Dear Future Family: Letter to My Son

Image: Jet Magazine Dear future son, Oh how I love you! From the moment I saw you, I was overwhelmed with such glorious love and happiness. I could tell you would look exactly like your father and the thought of having a mini version of the man I love is pure joy. As you grow into that bumble of joy and excitement that I can barely contain, I want to share some ground rules with you. You need to know that you are born into a world that gives you some advantages. When James Brown said ‘It is a man’s world’, he wasn’t just trying to sell records. He was speaking about a very real situation in the world today. While society has given you certain privileges, I will have you know that I require a different set of standards for you. And as your father will tell you, you better not mess with me. Relax baby; I promise to be nice. For many millennia, men have been told they are the superior gender because they are men. They have been taught that women are less than men on all fronts. You will be told that women are supposed to cower before you or defer to you or obey you. You will hear this from school, the community, religious centers, workplaces and even the internet. Where you will neverhear that is at home. This is because all that load of bull poop is just that; a load of shit! Men are not better than women or superior to women. Men and women are created equal with different physical features like two sides of a coin. That is why the difference ends. You will learn this from science. You will learn that the brains of men and women are not that much different and as such, there is no basis for saying that women are less than men. You will learn to respect everyone – be they male or female – and you will learn to treat them as the human beings they are. We will not permit you to be discriminatory to anyone. You will learn to respect people regardless of their faith, belief, ideologies, gender, class, abilities, sexual preferences or orientation and race. Every person is a full human with their own agencies and you will treat them right. I am not saying you should agree with everything they do; not even close. I am saying that you should respect their humanity always in spite of these differences. Every human being has rights and dignity and when you know this, you will never knowingly hurt anyone. We will support you wholly to become anyone you want to be as long as you are not hurting any human being. You have to learn to live for more than just yourself though. Your life needs to be shaped after solving a problem for humanity. There are so many problems in the world today and you stand a better chance of leaving a legacy when solving problems is your mantra than if you live for yourself. And the best principle is creating a need and solving it. You can be better than Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Albert Einstein, Martin Luther King Jr. and even a combination of all of them and more. Whatever you become is all up to you. I want you to be the best version of you and your dad and I will ensure you have the best support system you can possibly have. Be assured however that I will not condone a life formulated after Hitler’s, Stalin’s, Trump’s, Idi Amin’s or Femi Fani Kayode’s. From age 7, I will expect you to start doing chores. We will start with simple things like washing your underwear, cleaning your room, doing the dishes, sweeping certain portions and cleaning surfaces. As you get older, your chores will increase. Also from age 7, I will expect you to be in the kitchen anytime dad and I are cooking. By 13, you would be expected to cook part of the family meals and by 15, you will be placed on the family cooking schedule. This will teach you to be responsible for yourself and others at all times. You don’t need a woman to take care of you. You are a fully functional human being and should be able to function as such. I want you to learn work ethics and discipline. If you work for someone, don’t ever short-change them. Go to work on time, stay in the office for as long as your contract says, and give your best every minute of the time you are in the office. Don’t use your position to abuse the trust your employer or clients place in you. And if you choose to work for yourself, be diligent in your duty to your dream. Wake up every day eager to do more for your goals and stay awake many nights to ensure your vision and dreams translate to tangible reality. You owe yourself that. You do not need to stick to the status quo of society. Be innovative, creative, exploratory, curious, eager and desirous of new things. The environment can be a huge motivation if you look inside out! As you get older, I will teach you about your sexuality and what sex means and doesn’t. You will hear so much about sex and society will tell you that you can get away with so much. Society doesn’t expect you to be chaste; in fact, she will actively encourage you to be anything but. The same standards are not held for women as I am sure you will learn. But this is what I will teach you; if you call an unmarried woman who is sexually active a ‘whore’, then be sure that I will address you the same way if you are sexually active. This means that you must learn to hold everyone to the same standards you hold yourself. And still talking sex, I will never forgive you if

