Minding Your Business
Image: Trust Tru Katsande for Unsplash One of our previous posts, ACCEPT YOUR HUSBAND LIKE THAT, received some praise, a healthy discussion and some backlash. We were very happy! If we have people talking about the issue, we must have done a good job. But before we tell you more about our glee, let us discuss some of the issues raised. In one instance, we were told that it was disrespectful to talk about a religious leader in that light. In another, we were told that our view point was taken out of context. But the one that got us cracking the most was when we were told to ‘mind our business.’ Rather than do that, we set up a poll on Twitter and got even more anger. Some people wanted us to just mind our business. That was the one we really wanted to get into. Look at the poll we did. Two of the people who commented seemed very angry when telling us to can it. We burst out in laughter when we saw ‘meddlesome interloper’ and then the irony hit us. These people were so busy telling us to mind our business that they forgot they were committing the same faux pas; not minding theirs. They scrolled through their timeline, saw the tweets, read and understood them, got riled up, decided to respond, PROCEEDED to respond (and in some cases, respond again). You see that ‘minding your business’ would have gone more like, ‘scroll through timeline, see tweets, read and understand, probably get riled up (or not), decide it is not your business, continue scrolling through your timeline.’ That would have been Minding Your Business 101. And while we are a team of really crazy people, we decided to be respectful in our responses to these people. Where we would have bust a cap in the responders’ behinds, we decided to file it under ‘Peeves of growing a readership’. But the interaction got us thinking. Does anyone ever mind their business? We think not. From the busiest people to those who are just chilling in the Bahamas, there seems to be the need to know what is happening with other people and form an opinion about it. That is why the US Stock Exchange, even in the time of stability, monitors what is happening with the Asian Stock Exchange. It is another reason why an Arsenal fan keeps up with teams in the Bundesliga, La Liga, Serie A, Ligue 1 and Eredivisie. It is also why religious adherents of different faiths wonder why the other group does what it does or why we click on those ‘29 more pictures’ on Facebook. Deep down, we believe that these events (that are seemingly not our business) affect us in one way or the other. In some cases, they do. In others, we are far removed. That is why a husband’s disdainful treatment of his wife is our business and why a possible insubordination by a wife was the business of those who commented. The myth of minding your business is then just that; a myth. There is almost no one who minds their business all the time. Even monks who are ensconced in monasteries high atop mountains still come out once in a while to affect the communities surrounding them. The need to know and be a part of something that may or may not affect you is why many businesses flourish across the globe. It is that need that makes us eavesdrop on people talking in the bus or watch those two conductors fight. It is also that need that has led to revolutions globally for better lives for people. But this is why many things are our business; 1. The World Bank reports that ‘51% of African women accept that being beaten by their husbands is justified if they either go out without permission, neglect the children, argue back, refuse to have sex or burn the food.’ While this goes against EVERY human rights, it is the ‘mind your business’ mentality that makes women feel they are deserving of such. If women are taught that it is unacceptablefor a man to hit them, whether he is their husband or not, then this appalling statistic will come crashing to the lowest figures; 2. Though greatly under-reported, it is estimated that 35% of women globally and up to 70% of women in some countries have been raped at least once. This can be found the 2016 UN Women ‘Facts and Figures: EndingViolence against Women’. We refuse to be silent with such staggering facts because we have been – and may again be – victims of this. We talk about it in collaboration with other bodies to see how this can be reduced. This means that if we hear that a husband rapes his wife, we call for justice regardless of the fact that he is her husband; 3. There are an estimated 414 million people living in extreme poverty across Africa. That is a whopping 48.5% of the population. This is according to The Borgen Project of 2010. And though we are middle class Africans, it is no reason to ignore such a deplorable state because it does not affect us. The Borgen project also reports on malnourishment, people living without electricity, lack of access to clean water, number of refugees as a result of war, maternal mortality, malaria, child marriage and women’s access to school. These are all issues we are passionate about even though we haven’t suffered some of the debilitative effects; 4. The Global Education Monitoring (GEM) Report of UNESCO for 2014 shows that across Africa, 28 million girls between the ages of 6 and 15 are not in school and many will never even set foot in a classroom. This is alarming. And it is why we support the No Girl Left Behind Project. We want EVERY GIRL to be educated and to maximize her potential in her community. And if a girl doesn’t want to do so, we believe it SHOULD BE HER CHOICE ENTIRELY
Chude on the Government, Global Comparisons and the Future Projects
We sat with Chude Jideonwo, Co-Founder and Managing Partner of RED MEDIA AFRICA, and we talked about many aspects of the Nigerian life; from youth participation in government and governance, social media, activism and advocacy, to his work with his various institutions and the likes. Chude Jideonwo didn’t hold anything back. He expressed his views clearly and succinctly and it is a direct call to the Nigerian youth to wake up to our nation building responsibilities. Watch the concluding part of the interview after the cut.
