Category: Fiction

Ripple Effect (II)

To get acquainted with the first part of the story, read (here) After what seemed like eternity, the lights came back on. He opened his eyes and saw himself. He looked around, noticing how small he had become, how very insignificant and…trapped!  He felt the presence of seven different entities, all vying for dominion of his body. The angrier they got, the more they pushed his spirit into something smaller, something less significant. As the entities vied for power and control, he couldn’t help but remember just how bitter and aggrieved his spirit had been because of his deformity. He also recalled how he found out about the cause of his deformity; a result of a failed abortion by his mum. The memories came flooding in. His mum had wanted to be a career woman. Even though she said yes at the altar, she wasn’t willing to give up the power that came with independence. This was clearly defined when she refused to have sex with her husband without a condom for more than three years after the grand wedding. She definitely was not about to lose the career she worked so hard for just because her husband preferred to go skinny. A broken condom was how he had been conceived. A cliché indeed! Haniel remembered how he had overheard them talking about it one night when his mum was drunk. She had lost her job and found solace by befriending the liquor bottle. He remembered he had been seven then. As she shouted at his father, she called him a ‘freak of nature’, an ‘unwanted child’ and went on to call him a ‘mistake of the highest order’. As the forces continued to fight each other for dominance, he couldn’t help but think of the sadness he had lived with just because of his mum’s admission. He had hated her with all his might, blaming her (rightly!) for creating a freak of nature. While that thought danced in his memory, he also remembered how his father never came to his aid, never looked at him like a person, never hugged him nor allayed his fears. His brothers, who had been born seven years after him, were no solace to him. All attention shifted from him as his parents basked in the perfection they had created…and at one go. As his brothers grew up, they went from awed wonder at his difference to downright meanness. The picture of his brothers taunting him until he couldn’t cry anymore kept flicking in his head. He didn’t know when he had become hardened, but hardened he was. His only solace was porn and he was sure that if he hadn’t been addicted, he wouldn’t have been in the mess he was in now.  A force stronger than the others bellowed from somewhere outside of him. He watched as a cloud hovered in front of, and around him. The cloud was both a person and not a person: there but somehow elusive. He was sure of one thing: he was freaking scared! Never before had he felt such a malevolent spirit like the one he was seeing. The others paled in comparison. He wanted to run, but even without the other forces, he was sure he couldn’t have been able to go anywhere.  The spirit spoke in some language that could have been Klingon for all he cared. While it sent down chills up and down his spine, it had the effect of stilling the other forces. He watched as the spirit walked – literally – into his body, experiencing in totality all the vile forces which its invasion enacted. Even his cells seemed to shrink in the presence of the ‘being’. His body bent forward and began to convulse. His eyes bulged to the point of popping and the searing pain he felt in every nerve ending of his body was something he could not have fathomed possible. He wanted to die at that point! He begged death to take him, to have mercy on him. It seemed like forever but it was soon over.  In his view, it was still the worst moment of his life! The being settled and all was normal…or as normal as it could be. As soon as it settled in, making sure the other forces were cowering in its presence, it made Haniel’s body stand up. It looked around, seeming to look for something. Then it (using his body) walked to the door, put its hand on it…and opened. He was no longer in control of his body. It had taken over and become one with him. With purposeful strides, it marched down the stairs and followed through to the dining room. Though he was completely taken over, he couldn’t help but enjoy a brief moment of satisfaction at seeing the horror and revulsion on his family’s faces. His dad dropped his wine glass, shattering it, while the clattering sound of his mum’s cutlery could have been deafening if he had not been enjoying himself so. The being strode to the table, pulled out a chair and sat down. His brothers, with mouths agape, stared at him. ‘Serve me a plate mother dearest.‘, it said in a voice that was deep, husky and surprisingly very, very sexy; something his voice had never been. The pensiveness of the forces was escalating and they wanted to have a go at his family. They were bustling to escape his body, to attack his family. He was not surprised that he didn’t feel any iota of pity. In his view, they deserved what they were going to get. They had put him through so much and now, maybe they would feel a tiny bit of the pain he had had to suffer. He hated them and he was unapologetic for that! The domineering spirit turned in his body and looked at him. He cringed, trying to make himself even smaller (if that was even possible) than his minute existence. The spirit grew bigger,