Dear Future Family: Letter to Myself

PICTURE CULLED FROM: NATIONTRENDZ Dear 21st Century Strong Black Woman, Unfortunately, nobody has a song for you because they think you are a phase. But we will have to make do with Run the World by Beyonce. They have been trying to shut you out for so long it is a wonder you are still standing strong. Some even think you are ‘demonic’ for holding your own. Well girl, bask in their hate! Women like you who have refused to cower to the system have gone on to shine further and farther than anyone can ever imagine; women like Beyoncé, Oprah, Chimamanda Adichie, Ava Duvernay, Shonda Rhimes, Maya Angelou, Warsan Shire, Mo Abudu, Kemi Adetiba, Juliet K’ego and so many more that cannot be mentioned. So girl, shine! Write your own stories and force the earth to listen to your brilliance! That being said, we need to talk. First off, we know that you are whole, complete and full. Sometimes you wonder if you will ever find someone who sees the world like you do. You need to know that there are millions of men who not only see the world like you do but who are also searching for you. You have to be more accessible. Sometimes, let it all go down in the DM. Don’t be sending those nudes (tsk Yo Gotti) because there are some really crazy dudes out there who are all about revenge porn. But…be more open. Be more willing to interact with people. On a serious note though. You are complete. No arguing that. No man will complete you. That is given. But you have to allow that good man complement you. We are using the word ‘allow’. You know how you always want things to go your way, well…cut it out! Allow that man sweep you off your feet, allow him treat you like you are fragile even if the world knows you aren’t. We all know you are able to open the car door yourself, pull out your own seat in the restaurant and split the bill but if he insists on doing all these, let him girl! Good thing is, you can always do the same and ask him to get dressed, pick him up, open the car door for him, pull out his seat and pay the bills; just like Usher said in Trading Places. You can then laugh together while cuddling as you compare notes about who is better at the art of romance. He is not expecting you to take his name. How about you surprise him and do? I can see you balking and girl, you better listen! We ain’t here to play! You are no less a feminist if you take your husband’s name. Work hard on getting your name out there, work harder on being memorable and people will not be so bothered about your last name. Leave that for the government documents. I see you are still balking. Girl, when you hear Oprah and Beyoncé, doesn’t it take you a minute to remember what their surnames are? So our point is that you work hard at leaving a legacy and people will care only about your first name. But since you want to change the world with your man, a single name that rings true for your family makes you more awesome. You guys can choose a new name you want to go by if you are not comfortable with his family name. Think of the Durotoyes, the Gates, and the Carters (*wink). The name thing is a two way street. If that man fits into your expectations, you know you don’t need to worry about trivial things like names. Okay? Your mind is beautiful. We know that. We also know you are stubborn. Very! So though you have your own thoughts, you must listen to others once in a while. No one is a repository of knowledge and if you want to be relevant for long, you constantly have to open your mind to the wisdom of others. What better person to listen to than the man you love?! Everyone knows you will not pick someone who is mediocre so open yourself to him. Let him make decisions that you know are important and support him wholly. Baby girl, there are times you should just shut up and be led! Isn’t leading such a stressful path sometimes? And…remember what leadership is about? Following and service! Don’t be Sheldon Cooper or that always-angry woman in those Tyler Perry movies. You do not become less than you are by listening to your man. And about cooking, girl…you know you love to cook! Why are you acting up? We know that it can be tiring but you and he can work out a schedule. Now, don’t go bossing about getting that schedule followed to the tee. When he has a long day in the office, surprise him with a warm bath and piping hot food. Don’t hammer on it being his turn and let that man suffer. You know you would hate it if that is done to you. So, do to him what you would want done to you. Isn’t that the entire essence of the second most important commandment? Meet him at the door with a kiss, don’t nag, resolve fights quickly and when he is having that bath, rub out the kinks in his back and thighs so he can rest well for the hours of lovemaking communion you should have before bed. You know he will do the same for you if you had the long day. So don’t be selling fish. Treat him like a king as he should treat you like a queen. Honor him. Make him feel so good at home that he isn’t happy until he gets back. When at work, you can be the Sasha-fierce-go-getter that you are but when you come home, be a cuddly bear! And yes, we know you hate to cuddle! You will learn, girl, and you will learn fast! Also, learn to leave the office drama in