Zion Oshiobugie: From House Boy to Entrepreneur
Zion OshiobugieCEO, Clever Minds Integrated ServicesCredit: Nairaland Let us talk about Zion Oshiobugie, shall we? Zion is an entrepreneur, teacher, and On-Air-Personality with Crown 89.9 FM, Warri. He is the CEO of Clever Minds Integrated Services, a consultancy firm offering training and educational services to the public in the same city and its environs, aided by fifteen employees working in three learning centres. Zion was born in Kaduna State, Nigeria, to a middle class family. He is the second of five children. He lived a reasonably simple and content life until things changed. His father lost his job. When living became progressively hard, especially in light of the constant religious and political crisis that plagued Kaduna State, Zion and his family had to move to Warri. His mother became a petty trader and each of his siblings had to work. Zion carried blocks and helped his mother sell her plantains. He eventually became a houseboy for a distant relative. It was during this period that he made the resolve to be rich. He worked hard to put himself through The Petroleum Training Institute where he studied Electrical Electronics Engineering. He got his idea to start up Clever Minds Integrated Services while working for a private secondary school in Warri. He noticed the lack of quality education in the poor riverine communities in the Niger Delta and knew he had to do something about it. At that time though, he could not implement the idea because of a lack of funds. And to make matters worse, he lost his job. Zion wanted to commit suicide. He knew what poverty was, how it tasted and what it could do to one’s mind and he definitely didn’t want to go back to that place. Suicide seemed like a sensible plan but after some months of depression, he was able to snap out it. This crucial moment made him decide not to be a job seeker but a problem solver. The idea of Clever Minds flitted back to him and he decided the time was right. He started his first school in Edjeba Community in Warri and had just two people; himself and his first student. That didn’t dissuade Zion at all. He was providing quality education at a very cheap rate and he knew if he quit, the town might never get the education it needed. Guess what? He stuck to it and things began to pick up. In 2015, the glass ceiling finally broke. Zion applied for – and got into – the Tony Elemelu Foundation Entrepreneurship Program. The Tony Elumelu Entrepreneurship Programme, with $5,000 seed capital, a 12-week training and mentorship phase as well as other resources including networking and a 3-day boot-camp attended by policymakers and investors was like the cherry to Zion’s hard work. In his words; “Formerly, I had one learning center in Kosini but after Tony Elumelu Foundation Entrepreneurship Programme, I now have two more learning centers and I’m planning to open another one in Benin this year. The Tony Elumelu Foundation Entrepreneurship Programme has changed my story. Personally, the Tony Elumelu Foundation Entrepreneurship Programme has made me a public speaker because I gradually became a celebrity in Delta state when people discovered I was selected for the Tony Elumelu Foundation Entrepreneurship Programme. I have been invited to speak about this in over 20 gatherings.” Zion’s goal is to educate over 20 million children in the next 20 years and “to use education as a tool to end poverty and joblessness”. For about N3,000, he is providing education, vocational training, entrepreneurship training, and leadership training at the three centres being run by his company. So far, Zion and the Clever Minds Integrated services have trained over 500 students in various fields. From being a houseboy, flirting with suicide and now being a CEO, it is worthy of note that hard work and the right support system helps people achieve their dreams and better than that, people who achieve their dreams are better able to influence and improve society. Zion Oshiobugie is one of such people and we are proud to make him our man crush today. More photos here.