Ripple Effect (I)

Credit: Google He was masturbating at his bedroom desk. He had become addicted to self-pleasure since he had clocked thirteen. The internet had become his haven and pornography his past time. The past three years had been a breeze for him. He didn’t have to deal with the abject rejection that spewed from his parents and the pity that came from strangers. It all began at his birth. Everyone balked at his deformity. He had lazy eyes, his mouth askew; resulting in a constant drool of spittle down the side of his chin. His arms and legs were thin and could hardly support his malformed torso. His head was constantly lolling to the side, requiring his shoulder for balance. As he grew up, it didn’t take him long to realize that people were repulsed by his grotesque figure. It wasn’t long before he learnt to keep to himself. He had asked his parents to remove the mirrors and all shiny surfaces from his room. Even he couldn’t look at himself. Whenever he looked at his body, he was greeted by the ugly, huge splotches like eczema traversing his entire body. He found they were called psoriasis. The only parts of his body that had developed well were his brain and his penis. At sixteen, his brain was as sharp as Albeit Einstein’s and though he hated it, his penis was as huge as Mandingo’s. While most people with a brain like that would have thought of changing the world, he couldn’t be bothered. The world had rejected him and he was returning the favor with a flip of his middle finger as the nice Cherrie on top! There were two things that couldn’t be taken away from him; his active imagination and libido. Put those two together and even the best porn sites couldn’t match the scenes he came up with. He pulled up dark, painful ways of having sex. His imaginations aroused him so much that he masturbated every day. It started out once a day until he was fully addicted to getting off. That was his only respite from the life he was forced to live. After all, he couldn’t pretend anymore that the looks from his parents were anything but hurtful. When, at fourteen, he told his parents he could home school himself (using the internet), it was all they could do not to jump in glee. They gladly accepted his proposal to shut himself in his room. Even his personal maid couldn’t look at him without that slight disgust ‘normal’ people gave the physically challenged. One day, he cooked up a plan to see just how repulsive he was to the world. He lay naked on his bed as his maid was about to do her routine. When she entered, her reaction was epic! Though her scream was funny, it showed just how much everyone in general (and women in particular) was repulsed by him. He wasn’t ever going to get laid by anyone, so he did himself. His room was his prison but the internet was his gateway to whatever world he wanted to see. His family would be having Sunday dinner now. The maid had brought his in and told him she’d see him tomorrow. Her jangling backside in her uniform had set him on edge. As soon as she closed the door behind her, he went to his desk with his body oil and opened his new fetish: lesbian porn. He was slowly working himself to pleasure when a pop-up ad caught his attention. ‘Want to have women flock around you and kowtow to your every desire?’ He stopped his rhythmic stroke and looked at the pop-up again. He moved his right hand to his mouse and moved the cursor to the ad. For a second there, he was torn between continuing his pleasure ride and finding out about women bowing to him. In the end, masturbation was okay but he wanted to bury himself in a woman. He clicked the ad and was redirected to the full webpage: Satan’s Lair. He quickly skimmed through the introduction and perused the website, mentally praising the creators for their ingenuity. He admitted to himself that the moment he saw the domain name, he thought he would see images of what the world defined as demons, but all he saw were well clad people and simple, everyday grammar that anyone could understand. He wanted to exit the page and continue his pleasure when the screen metamorphosed into a slide show of the most beautiful women he had ever seen. The message popped up again, this time, bolder. ‘Want to have women flock around you and kowtow to your every desire?’ At the base of the message was a simple ‘Yes’. No ‘Not now’ or ‘Maybe later‘ nor even ‘Cancel‘. He laughed a bit. ‘The devil is pretty cocky huh?’ He thought to himself as he clicked the ‘Yes’ button.  The page expanded to show a sign up page. Odd. No ‘Sign In’; just ‘Sign Up’. He shrugged and started filling in his details, making sure to fill the wrong ones. Full Name: John Huge (he snickered as he typed that) Email: johnhugeD@yahoo.com Password: ************** Re-enter password: **************   I agree to all terms and conditions SUBMIT He hovered over the submit button, a small part of him urging him to read the terms and conditions, but he was too eager to see what the site could offer. He quickly submitted. The screen went blank! No icons, no nothing, almost like he had turned off the computer. He bent down to look at the CPU, and saw that the system was still running. He took his head back up just in time to see the monitor come back on; opening at the sign up page with his details. Like something out of a movie, his entries deleted themselves, one letter at a time, slowly but surely. His eyes were riveted to the screen, shocked beyond measure. That was when he felt the presence of something malevolent, something deliberately evil and very rotten at its core. He wanted