Dear Future Family: Letter to My Husband

Man Proposing with a diamond ringCulled from: SALON Dear future husband, Here are a few things you need to know if you want to be my one and only all my life. Hey Meghan Trainor, get out of my head! First off, I am a whole, complete and full human being. You do not ‘complete’ me, or make me ‘whole’. I am not half a human being who needs to be completed. I hope you also know that you are a whole, complete and full human being too. I am not in your life to complete you either. I was created for a purpose for which I have taken time to search and understand. Guess what? That purpose is not marriage! Marriage to you will be a PART of my life and not the entire essence of it. This means that whether I marry you or remain single, my life will still be fulfilled as long as I live my purpose. So if I decide to marry you, it will not be because marriage will make my life more fulfilling or meaningful. No. And if you haven’t found the ‘why’ of your life, you better keep that ring to yourself. Be rest assured that I will not marry someone whom I have to help find his way. Find the reason for your existence and THEN talk to me. Society doesn’t think my identity matters. They either want me to bare my father’s name or bare your name. It is like the concept of my identity threatens the faux power society wields. Well, I have decided to give my middle finger to society. Taking your name is not compulsory. I love my name! I love my identity! So forgive me darling for wanting to hold on to my name. I mean, it doesn’t change the fact that I am your wife whether I take your name or not. Chimamanda Adichie isn’t less married because she didn’t take her husband’s name. Same with Beyoncé. I hope you can understand why I want to do this. The best qualities I bring to you are NOT my virginity, ability to cook nor how long I can pray. The best quality I am bringing to the table is the quality of my mind. I am not an ornament. I have a fully functional brain with my own thoughts, views, ideas and ideologies. I say what I think, whenever I feel. While I admire the quality of your mind, I will not shelve my ideas or views for yours. Your ideas are not better than mine because you are a man. They should be better on merit. And when they are better, I will admit it and respect yours but I will not accept the premise that the quality of an idea is based on which side of the gender divide one falls in. You are the head of our home but that doesn’t mean you are the master cum slave driver. We have one Master whom we both must defer to and HE is neither of us. So let me put this out there; I will not do ALL the house chores! That house is OUR home so we either work together to keep it or we don’t even bother walking down that road. If you want a wife to take care of all the home chores, that woman is not me. I will have no option but to bid you farewell and send out my best wishes to you. Let’s talk about sex baby. (Salt-N-Pepa, it is 2016. A new track won’t hurt!) Sex is a beautiful expression of a lot of things and could mean anything at any given time. I KNOW about sex; a lot! Knowing about sex doesn’t make me a ‘whore’ as popular belief says. Hey society, how come when a woman knows about sex she is a whore but when a man does he isn’t? We will break you society! Mark our words! I am not going to act naïve to feed your ego. I will actively partake in the pleasure giving and taking that is sex. There will be role playing games and oh-so-crazy adventurous things we will do in the bedroom (and on the couch, on the table, on the bar, on the floor. You can meet me in the bathr…wait Young Jeezy! Let me finish this!). If this doesn’t go well with your ego, you can go to moon and rest. You will not be missed; at least, not by me. My love, you know I like me some adventure. There are time I would want us to eat out, stay in a hotel, travel around the globe, try new things and basically be as much fun as possible. Even when we get older and can’t be jumping up and down, I still want us to find small pleasures that make memories worth keeping. I can honestly take care of myself. I believe in working hard for everything I need and then working some more for the things I want. I won’t marry you for financial security. My brain is capable of making me as wealthy as I want to be and all that independent of you. Don’t think you are doing me a favor by telling me about the money you are making. You may be Jay but you better believe that I am Bey. You can expect that I will bring in my own slice of the bacon which should be a naira for naira match of what you are bringing in. While I expect us to gift each other things over the course of our lives, don’t worry about my clothes, underwear, skin products, hair and makeup. I’ve got this. I also want you to know that I will buy houses, cars, bonds, businesses and other things I consider assets; and in my name too! Don’t fret. I expect you to do the same. When we have children, the onus of raising