Accept Your Husband Like That
Thought Catalog for Unsplash I have hashed a lot about the place society has relegated women to and while this is one of them, it is slightly different. So let us get into it. I was at a leadership summit recently. It was put together by a church and while I would not normally attend a church program, I keep my reservations aside when it is a leadership training. The resource person is well traveled, known and respected. His knowledge on effective leadership was mind-blowing and I was impressed…until he spoke about his wife. He bragged about his control over his wife, telling us how she studied a rare field of engineering and graduated with awesome grades. He went further to tell us that his wife had her Masters in Strategic Management and was one of the top in her class. I was impressed with his adulation until the next words flowed out of his mouth. ‘I told her I promised God everyone in my household would serve him and I made her keep those degrees because serving God is more important. Rather than go out there to work, she is teaching God’s word like I am.’ I was like, what the flying hell?! Can’t she serve God by applying her knowledge to improving her community? But that was just the beginning. He said that even though she was brilliant in her field, she didn’t need to apply her strategic management anywhere but their home. Yes! He said that. He said he is the head of their family and everything he wants has to be obeyed! Again, he said that! He continued by saying that if she makes any money, she brings all of it to him so he can give it back to her. He said even when he gives her carte blanche to do whatever she wants with HER MONEY, she still submits it all to him so that he can dole it back out to her. By this time, I was fuming. But…It got progressively worse. The man said because he travels a lot and sees a lot of women with different styles and looks, he said — and I am quoting him here — that he even picks the hairstyles that his wife wears. He said that before she sets off to the salon, he tells her exactly what style to do and she has to do just that. And when he gets attracted to other women, he would replicate what was attractive in that woman onto his wife, instead of ‘committing adultery’. He told men to take a leaf from his playbook and instead of cheating, ‘copy and paste’ what they want in those other women to their wives. The way I see it, isn’t it fucking the other woman without actually touching her? He then directed his focus to women. Trust me; I need to quote this one. ‘Women, you keep saying you will fix your hair the way you want. For those of you who think this, continue oh! Don’t ask us what we want. Allow that secretary that has the new hair we like become more interesting.’ In essence, if you didn’t do what your husband wants, you should not be surprised that another woman gets (and keeps) his attention. He also urged women to accept their husbands just as he is because he was doing his best to make the family better. She shouldn’t nag, and should always be supportive and submissive. I was turned off by the speech and I wanted to shut him out. But for the sake of balance, I tried to give him the benefit of doubt. I hoped he would tell us how husbands MUST DO what their wives want if they were to keep her interested. It never came. I am talking three days of training, with roughly seventeen hours split into five sessions. Not ONCE in this time frame did he say anything about men doing what their wives want. But in all five sessions, he mentioned over and over again why women — wives — MUST OBEY THEIR HUSBANDS because he is the head of the house and MUST DO ALL THE MAN WANTS if he is to stay interested and faithful. So here was an internationally acclaimed leadership facilitator who didn’t even get it right in his own home; a man who felt wives MUST obey their husbands (even if it meant rendering their education useless), and a man who made his wife dress up like the women he was attracted to so he can still cheat without the hassles of staining his reputation. This same man believes that wives should submit their earnings to their husbands so he can dole out parts of it back to her. All I could see was a narcissistic, misogynistic control freak who isn’t ashamed to show the world how bad his attitude towards women is. You would almost wonder why he was teaching in a church, but I am pretty sure he would say the Bible gave him that assurance; after all, there is a whole chapter on the perfect wife — and her duties — in Proverbs, isn’t there? And though I learned a whole lot about effective leadership in the work place or within an organization, I couldn’t maintain respect for the facilitator in light of his blatant disrespect for women (in general) and his wife (in particular). But this is more than me. What do you think of this man and his ideologies? Do you think women should only work in capacities approved by their husbands? Should women submit their salaries or earnings to their husband? And when women realize that they have such husbands, should they just ‘accept their husbands like that’? I really would like to hear what you think of this.