Side Chick II

People at an airport. To get acquainted with the story, read SIDE CHICK I here . This sequel was written by Abe Onche. Would the police be waiting for her? She wondered if she was wanted or not as she idly flipped the pages of her passport. With nothing but her hand luggage, she was intent on not staying too long in the airport. The busy streets of Lagos would welcome any stranger and it wouldn’t really be that hard to disappear. It was good to be home again. The humidity of Lagos was never to be missed, but still, it was more Nigerian than any other place in the country, and it was a perfect contrast to bring her memories of Paris bubbling back up to the surface, not unlike her last glass of champagne down by the Seine. More nerve-wracking than she’d admit, she approached the immigration workers who searched her with dull, tired cow eyes and waved her off. Well, not completely. There was one gentleman who seemed to focus on her for just a little too long, but she didn’t press the issue when he turned awkwardly away as she shot him “the look”. Toasters…Ugh. She had fifty-seven messages by the time she remembered to put her SIM back in her phone, though it wasn’t strange considering she had just up and left for two weeks. She spent most of the ride to the local terminal laughing over the myriad texts from her besties. They all thought she was dead, and she knew she would be once they found out she’d up and gone like a shot to the City of Lights. “Good thing I brought treats”, she chuckled. There were a few more serious text messages from her boss. The old lech must have been worried sick over where his golden goose had gone off to. No doubt he would have tried to reach…”him”…but Masha reckoned “he” wouldn’t have been entertaining too many calls considering the state she left him in. No…he wouldn’t be entertaining anything for a while. *** Port Harcourt was home, and Masha felt exactly that. She had managed to forget virtually everything that had happened in the past month, what with all the busybodies that surrounded her constantly. Her sisters were ecstatic going through her phone, cooing at all the selfies Masha had taken with the crème of Paris. It was a good thing her childhood homie had up and become a designer straight after secondary school; otherwise she might not have swung it. It was hell and a half to salvage any of the clothes she bought from them, but she laughed at the wardrobe nostalgia. Port Harcourt was turning out to be as much fun as she could have at home. Mildred and Zeke – Who-Must-Not-Be-Izzy, her  BFFs, came in from Warri and spent a whole weekend catching up. They all skirted around Kaduna until she was ready to talk about it, but she never mentioned Nonso, or what he did to her… or what she did to him. She had buried it deep behind her smile, and it wasn’t that hard since she could get lost in the lives of everyone around her. They went to the cinema after one particularly slow morning though, and they relished the chance to see something new besides Masha. For some crazy reason, they had the hall all to themselves so they were more than happy to recline on the cushions, put their feet on the headrests and throw stale popcorn at each other. It was just like old time, with a little twist though. Mili and Zeke had apparently started dating when they met up in Warri, and they’d been dying for a chance to tell her in person. She’d seen it coming a mile away; they were so in love it was almost annoying. Whenever they looked at each other, they were so warm and fuzzy, they made her feel warm and fuzzy. She was happy for them, truly, but she couldn’t help thinking of herself, how she had been happy and now she wasn’t. “Mash! Snap out of it already! You’re zoning out again!” Mili poked a carefully lacquered fingernail gently into Masha’s cheek. “This is Houston calling Masha. Please respond.” “Careful.” Masha said, chuckling “I’ve seen people lose fingers like that.” “Oh puh-lease dear. If one finger is going to get you back from the twilight zone, then girl, there is a reason Zeke here has ten.” ‘Hey!’ Zeke quipped. ‘I need these too y’know. Who’s going to play the piano on Sunday?” “Sunday” made something lurch in Masha’s stomach. Like some kind of password, it rushed blood to her face and suddenly she felt oven hot and clustered as though she were in a boiler room. She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down. Zeke and Mili were chatting on, oblivious of what was happening to her. She did her best to zone them out, trying to focus on breathing. Then like a surge, memories began to flash in her head, conversations with Annie, being at Our Family Church, the choir over and over again, singing the same songs, the voice of the pastor talking about priorities, Annie bringing more membership forms, loading up the bus on Kaduna road, the prayer sessions….the speaking in tongues, the kabashing, droning on endlessly in her head…Nonso kneeling in front of the bed, praying…naked Nonso kneeling…Nonso getting on the bed, touching her…Nonso tied on the bed…his eyes focused, his mouth moving with no words coming out…the knife in her hand…Nonso in her hand… “MASHA, CUT IT OUT!” “Jesus!!” she yelled out loud, nearly jumping out of her seat. She turned to Mili and Zeke, who stared at her as pale faced as two Africans could be. “Mash, what the hell is wrong with you?” Zeke’s tone told her he was in problem solving mode and she knew the jig was up. An interrogation was bound to happen. “We have to go,” she said. *** “WHAT WERE