Dear Future Family: Letter to My Husband 2

Man Proposing with a diamond ringCulled from: SALON Dear future husband, Here are a few things you need to know if you want to be my one and only all my life. Hey Meghan Trainor, get out of my head! First off, I am a whole, complete and full human being. You do not ‘complete’ me, or make me ‘whole’. I am not half a human being who needs to be completed. I hope you also know that you are a whole, complete and a full human being too. I am not in your life to complete you either. I was created for a purpose for which I have taken time to search and understand. Guess what? That purpose is not marriage! Marriage to you will be a part of my life and not the entire essence of it. This means that whether I marry you or remain single, my life will still be fulfilled as long as I live my purpose. So if I decide to marry you, it will not be because marriage will make my life more fulfilling or meaningful. No. And if you haven’t found the ‘why’ of your life, you better keep that ring to yourself. Be assured that I will not marry someone whom I have to help find his way. Find the reason for your existence and then talk to me. Society doesn’t think my identity matters. They either want me to bare my father’s name or yours. It is like the concept of my identity threatens the faux power society wields. Well, I have decided to give my middle finger to society. Taking your name is not compulsory. I love my name! I love my identity! So forgive me darling for wanting to hold on to my name. I mean, it doesn’t change the fact that I am your wife whether I take your name or not. Chimamanda Adichie isn’t less married because she didn’t take her husband’s name. Same with Beyoncé. I hope you understand. The best qualities I bring to you are not my virginity, ability to cook or how long I can pray. The best quality I am bringing to the table is the quality of my mind. I am not an ornament. I have a fully functional brain with my own thoughts, views, ideas and ideologies. I say what I think, whenever I feel. While I admire the quality of your mind, I will not shelve my ideas or views for yours. Your ideas are not better than mine because you are a man. They should be better on merit. And when they are better, I will admit it and respect yours but I will not accept the premise that the quality of an idea is based on which side of the gender divide one falls in. I do not believe you are the head of our home. We are partners in a relationship that is equality. Having said that, I understand that equality is also about sacrifice and compromise and I am willing to be reasonable for the greater good of our partnership. There are days when you should lead and there are days when I should. We need to play to our strengths and capabilities. So let me put this out there; I will not do all the house chores! That house is our home; so we either work together to keep it or we don’t even bother walking down that road. If you want a wife to take care of all the home chores, that woman is not me. I will have no option but to bid you farewell and send out my best wishes to you. Let’s talk about sex baby. (Salt-N-Pepa, it is 2016. A new track won’t hurt!) Sex is a beautiful expression of a lot of things and could mean anything at any given time. I know about sex; a lot! Knowing about sex doesn’t make me a ‘whore’ as popular belief says. Hey society, how come when a woman knows about sex she is a whore but when a man does, he isn’t? We will break you, society! Mark our words! I am not going to act naïve to feed your ego. I will actively partake in the pleasure giving and taking that is sex. There will be role playing games and oh-so-crazy adventurous things we will do in the bedroom (and on the couch, on the table, on the bar, on the floor. You can meet me in the bathr…wait Young Jeezy! Let me finish this!). If this doesn’t go well with your ego, you can go to moon and rest. You will not be missed; at least, not by me. My love, you know I like me some adventure. There are times I would want us to eat out, stay in a hotel, travel around the globe, try new things and basically be as much fun as possible. Even when we get older and can’t be jumping up and down, I still want us to find small pleasures that make memories worth keeping. I can honestly take care of myself. I believe in working hard for everything I need and then working some more for the things I want. I won’t marry you for financial security. My brain is capable of making me as wealthy as I want to be and all of that is independent of you. Don’t think you are doing me a favor by telling me about the money you are making. You may be Jay but you better believe that I am Bey. You can expect that I will bring in my own slice of the bacon which should be a Naira for Naira match of what you are bringing in. While I expect us to gift each other things over the course of our lives, don’t worry about my clothes, underwear, skin products, hair and makeup. I’ve got this. I also want you to know that I will buy houses, cars, bonds, businesses and other things I