Confusion About Religion
Note: This post is not to malign any religion but to share my confusion about the role of religion in humanity’s advancement. So many thoughts have been racing through my head about the many aspects of religion. These thoughts have grown to become huge questions needing answers. So let me walk you through them. On ‘The True God’: There are over 4300 religions in the world, with Christianity, Islam, Nonreligious (which in itself is a religion), Hinduism, Chinese Traditional religion and Buddhism as the six most popular; in that order. Each of these 4000 plus religions believes that their god – or plethora of gods – is the ‘true god’. Monotheists like Muslims, Christians, Jews and others swear that their god is the truth; even though Muslims don’t believe Christianity is a monotheistic religion. Is Allah the true god and Mohammad his last messenger? Is Jehovah the true god, manifesting himself in human form as Jesus and remaining with people as the Holy Spirit? Is the true god Buddha, Ahura Mazda, Haile Selassie, Shango, Aganju, Amadioha, Aleku, Bumba or the other (very many) gods of Africa and the world? Thing is, each religious adherent believes that their own god is the only true one. Why is that? Where do people get off believing that their chosen paths have to be the right one? And even though none of these gods has been proven to exist, adherents of these religions believe that their way has to be the right path. Yes, none of the existence of these gods have been disproved either but that still leaves us in a lurch. If only one religion is the right path, then at least 4299 religions have to be ‘wrong’. This brings me to the next thought. On ‘Destiny’: Most religious people, regardless of their faith and beliefs, believe that our lives were predestined before we were born and we are just living an already prepared script. This script is supposedly written by the one true god who basically dictates our lives from the moment we are conceived to the moment we die. This has always set me on edge. If this is to be believed, then this one true god deliberately writes that some people WOULD NOT WORSHIP HIM so that he can punish them. This has to be the logical conclusion because, of the 7 billion people on earth, only 2.1 billion are Christians and 1.3 billion, Muslims. Even if we ignore the 1.1 billion who are nonreligious (atheist, agnostics, secular), we still have a whopping 2.5 billion who do not believe in either of these most popular religions. So if Allah is the right god, has he deliberately written that 5.7 billion people go to hell? Or if Jehovah is the true god, has he destined 4.9 billion people to eternal condemnation? Someone once told me that while our lives are destined, we have to choose to walk in our destiny and choosing otherwise is what gets us thrown to hell. Isn’t this a contradiction in itself? If my life has been scripted out, doesn’t that mean that I am destinedto be for or against god? Even if I CHOOSEthat path? And whether we like it or not, there are some people who will never hear about any of these religions. So does that mean that god deliberately doesn’t give them the chance to choose him or their destiny? You can see why this has me in a fix. On ‘Holy Books’: The most popular ‘Holy Books’ are the Bible and Qur’an. These books are said to be the ‘incorruptible word of god’ by those who believe in them. As similar as these book are in terms of morality and storytelling, these books are widely different. Most people will tell you their god is the real deal because their ‘Holy Books’ tell them so. Christians and Jews say that the Bible and Torah (respectively) are the holy words of god because it was written by lots of people who were inspired by god and the stories are in tandem, all leading to Christ or Yahweh. The Muslim says that very reason is why the Bible/Torah is unreliable as the Qur’an was written by only one person. While Christians and Jews do not recognize the Qur’an as a holy book, Muslims accept bits of the Bible that are similar in teaching to the Qur’an. Also, where many scholars may read the books that are contradictory to their faith, many religious faithful do not. So we have the Bible saying that Jehovah is god and the Qur’an saying that Allah is god. The Vedas, Ramayana, Mahabharata and Puranas tell the Hindu that his way is the truth and the Buddhist swears by the Triptaka, Mahayana Sutras and the Tibetan book of the dead. Each of these books proclaims a true god and denounces others as false. So how can one book be right and all others wrong? And better still, which one of them is right?! Quite honestly, apart from our ‘faith’ in whatever ‘word of god’ we pick, do we really have any proof that these words are right and true? Here is the thing; I can find god in the Harry Potter series and even a way of life in them. Does that make it a holy book? And why is okay to assume other books are wrong when most of us never even bother to read them? I guess what I am asking is what gives us the certainty that the books that tell us how to live our lives are the ‘infallible word of god’? On ‘Blessings’: Each of these religions teaches that god only blesses those who follow the tenets written in their holy books. It goes further to imply that people can only be successful when they follow these books to the smallest tittle. We have seen that this is absolutely false. If anything, it seems that people are the ones who make their own blessings.
