: Use the comment section to suggest songs we should review.
Don’t Be a Menace
Rated 29% by rotten tomatoes, you will expect the movie, Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Sipping Juice in the Hood, to be a bumbling flop. But alas, that was not the case. It had its moments and for those who love slapstick comedy, it was a blast. So what was it about the movie that got movies goers to pay a gross sum of $39.2 million to see? We look discuss this on THE REVIEW today. Listen here.
The Review: Crooked Smile (J. Cole)
The Second Single off J. Cole’s second album – Born Sinner – was Crooked Smile. As a song, ‘Crooked Smile’ had an impact message, which stays true to the hip hop artist’s persona. We review the song and share our favorite lyrics off the song, what we think could have been done better and invite you to share your views of the song. Listen to THE REVIEW below.
The Review: Pretty Hurts – Beyonce
Hello you! As promised, here is the first episode of our new show – SHADES OF US: THE REVIEW. We are huge fans of Beyonce and we knew we just had to start this show with her song. On this episode, we discuss PRETTY HURTS. Listen to THE REVIEW here. If you cannot see the audio controls, your browser does not support the audio element
Announcing…Shades of Us: The Review
Credit: Giphy Shades of Us is designed to address social issues affecting Africa, Africans and people of African descent, and because of that, we had a struggle defining how we wanted our platform to work. This is because we love entertainment here at Shades of Us; music, movies, poetry, dance, radio, television, production and all things entertainment. So we did any and everything and we were at sea for minute. This is especially because we didn’t know how to marry the serious stuff and entertainment. But…we solved the problem! Nothing says Shades of Us CANNOT be both; serious and light hearted. So, starting from today (August 1, 2017), our articles, stories and video logs would address the serious stuff and our podcast will provide you entertainment. Exciting yeah? Having said that, we would love to announce our new show on the blog called SHADES OF US: THE REVIEW! THE REVIEW is an entertainment show where we discuss songs or movies by black artists (African, American, European, and other artists of African descent). THE REVIEWwill focus on how aspects of each song or movie reflects issues in society and what can be learned generally from the song or movie. We will have facts about each song or movie, favorite and least favorite parts of the art and an avenue for you to request that we review a song. THE REVIEW will come up every Tuesday and Thursday at 1pm on our social media platforms (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram and Google+). Are you excited? Because we are dancing like fools! Welcome to SHADES OF US: THE REVIEW. Listen to the first episode here. If you cannot see the audio controls, your browser does not support the audio element
Do Sex Workers ‘Deserve’ to Be Abused?
Image: Indonesia Expat Disclaimer: This post has lurid details of sex. I was scrolling through my timeline on Facebook when I stumbled on a post which, under other circumstances, would have thrown me off. The thumbnail was a naked black girl on all fours with what I could deduce was sperm on her face. Normally, I wouldn’t watch such videos and would report it to Facebook to be taken down for being a sexually explicit content but the caption stayed my scrolling fingers. ‘Ghanaian girls are suffering abroad.’ Lot of thoughts ran through my head; was this a rape video? Did it talk about human trafficking? Was this a human rights issue that we should be talking about? And so I knew I had to see the video. So I clicked. The video was roughly five minutes long and it was the most chilling thing I had seen in a while. From what was said in the video, I can summarize it thus; The girl saw an ad asking for adult film (porn) actors who could deep throat. She went to the film makers and they agreed to shoot. The scene required that she has sex with two white men. The video started with the girl choking on the penis she was trying not to suck anymore. It was obvious watching it that she was in grave pains. This was expressed in the tears running down her face and the sheer look of sadness in her eyes. This was the point where the person with the camera started talking. ‘You said you could deep throat. Did you think you could just waltz in here and collect our money when you couldn’t do what we asked? You have just wasted our time you fucking bitch.’ It wasn’t what he was saying that got me angry. It was the condescendingly calm tone with which he was talking that nearly broke me. You could tell that the man didn’t think he was talking to another human being on equal footing. It is the same tone you would expect a member of the Ku Klux Klan to take when addressing a black person. I knew at that moment that the girl’s underperformance was not the issue. These were full blown racist men who wanted to demean and dehumanize a black woman. As if to punctuate that thought, the men started slapping the girl. It didn’t end there. They spat on her face and other parts of her body. They were doing all these while still penetrating her from behind and trying to get her to suck their penises. When the girl tried to hide her face in the pillows – something I think was a mix of shame and pain – the man behind the camera asked that she look into the camera. In a classic good-cop-bad-cop move, one of the other men slapped her face and the third guy slapped her buttocks. She looked at the camera, crying, and the camera man zoomed in on her face just as a large plop of saliva landed on it. She flinched but maintained her gaze on the camera. The man behind the camera continued to talk, asking her why she thought she could just come in and take their money. When she didn’t respond, one of the other men slapped her again to prod her into speaking. She spoke, through her tears, in what was the only words to come out of her mouth. ‘I don’t know.’ At this point, it finally dawned on the men that she couldn’t suck their penises anymore. So they decided to, for lack of a better word, ram her as roughly as they could. Bad cop 1 told her to touch her toes and started pounding her as hard and as roughly as he could. My spirit broke when I saw her move an inch away each time the full length of his penis entered her vagina. He taunted her, asking ‘where are you going you cunt?’ When he was done, the other guy – who was now wearing her wig – took over. He tried to get her into a position that had her buttocks jutting out at him but she kept falling; from what I would think was exhaustion. Angry, bad cop 2 removed her wig from his head and tried to force her to wear it while simultaneously slapping and pushing her. And the video came to end. I was so ashamed at what I had seen. Not ashamed because it was sex but because I just witnessed the dehumanization of another woman – a black woman – by men who thought it was okay to do so because they were offering her money. I was ashamed at the conditions that made a woman believe that this was the only way out. I was ashamed at being unable to do anything to improve the straits of the woman whose shame I had just witnessed. I went into the comment section, hoping there were many people who were as outraged by the video as I was and were willing to do something about it. I was shocked by most of the response I saw. While many agreed that it was barbaric to have kept on ‘sleeping with her’ when she was in pain, many pointed out that it was hard to feel pity for her because she chose to do the ‘job’. Others even said she deserved it because of her ‘lack of morality’. Some people asked why she continued to shoot when she couldn’t take the pain and that was the point that caught me. Why did she continue to stay? Why didn’t she end the shoot?! Whatever answer you choose to look at, one thing is clear; she obviously needed the money. And that there is the problem. I agree that she chose to do the work, but staying when she was being abused, demeaned and forcefully penetrated showed that her need for the money far outweighed the pain she
Basic Chick
Have you ever been hated or discriminated against? I have! Remimah: Ermmm…this isn’t about Eminem, is it? Ramat: No. It isn’t. Remimah: Right. Ramat: Eminem just comes to mind as I write this piece. So let’s get to it, right? Ladies, have you ever been called a ‘Basic Chick’? You all know ‘chick’ isn’t the term, right? It is more like a B with an itch. If you have never been called that, you are probably wondering what this is about. Or you are one of those who call women that and in that case, thunder fire you this post is about you. I was called a ‘basic chick’ and I had to ask around to find out what it meant. Since Urban Dictionary is big on giving new words and phrases undo relevance, I went there to check. And was shocked! There are just too many definitions for the term! Like you can be called a ‘basic bitch’ for literally anything. I couldn’t find a definition that suited the situation so I chose one that was close; Basic Bitch; Somebody who is boring and unoriginal. I believe this description fits because it followed the statements, ‘Ramat, you need to do your hair more often, wear trendy clothes! Shave your eyebrows for crying out loud! And would you die if you wear proper make up? How can you not care about how you look? Your look is boring abeg. Don’t be a basic bitch!’ Hey! It is not like I deliberately remembered all the words. The thing just peppered me small. I will be the first to admit that I have no sense of ‘style’; which is basically saying my style isn’t mainstream or trendy. I wear what is on top my clothes pile and just go. Many people have said I dress like I am from the 70s – the 70s! – and though it hurts, I don’t know how to be different. I wear what I’m most comfortable in and if I am being honest, I am uber self-conscious about drawing attention to myself. You will most likely find me in clothes that are sizes too big and in muted tones. Being called a ‘basic chick’ stung a bit. Okay…a lot. The thought of being boring because I don’t ‘dress to impress’ made me feel some type of way. I want the first impression people have of me to be about my mind but I know that is idealistic. People will judge me based on what I wear, how I look, and the way I smell before they even hear me talk. And for many, an opinion will be formed on whether I fit into their sphere or not. What is it they say about first impressions again? I know this is especially true for people working in some sectors of the economy; sectors like entertainment, media, banking, hospitality etc. Many guys and girls have had to resort to switching up their looks to fit in. When they refuse to, they deal with criticism from family, friends and ‘fans’. Be strong Simi…even this will pass. The need to be considered ‘cool’, ‘fresh’, a ‘trendsetter’, or as my cousin would say, a ‘clean’ guy or girl is something that is deeply rooted in most of us. Some of us make the effort. Others, not so much. This means that there is always someone who thinks they are better than you since they are better dressed. That is why people write you off if you are not clad in designer clothes and accessories, wearing a ton of makeup, or carrying the most expensive tresses that money can buy. So what do you do when you constantly have to deal with the pressure to fit in? Especially when you see that people who fit in seem to be making more head way that you? Especially when you are in an industry where your dress, style, look and smell can get you further than your capabilities can? I want to say, ‘Be you!’, ‘Be original’, ‘You are unique’ and all those silly nothingness we get fed by people who only share their success stories. But! Does that really do anything for you? Does that make you secure when you think of that gig you didn’t get because you didn’t have the ‘look’? But then again, if you begin to make those changes – lighten your skin, wear those long tresses, the designer clothes, makeup and perfume – would it ever stop? Is there ever a point where enough would be enough? Fashion trends are constantly changing. New ideas are rapidly been picked up and others tossed out. What is in today may be meh tomorrow. So keeping up can be a full time job. I think that people have to find what works for them and let others be. You want to be trendy? That is okay. You want to be simple and maybe ‘drab’? Then do you! There will always be people who want what you are offering, no matter how you package it. And if you insist on putting people down because they do not fit into your ideals, I want to tell you something. ‘Thunder fire you!’ Images: LoveBrownSugar Expresslolah