What This Recession Means

President Muhammadu Buhari,Nigeria’s PresidentCredit: Nairametrics There is a recession in Nigeria. I am not even going to pretend that I understand all the dynamics of the current state of Nigeria nor am I going to explain what some of the economic terms I will be using are. In truth, many Nigerians do not care about or understand what all of those words mean. This piece will attempt to explain what this recession means for Nigerians in the middle and lower class demographics. I started walking on this road when this woman, let us call her Mama Success, came to my house. I have known Mama Success for close to ten years now. Mama Success barely has any formal education and is a petty trader. She is married to a mechanic and they have three children. Since I have known her, she has always been in the lower demographic, struggling daily to keep her family. She sells whatever is in season. When there is tomatoes, she sells that. If it is groundnut, that is what she sells. As at the time of this post, she was shuttling between hawking cooked corn and boiled groundnuts. I had not seen her in two, maybe three, years and when she came to my house, we spent time catching up. She had been in my place barely 30 minutes when she started complaining bitterly about the state of the economy. ‘Ramat, you know I eat corn only because it is cheap but now, even that corn is expensive oh!’ That was how she launched into her tirade. She told me that corn that she used to buy for ₦50/tier had gone up to ₦220/tier. She talked about Garri – Nigeria’s ‘food for the poor’ as many people call it – and the price increase was shocking. I listened to her moan about all manner of things and what really broke me was when she spoke of her first son. She obviously couldn’t send him to school on what she earned but somehow, a benefactor took up his education and sent him to one of the Unity Schools. Her joy was short lived when barely two years in, the government proposed an increase of about 300% on school fees, asking that parents pay ₦75,000 from what used to be ₦20,000. The benefactor announced that he could no longer pay Success’s fees and wished them well in their endeavors. Mama Success worries about her children’s education and she worries that they may end up like their father and her; illiterate, poor, unhappy. When she left my house, her complaints stayed with me. I kept thinking about her and her children and other families like them. So I decided to do some recce myself. I went to the market a couple of times to get a sense of the price of things. Here is a list of the price of a couple of things in the market. Vegetables are cheap but that may be because this is rainy reason. The list above is just so we can get a semblance of things. I used small measures and not wholesale measures so you can see how hard things are. People who have steady incomes and even basic salaries are feeling the brunt of this recession. Every additional ₦10 is something someone in the lower class feels deeply. But the thing is, it is not just people in the lower class complaining. Nigerians categorized as ‘middle class’ are unhappy too. They might not feel the bite as much as people in the lower class, but they are feeling it. This brings me to the next point; employment or the lack of it. Millions of Nigerians want to work but there are no viable jobs. Okay, let me be fair. There are jobs but in most cases, they are just not worth it. Companies across board no longer give full employment. Everyone one is toting the magical word: internship. This means that companies can’t afford to pay people commensurate salaries but since they still want their jobs done, they hire people for the barest minimum with promises of full employment after about six months. I have been to a couple of interviews where prospective employers want you to do a ₦200,000 job for nothing more than ₦50,000. And because there aren’t that many plush jobs readily available, people take these slavery internships and hope that things get better for them. I don’t even want to mention clothes and transportation because in the light of other things, they seem trivial. Anyone who has been buying fuel, paying for public transport or buying clothes knows that things are a bit more expensive than they were last year. The news is filled with companies downsizing and even salaries being slashed. This is coupled with the fact that some parastatals and state governments cannot even pay salaries. What does this all mean? This means that even with the hike in the price of things, fewer and fewer people have the purchasing power to get basic necessities. As a result, the markets aren’t as full as they used to be. I spent time talking to market men and women, okada riders and bus drivers, petty traders, hawkers, masons, tailors and small food vendors and the general feeling amongst them is ‘the country is hard.’ That Nigerians are suffering because of the policies of this government, or the lack thereof, is no longer news. What is however surprising is the government’s callous dismissal of the suffering of Nigerians. Garba Shehu, the Senior Special Assistant to President Muhammadu Buhari on Media and Publicity, said that the ‘recession in Nigeria is exaggerated’. Exaggerated? EXAGGERATED?! I want him to tell that to Mama Success as she reduces her daily meals from two to one. I want him to tell that to the okada rider who is worried about school fees for his children. I want him to tell that to the civil servant who is earning minimum wage and

Should We Consider Banning Telemundo?