World AIDS Day
Photo by Klaus Nielsen from Pexels Today is marked globally as WORLD AIDS DAY. HIV/AIDS is still a problem in many African countries, with adolescent and young female adults being more at risk. The global HIV statistic put together by UNAIDS IN 2016 showed that; 1. 18.2 million [16.1 million–19.0 million] people were accessing antiretroviral therapy (June 2016) 2. 36.7 million [34.0 million–39.8 million] people globally were living with HIV (end 2015) 3. 2.1 million [1.8 million–2.4 million] people became newly infected with HIV (end 2015) 4. 1.1 million [940 000–1.3 million] people died from AIDS-related illnesses (end 2015) 5. 78 million [69.5 million–87.6 million] people have become infected with HIV since the start of the epidemic (end 2015) 6. 35 million [29.6 million–40.8 million] people have died from AIDS-related illnesses since the start of the epidemic (end 2015) But it is not just grim news. The fight against HIV/AIDS is working as shown by UNAIDS Get on theFast-Track: the life-cycle approach to HIV; ‘The world has committed to end the AIDS epidemic by 2030 as part of the Sustainable Development Goals. We are seeing that countries are getting on the Fast-Track—more than 18 million people are on life-saving HIV treatment and country after country is on track to virtually eliminate HIV transmission from mother to child.’ HIV is no longer a death sentence. You can live fully functional and effective lives like Fara James, who has been living with HIV for 22 years. We support preventive measures against HIV/AIDS. Measures like knowing that HIV can only be transmitted via; · Blood; · Semen; · Pre-seminal fluids; · Rectal fluids; · Vaginal fluids; · Breast milk; and · Mother-to-child transfusion. HIV cannot be transmitted through casual contact with a person infected with HIV; casual contacts like a handshake, a hug, or a closed-mouth kiss. And you can’t get HIV from contact with objects such as toilet seats, doorknobs, or dishes used by a person infected with HIV. This means there is no reason to discriminate against people living with HIV or AIDS. You can however reduce your risk of contracting HIV by; · Get tested and know your partner’s HIV status; · Have less risky sex. Oral sex is much less risky than anal or vaginal sex. Anal sex is the most risky type of sex for HIV transmission; · Use condoms; · Limit your number of sexual partners. The more partners you have, the more likely you are to have a partner with HIV whose HIV is not well controlled or to have a partner with a sexually transmitted disease (STD); · Get tested and treated for STDs; · Talk to your health care provider about pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP). PrEP is an HIV prevention option for people who don’t have HIV but who are at high risk of becoming infected with HIV. PrEP involves taking a specific HIV medicine every day. PrEP should always be combined with other prevention options, such as condoms. For more information, read the AIDSinfo fact sheet on Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP); · Don’t inject drugs. But if you do, use only sterile drug injection equipment and water and never share your equipment with others. And if you are HIV positive, don’t be ashamed to visit a doctor and get medication. Shame hasn’t helped anyone. Take your medication daily and live a proactive life. And use same preventive methods as listed above. HIV/AIDS is a disease, not a reason to stigmatize someone. Show someone love today. You never know how far it will go.
Did You Miss Any of These?
HEYYA GUYS! This week was wow! We had so much excitement on Monday and for a minute there, we were almost busting out of our seams. Somehow, that energy didn’t carry to the end of the week. Why? Can we get our excitement back? Well, tomorrow is the start of a new week and we hope to be back with full ‘ginger’. Anyway, these were our biggest stories and posts this past week; 1. On the blog; · We started the week by calling out everyone who thinks that women exaggerate their menstrual pains to get out of work or because they want to be ‘petted’. Like we care what people think when we are writhing in pains😒😒😒😒😒😒😒; · We also had a child labor dilemma that we wanted you to help solve. PS: We still need answers and; · And because the #16DaysOfActivism started on November 25, which also is the #InternationalDayForTheEradicationOfViolenceAgainstWomen, we put a post about why changing the rhetoric on ending violence against women may be our only chance at surviving the persistent violence towards us. 2. And on the podcast; · We dished on Room 315, AFFRIFF and other movie news we were tracking and; · We did a roundup of the what-the-hell news 😕😕😕we had seen this week. Like, what the hell man? Quick teaser…there is a man who penis went to his knees, a landlord who doubles up as a prison guard and the possible new president of Zimbabwe. You need to listen to it. Anyway, that was it on our platforms this week. If you missed out on any of our stories, you can catch them all up here. Don’t forget to follow our various platform; · FACEBOOK: Shades of Brown, NG; · TWITTER: @shadesofbrownng; · INSTAGRAM: @shadesofbrownng and; · EMAIL: shadesofbrownnigeria@gmail.com. Love you always. Kisses!
Ending Violence Against Women
Image Credit: BBC – AFRICA’S A COUNTRY There is a concerted effort to keep women ‘in their place in society’. It doesn’t matter if it is in the seeming free societies of the Europe, Australia, America or South East Asia; the strict societies of the Middle East; the budding developments of Africa; or the backwater towns of each of these regions. The common factor is that society has carved out a place for women and girls and when they refuse to stay in ‘their lane’, they are most often met with violence. Even worse than that is the number of women who stay in ‘their place’ and still suffer the debilitating effects of violence; domestic abuse, rape, female genital mutilation, overbearingly hard labor, child marriage, improper healthcare leading to extremely painful childbirth, maternal mortality and more. Violence against women has become a disease that has been permitted to stay; a disease that is fueled by patriarchy, misogyny, bigotry and the pervading view that women are less than men. Since the dawn of time, many women have accepted their lot in life and have never questioned the status quo. When some women stand up against the injustices that society metes out to them, they are met with resistance from men, which is expected, and from women too, which is just sad. We admit that men are not the only proponents of patriarchy and the irony isn’t lost on anyone. This means that in ending violence against women, the mandate has to go back to women. Women have to be taught that; 1. We are human beings first and thus, equal to men. We are not by nature of our gender less than men; be it physically, emotionally, mentally or psychologically. Some of our physiology may be different but we are inherently equal; 2. The ONLY thing a man can do that a woman CANNOT do is provide sperm. In like manner, the ONLY thing women can do that men CANNOT do is carry a child from fertilization to term and produce milk to suckle the child. These two things are purely physiological; 3. Women are emotional beings who are logical too. Just as men are. It is pure fallacy to think that women are ONLY emotional and men ONLY logical. This ruse has been used to keep women in ‘their place’ when it comes to leadership, governance, family direction and the likes; 4. Women CAN and WILL do any and everything they set their minds to and shouldn’t believe otherwise. She can be an astrophysicist or a housewife. Women have the brain capacity to do it all; 5. Women are not to be corrected with physical abuse. There is no cause – just or otherwise – for hitting a woman. When she does wrong, she should be told she has done wrong and allowed to learn from her mistakes. Flogging, beating, slapping, cutting, hitting or punching her is NOT ACCEPTABLE! Under no circumstance is spousal abuse right; 6. It is not a woman’s fault that she is raped or sexually assaulted and abused. It is the perpetrator’s fault. The entire blame lies with the abuser. A woman does not invite rape by dressing in a certain way, or by being on the bus alone, or by wearing make-up, or by putting pictures on her social media platforms, or by walking home in the dark, or by hanging out with that male friend, or by refusing her husband sex or by trusting that uncle (or brother, father, family friend, teacher or anyone she knows) and a woman definitely doesn’t invite rape by having her own opinions and standing for them; 7. Women have every right to have and hold their own opinions, whether similar or vastly different from popular norms, without fear of harassment and abuse; 8. Women have a right to inheritance and ownership of property without being harassed by male family members or in-laws. The home wives live in with their husbands and children is as much theirs as it is their spouses. No one has the right to evict them from their homes in the event of the demise of their husbands. Adding to that, women are not to be treated in barbaric and unfair manner to prove that they are not culpable in their husband’s death. People die! deal with it; 9. No woman should have to face ANY FORM of female genital mutilation. Every organ on the body has its use and function and beyond that, it is not beneficial to any woman to have part of or all of her external genitalia removed in the guise of enforcing sexual purity. Female genital mutilation is a totally unhealthy, irrelevant and an unnecessary procedure and must be stopped globally; 10. Every woman is as sexual a being as men are. A woman’s urges and desires does not make her a ‘whore’, ‘prostitute’ or even loose. If a woman who chooses sexual freedom is to be labelled, men who do same should be labelled too. The wanton double standards have to come