Picture Credit: ESSENCE Hey! I am not discriminatory. This includes ZeeWorld too! But first, let me start at the beginning. I always say that those of us that are millennials had the best TV time. We had a variety of shows that were enlightening and in some aspects, deliberately weird. We had black people, white people, Asians, Latinos, and even really good Nigerian movies and TV series on TV. We also had super heroes, weirdos, anime, scathing comedy and Sci-fi movies. In essence, almost everyone from Generation Y had a plethora of good television from around the world. What is most impressive however is that we all had the same TV exposure! Most people who had TV and cable watched about the same things and for those who only had NTA, the wait for 4pm for broadcast to start is something we all remember with a bit of nostalgia. So if I mention 7 Lucky Kids, Burning Train, Snake in the Monkey Shadow, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Power Rangers or Things Fall Apart, most millennials would smile and have something to talk about. The game changed however when more cable companies came into play and more TV channels popped up. Nigeria alone has more than 10 cable TV providers, with DSTV, StarTimes and HiTV being the most popular. With these cable TV providers, there are all kinds of things on television for all kinds of audiences. The common thing between these cable TV providers is that they understand the basic genres and provide them across board. These genres includes news, sports, music, religion, film, local content and Telemundo! Yes, I just classed Telemundo as a genre! Telemundo is an American Spanish language terrestrial television network owned by Comsat. They provide films and TV series centered on the lives of Latin Americans with story lines following love, enmity, betrayal and eventual triumph. Telemundo is one channel but like most things in Nigeria, we have made one thing the generic name for things in the same category. It is like how we call all detergents ‘Omo’ and all toothpastes ‘Maclean’. So for this article, the term ‘Telemundo’ is used to refer to any film or TV series that is centered on the lives of Latin Americans. Telemundo probably has one of their biggest markets in Africa and a lot of that from Nigeria. The question that bugs me is how the fracking hell Telemundo became so popular?! It probably has a lot to do with the Africa Independent Television. AIT was the first to introduce Telemundo into the Nigerian scene. Who remembers when Cuando seas mia was on air? Translated to English, ‘When You are Mine’ was a big hit across the country and almost every Nigerian followed the lives of Diego and Paloma as they tried to find love in spite of the difference in their social status. I will admit that I watched every episode but the grand finale and it broke me that I missed that. What came on next was Second Chance (or El Cuerpo del desio) and by that time, I was bored with telenovelas. Soon came StarTimes (for average Nigerians) and DSTV (for ‘rich-er’ Nigerians). Men flocked to the Super Sports channels and somehow, of all the channels to choose from, women chose Telemundo. In time, it became a fad. Women who spent more time at home seemed to fill their hours with telenovelas. After a while, ZeeWorld became the very attractive sister of Telemundo. ZeeWorld is a channel that follows the same themes but with emphasis on Indian people. Because some of India’s culture is similar to the Hausa/Fulani culture in Nigeria, ZeeWorld caught on quickly. So we had ZeeWorld controlling women in the North and Telemundo controlling women in the South. This was in addition to the variations of Africa Magic that each geopolitical region is attuned to. In time, the barrier broke. Almost every woman watches either ZeeWorld or Telemundo. It doesn’t even matter what the status, tribe or religion these women are. What then is the problem with Telemundo and ZeeWorld? Looking at it plainly…nothing much. It is good entertainment (I have heard) and can be packed with some life lessons. I am however worried about the addiction many women have to these channels. Stories have been told of women burning food, leaving their houses dirty, refusing to go out for days and even running through the rain to catch an episode. Most of these stories come from men so I tend to take it with a pinch of salt. I believe most men want to be the center of attention of their wives’ lives and seeing her so deeply immersed in something that isn’t them may not be good for their ego. I will go further to say that men don’t think anything is wrong with their own addiction to football and they expect women to deal with it. Double standards, right? Anyway, I am worried about the addiction to Telemundo and ZeeWorld because it seems to be a result of some other underlying factors. For centuries, black women have been told that they have nothing that can be defined as a beauty ideal. From skin tone to hair texture, we have been told we aren’t good enough. So here we are with two channels providing stories about women that have called beautiful and exotic. And even though India and most of South America have dark skinned people, these people never make it to these shows and if they do, they are cast as poor and unappealing. In essence, we have two channels showing thin, light skinned women with long, straight or wavy hair who get the guy they want because of these qualities. This subliminally makes the African woman perceive herself as less beautiful and less important. It is then no surprise that more and more women are bleaching their skin and wearing Brazilian weaves and Indian ‘Human hair’. This makes it harder for the African woman who loves herself just as she is to fit into our society. Another aspect is the effect on the intellect. Most of the storyline for the film/series shown on Telemundo and ZeeWorld

What Happened to Cyber Cafes?