to an end! Some women, like some men, have higher libido than others and THAT IS OKAY! A woman has the right to explore her sexuality without fear of being labelled or worse, attacked. She has the right to make her own choices of chastity or sexual freedom without being forced to tow a line; 11. Women ARE NOT PROPERTY! They are not to be bought and sold like goods in the open market; whether it is for marriage or for forced prostitution. A woman is a full, living, breathing person and selling her not only demeans her humanity, it speaks of character so vile it has to be purged. No woman should be a slave to anyone and; 12. EVERY WOMAN is entitled to proper healthcare from birth until death. She shouldn’t have to die from diseases or childbirth because her family or spouse do not believe in modern medicine or the importance of hospitals. Malaria, typhoid, diarrhea and maternal mortality are things we
The Child Labor Dilemma
📷: Fortune I have always been against children working; and by working, I don’t mean house chores. I believe that children shouldn’t have to hustle or work for the upkeep of their families. I want a world where children are allowed to have their childhood, to go through the motions of finding themselves, to have puppy love and then formulate principles for their adulthood. This is because ‘adulting’ is hard and a lifetime work. I want children to enjoy their childhood before adulthood comes a-knocking. But in the last few weeks, I have been having some dilemma about this view. I met two young brothers aged 14 and 12. I will call them John and Doe. Their parents are what you will tag as below-average Nigerians. They are not exactly pit-poor but life is hard for them. Their mother is a food vendor while their father works for a cross-country transportation agency as a driver. John and Doe attend a State-owned secondary school and from their speech, I know the school isn’t doing much good for them. Their school has the Day and Afternoon style popular among state-owned schools. What this means is that John goes to school in the morning from 8am to about 1pm while Doe goes to school from 1pm to about 5pm. This schedule changes every two weeks, allowing the boys to switch sessions. I was told that they went to an ageing man who lives alone and offered their services to him; sweeping the compound and fetching water. They did this on their own, without being forced by their parents or even asked to do so. The old man accepted their offer and from what I gathered, is paying them a reasonable sum of money. All they have to do is sweep his compound daily and fetch water once every week. When John has to be in school in the morning, Doe does the work and when Doe goes to school in the morning, John does the work. I asked John about his family and he explained all these to me. I asked if they shared the money they made when the other is off to school and John told me that they gave whatever they made to their mother who in turn bought things for them. Here is my dilemma. Nigeria has adopted the International Labor Standards on Child Labor which allows the minimum age for employment or work to be at 15 (or 13 for light work). Doe is 12 so already he doesn’t fit into the law and though John is covered by the law, I am still worried. Yes, the work they are doing is light work and it isn’t much different from what any kid their age does at home. And yes, they went to seek out employment by themselves and are not in any way forced to do the job and their work in no way affects their schooling but….I am worried. If I have my way, no kid will work until they are 15 and even at that, it would be very light work. This is the reason why I wrote the article, CHILDREN SHOULD NOT HUSTLE. In fact, I abhor child labor so much that I don’t buy anything from child hawkers. This may seem mean but I believe if we all did the same, parents would have no other option than to keep their children at home and away from the dangers of hawking. I know the situation can best be described as ‘lose-lose’ but I really don’t like children hustling. Whichever path I choose, I always end up feeling guilty. But these kids have chosen to work to help augment what their parents are bringing in and with the current state of the Nigerian economy, every extra Naira goes a long way in helping their family. So my question is, what do you think I should do? Should I say something to the man, which may be the right thing to do but knowing that it may mean these boys suffer in this harsh economy or should I remain quiet, knowing that they are being treated fairly by their employer and their family definitely needs the extra cash? So over to you…if you were me, what would you do?
On Exaggerated Menstrual Pains
📷: Diva Diaries PS: If you think talking about menstruation is nasty or disgusting, log off now. Your opinion doesn’t matter to us. So…for those of us who care about women’s reproductive health, let us begin. A while back, I heard a friend was sick and went to see her. I didn’t know what was wrong because she wasn’t very coherent on phone but I knew she would appreciate visits. I called a mutual male friend and we set off to see her. When we got to where she was staying, we saw that she was doing better and she told us we shouldn’t have been worried because ‘it was just menstrual pain’. There were a bunch of us there so we settled into good natured camaraderie. As we laughed and talked, she gradually became more withdrawn. Soon enough, she got up and went to the bedroom. We continued gisting and having fun. After a while, we noticed she had not returned and our host went to check on her. She returned and told us our friend was writhing in the bedroom. We all rushed; panicked and afraid. Our host quickly called someone and in the five, maybe ten, minutes before he showed up, my girl went from ‘just menstrual pains’ to writhing in pains, screams and uncontrollable spasms. We all had to hold her down and carry her to the car. Even when we got to the car, her legs were everywhere and it took all my strength to hold her down as gently as I could. I could feel the shivers running though her body and when we finally got to the hospital, it wasn’t too soon. The male nurses at the reception were a bit nonchalant, even taking time out to laugh and talk. Our host was mad and nearly went ham. It wasn’t until they saw our urgency that our friend was shown into a doctor’s office. The doctor quickly prescribed injections after we told her that she had taken some strong acting analgesic and had already been admitted before for the pains. It was maybe thirty minutes after the shot was administered that our friend began to feel better. Not better as in her normal self, but better as a person just coalescing from a terrible illness. Our male friend, who had been afraid at the sight of a usually strong girl totally broken down by her period pains, kept looking as if he had had an encounter with a ghost. We joked about it being normal for many girls and women and he swore he wasn’t marrying anyone. As we laughed in the face of all these, one of the male nurses spoke to us and suggested that he hadn’t been quick in his response because ‘you know how girls like to exaggerate their menstrual pains’. His view was that when women want to get out of work or just want ‘petting’, they exaggerate the pain they feel. Was this guy serious?! Did he ever have menstrual pain that helped him gauge the extent of pain a person should feel at any given time? Or did his teachers teach him that women didn’t feel as much pain as they ‘pretended to’ when having cramps? I nearly flew into a tirade at his educated but ignorant brain but then my friend moaned and I channeled my energy into being a good friend. It is a common perception by many people that women exaggerate the pain they feel during menstruation. I recall even reading an article with this same theme one time and I am still smarting from the anger I felt when I read that load of stale bull crap. This is because I know – first hand – what menstrual pain does to women. I started menstruating February 10, 2000. I remember that day as clearly as I can see my hands now because that was the beginning of my monthly torture. My insides felt like they were been slowly torn up with scalding iron. I writhed and screamed and cried and begged God to take my life and it wasn’t until my mother came home – hours later – and saw the blood that she rushed and got me drugs. In those hours before I was rescued, I broke out in a fever, had diarrhea, was nauseous and vomited at least three times. Adding to that was the fact that my lower back was on fire and I couldn’t stand straight; or sit; or lie down; or kneel; or stay in any position for more than two to three minutes. The drugs took away some of the major symptoms but the diarrhea and nausea remained. My sense of smell was heightened and normally wonderful smells became disgusting and nauseating. Till today, the thoughtof pancakes during my period makes me nauseous. The thought! It has been more than nineteen years since I started my first period and every month, every damn month, I go through variations of this type of hell. Let me reiterate so you can understand. For the past 238 months, I have had to deal with such terrible menstrual cramp that it is a wonder I am still here today. Every single month since that day, I have to take drugs to have a slightly better chance at dealing with the pain. If I miscalculate my cycle or start when I have no access to drugs, I pay dearly. You can imagine my outrage when someone has the gall to tell me that I am exaggerating my pain! Like, is this person mad?! Ladies back me up here. When we are in such excruciating pain, we don’t give a flying fuck about your ‘petting’; or the lack of it. All we can think of is the white hot pain searing through our very core. Did I tell you I begged God to take my life on more than twenty occasions because of the kind of pain I was feeling? And mine isn’t