Cyber cafe in Nigeria.Picture: MY TECH PORTAL The visit by the world’s 7th richest man and founder of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, to Nigeria was welcomed as a sign that Nigeria is finally getting noticed by some influencers of Silicon Valley. Most people were excited at the prospect of further collaborations with the tech giant after the success of the Andela story. While people were fawning over him, if I was there I might I have done so too I couldn’t help but conclude that Zuckerberg was here for the dollars; or at least, the potential dollars. This was so eloquently put by Oby Ezekwesili in her tweet below. In spite of that, I am really glad that the world is seeing us as not just technology consumers but also as creators. The future of Nigeria is not technology; it is the present! And if we are able to harness the power that comes from creating solutions using technology, we willmove from the rut the country is in now. As I pondered on the visit of Zuckerberg, I mean people won’t let you rest with the visit all over social media I couldn’t help but be propelled into a not too distant past. It was sometime between 2001 and 2005 and most Nigerians were just discovering the internet. Yahoo was the boss of all bosses and Yahoo Messenger and Myspace were about the only chat sites there were. That was the era of the cyber cafes! I remember going to buy one hour internet time at about ₦200. Internet explorer was the only browsing site I knew and it would take forever for a page to load. Isn’t it funny that the site is still crappy? We used to feel so good to ‘browse’ the internet! Cyber cafes were popping up everywhere. As they did, the price for ‘browsing’ reduced. Even with that, the numbers of cyber cafes were just not enough for the people. Do you remember how cafes used to be filled (to the brim) with people waiting their turn to surf the net? How people booked seats and stood behind those already in front of the computer? How people jostled – literally – for seats as soon as someone got up? And how patient we were with the odors that resulted from having too many people in a tiny room? What a time! Cyber café owners were demi-gods. They had money, they could charge anything they wanted from doe-eyed customers and they could use the internet whenever they wanted. Gradually, phones became more accessible to people and phones with internet features became more prominent. Personal computers and laptops also became cheaper and more accessible to people. As this happened, the number of people going to cyber cafes began to reduce. The reduction was not drastic but it was there. I think the dearth of cyber cafes was the Blackberry phone. When Blackberry phones came into Nigeria in 2006, it caught on like wild fire. Nigerians had moved from the need to just call and receive messages to a need to follow the trend as it happened! Blackberry phones were one up on the other phones – Nokia and Samsung – that were in the market. They introduced the Blackberry Internet Service (BIS) which allowed unlimitedinternet access. People realized they could do whatever they wanted from the comforts of their homes and they went crazy! Cyber cafes were no longer NEEDED! Funny thing is, though Blackberry had the power to push out cafes, they didn’t have the power to remain relevant in the Nigerian market. What a laugh! But that is a story for another day. Helping Blackberry phones destroy cyber cafes were personal modems. People used these modems for their PCs and Laptops and had much better speed than the cafes. People were finding out that the internet could be such a fun, stress-free activity that wasn’t punctuated by the malodorous smells of packed cafes. So…more people stopped going to cafes! As this happened, cyber cafes became more like computer centers for printing out, photocopying and scanning documents. The only time cafes seemed to be relevant was for registering and writing examinations (JAMB, WASSCE, and NECO), registering for new semesters/sessions, filling mass employment application forms (police, immigration etc) and checking results. Then came the era of smartphones; iPhones and android phones. The speed with which these devices took over Nigeria is worthy of scientific research. Almost everybody has one of these phones! Telecommunication companies knew that they could gain more by reducing the cost of data bundles and they went into competition with each other on who had the cheapest data bundles. As they warred with each other and milked Nigerians of their hard earned money more and more people stopped using cyber cafes. I didn’t know how bad it was until I had to send an urgent mail. All my devices were down, and I was time-bound and desperate. I went to a café in Lagos and was the only one there. I bought an hour and had the worst time online since maybe 2010! In that hour, the only other people that came in were really old people or people with little formal education. I bought an extra hour to test my theory and it was solid; young people were not going to cafes anymore! It made me wonder what happened to cybercafés. I knew it was preposterous to base my conclusion on one cyber café so when I got to Abuja, I checked out a couple of cyber cafes. It was the same thing I saw. When I returned home to Kaduna, I went to the cafes I used to hang out in and all five of them showed marked decline in patronage. In fact, one of the biggest cafes in Sabo, Kaduna, was empty; on a Saturday! I followed through by visiting Ahmadu Bello University (ABU), Zaria. When my bestie and I passed the café at the Social Center, there were just few people in there. If you attended ABU, you know that café used to be always so packed! It was surprising to see just a few people there. Anyway, I realized that cyber cafes didn’t

Ibrahim Mustapha: Pioneering Kaduna’s Online Mall

The love of the series – House Of Cards – can lead to many things. After tweeting about the season four finale, a tweep with the handle @Hunta_Smith said he had not seen that season. I really don’t know why I asked him to come get it if he was in Kaduna. I didn’t expect he would reply but he did. He not only told me he was in Kaduna but he was willing to meet me where I was. We made an appointment and I went through his profile to see if I could find any serial killer traits. When we finally met, I introduced myself and he said, ‘I am Ibrahim Mustapha.’ We got talking and being the nosy inquisitive person that I am, I peppered him with questions about himself and his work. When I was done grilling him, I knew I had write about him. Continue here.

Happy Birthday Dad Uzzah Wado!

Dr. Uzzah Wado Founder Diplomat’s Centre, Kaduna It was the year 2006 and I was spiraling out of control. I had my life planned out but I was becoming more destructive to myself. My friend Jacob David invited me to church and that day, my life changed! Preaching that morning was Dr. Uzzah Wado. He talked on ‘Finding Your Purpose’ and I sat riveted to the pulpit. See, I had been going to church but it was more a social event than anything else. I honestly felt the pastors I had been under were mediocre and the image of GOD they portrayed wasn’t the view of GOD I had in my mind. The messages didn’t serve to improve my faith and I knew there had to be more about GOD! Dr. Uzzah teaching on Leadership So here I was listening to a different kind of message! It was intelligent, logical, knowledge-filled and very deep. My mind was blown! THIS was the message I had been waiting for! I went to Dad Uzzah’s house and he invited me into his library. I was impressed by the size of it and the number of books he had. I was however no longer surprised that his message was so intelligent. This man reads for Africa! He saw that I was with a book – a romantic fiction novel – and that was the first point of conversation. Dad asked about books I had read and asked if I had seen some of his. I was real, telling him I didn’t read Christian or motivational literature. He was good with that. Didn’t pronounce me a sinner or stuff like that. We continued to see and talk at least once every week. It became my free therapy session. I always left those meetings with a new book to read. Soon I was telling him about my dysfunctional family and my road to self-destruction. On one of such days, he got up from his seat to look for a book – which was unusual because he used to tell me to get the book for him – and when he saw what he was looking for, he pulled it out and gave to me. It was ‘Breaking the Cycle of Pain’ by Bishop T.D. Jakes. Dad Uzzah asked me to read it and come back for a discussion. Rev. Dr. Uzzah WadoDirectorInstitute for National Transformation (Abuja) That book took me through a whirlwind of pain, sadness, grief, anger and finally, change! That was the day I decided to be more focused on rebuilding me from the roots of my dysfunction. Dad stayed with me even when I got mad at him and left the relationship and deliberately disregarded him. He made sure he always prayed for me and advised me on many major decisions. It has been 10 years since I met Dr. Uzzah Wado and till tomorrow, he is still one of the biggest influences in my life. He taught me to be a purpose-driven woman, showed me that I was equal to the male version of my species, reminded me that I am like GOD and should strive to always represent MY KING and best of all, was my a good replica of JESUS to me. I am proud to know this man! Dad, as you celebrate your new age, I bless GOD for your life! I am thankful that you let GOD use you. If you hadn’t come into my life, I don’t know what could have happened. As such, I pray for much more wisdom for you, more knowledge, more understanding, more blessings, more power, more glory, more strength, more increase and more happiness in your life. I pray that your years will be graced with the joy you deserve and honored with the crowning glory that comes from serving GOD. I pray that your delight in your family grows and that your influence expands beyond your best imagination! I am proud of you dad! Love you plenty! Happy birthday Dr. Uzzah Wado! PS: Though not as often as before, I still got to him to ‘disturb’ him in his Library! When he sees me, he knows that the crazy person is around. Thank you Dad for accepting my quirks and craziness! The Uzzahs

Happy Birthday Frama!

Frama receiving the ‘BEST H.O.D AWARD’ at the House of Refuge International Workers Awad/Appreciation Night Frama Ambrose is someone I met in January 2013. I was introduced to him as one who would be joining the Protocol Unit of House of Refuge International Church, Yola. He was courteous, respectful and very willing to teach me the ropes of the department. In less than three months, he was made the Head of Department of the Protocol Unit and I was so HAPPY! No one was more suited to lead such a sensitive department. Making sure things are going smoothly Frama has the qualities of a leader – of a true leader – and that is why it was so easy to submit to him. You know I used to have to crazy temper tantrums and with just one word, I knew I had to keep myself in check. There was this thing that made us not want to disappoint Frama. Frama is Mr. Excellence himself. Being the protocol boss, he knew a bit about everything in church and a lot out of it. He is funny, very intelligent, sometimes sarcastic (guess you know why I like him) and very considerate! He was the only person I could discuss basketball with and you know I love my NBA franchises! The Ambroses; Frama, Yanuti and King Diego Jr. With his wife Yanuti (mama!), I found a family in Yola who had my back and to whom I could run to when I had problems. And when I did wrong, he would chastise me immediately and drop the issue. This made me become a better me. His desire for GOD and the things of GOD makes him a better man daily! I love the Ambrose family and I am so proud to have met Frama! Today, I celebrate him as he marks another birthday! Frama and Yanuti Ambrose Dear Frama, as you celebrate today, may GOD always bless you and your beautiful family, may HE keep you grounded in all you do, infusing you with more wisdom, knowledge and understanding and taking you from glory to better glory. Your style of leadership is to be emulated and I pray GOD makes you a shining example and influence for more and more young people. I pray that your son, King Diego Jr, sees the example of your influence and replicates it in his generation. I am so proud of you Frama! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Frama and Yanuti Ambrose

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