Terror In The Dark

Scared black man.Image: Naijaloaded This is based on real events… Bashir jutted out of bed! 2:46am.  He stilled himself and listened. There it was again! There was no mistaking the sharp grating noise of someone trying to open his gate. His instinct was to jump out of bed and confront the person, but common sense (mixed with a healthy dose of fear) prevented him from doing so. He tip-toed to his window instead. Heart in mouth, he raised the curtain slightly.  Four men. All holding sticks and machetes. Not too burly, but with those weapons, they looked like giants. Bashir turned back. In the darkness of his room, he couldn’t really see much but he was acutely aware of the sleeping form of Aisha – his fiancée – who had come over for a sleep-over. His heart leaped into his mouth. What would they do to her? He couldn’t bear to picture it…them…over her…holding her down…NO! Now he knew real fear! ‘Who is there?!’ His father shouted.   Like most Muslim Northerners, Bashir lived in the same compound as his family; living in a separate apartment to give his family space, but close enough to protect them if the need arose. The need had risen! ‘Who is there I said?’ His father hollered at the intruders. ‘Your Father!‘ One of the men hollered. ‘You in for it!’ At that, Aisha jumped out of bed.  ‘Go down baby.’ Bashir whispered before drawing up air into his lungs for a good ole scream. His sisters beat him to the punch. ‘Thieves! Thieves! Thieves!’ Bashir quickly joined in the shouts as Aisha dove straight for the tiles. Though all the men were heading to the main house, one turned towards Bashir’s apartment, with his upraised machete. Bashir ran to the spot beneath his clothes hanger and coiled up in a ball, not knowing if the assailant had any fire power. He didn’t make the slightest sound, though the thumping of his heart was deafening. He hoped it wouldn’t give his location away to his assailant. The robber opened the window of his sitting room and flashed his torchlight. ‘No one is here.’ he shouted to his colleagues. He tried the bedroom window but it was firmly bolted from within. All the while, Bashir’s sisters, mother and father kept shouting that there were thieves in the house. The shouts reached a crescendo when neighbors in other compounds joined in the screams. Bashir got up and started towards the curtain again, only to be plumped down by Aisha. ‘Don’t go there baby!’ She whispered hoarsely, her fear palpable. He pried her off him, trying very hard not to be rough. ‘I just need to find out if they are still here.’ Aisha wouldn’t listen to anything. She kept pulling him down when he tried to get up, refusing to let him put himself in harm’s way. Bashir’s phone rang. There was that moment of frozen silence just before Aisha grabbed the device in a fear-frenzy, trying all her best to end the call. Bashir grabbed the phone from her hand and answered it. The look Aisha gave him (as reflected by the soft glow of the phone) could have quelled a lesser man. He turned away from her and… ‘Hello?’ he all but croaked. Aisha was beyond livid. How could he receive a call in the middle of a robbery? She wanted to slap the sense into him, but she was powerless to do anything. ‘Did they enter your house too?’ he asked the caller, whom Aisha was really beginning to loathe. Bashir listened a bit. ‘Okay…I think they have gone but please, keep calling the police men.’ He listened again. ‘Okay. Thanks man. I owe you one.‘ he said as he ended the call. This time, he got up and went to the curtain. He looked through and couldn’t find anyone. He stood at different angles, using the moon’s guide to search the length and breadth of the compound. Still no one. He knew that it would be fallacy to think they had gone. He remained in his room and listened for any foot falls. There were none.  Bashir went back to Aisha. He touched her and felt her jump a bit. ‘It is okay baby. I think they are gone.’ ‘How can you know that?’ ‘I don’t. But I’ve checked all around and I can’t seem to find them. They cannot afford to still be around, especially with the community shouts for help. The police have got to be on their way soon. So…let’s hope for the best.’ Aisha was still skeptical, but she allowed herself to be pulled into his arms as he pulled her into bed. As they laid together, they could both hear their hearts thumping in their respective cages and that seemed to pull them closer. They held each other, urging the other to sleep but not dispelling the adrenaline fast enough to allow that. They were scared, but they at least had each other. *** The ruckus outside jolted Bashir from his sleep. 3:52am. He heard a slight scuffle. Aisha was up like a lightning bolt. She had not slept, listening for the slightest sound and worrying to no end. It seemed like the robbers had returned with reinforcements. The gate was kicked in and five men in the Nigerian army uniform bust into the house. One quickly went into the recesses of the compound, while the others placed themselves strategically around. Though Aisha couldn’t see all that, she quickly went to the floor. ‘Come out.’ One of the men bellowed. Aisha started praying. She felt like this was going to be her last day on earth. It wasn’t surprising when no one responded. One of the men went up the stairs and banged the door. ‘Come out!’ Bashir had already made up his mind that he wasn’t going to respond when he heard his father open the door. He quickly went to his own door and opened it. He had to protect his

Side Chick

Woman Screaming.Image: Politics and Fashion Masha Agada got into her car and finally screamed. She had just calmly walked out of her boyfriend’s…no, ex-boyfriend’s house, after telling him it was over. She was shaking vigorously as she gripped the steering wheel. The tears were seconds away from cascading down her eyes, but she had promised she wouldn’t let any man see her cry, especially not the jerk called Nonso. Well…she could cry now; in the comforts of her car. But she wasn’t going to! She gulped in air and tried to steady her nerves. When her heart rate wasn’t shooting off the roof anymore, she put the key in the ignition and slowly pulled out of the street. *** Masha was new to town. She had been transferred by her bank to the Kaduna office in Kakuri. Unlike most people, Masha relished the transfer to Kaduna. She had wanted to leave Port Harcourt and all the drama she had accrued; from the fiancé who had shattered her heart when she caught him cheating, to finding out her boss whom she held in high regards was stealing from the bank. And even though she was one of the hardest working marketers in the bank, her refusal to have sex with many clients meant she often couldn’t meet her monthly target of ₦50 million. It was the perfect excuse for her boss. When he initiated and approved her transfer, it was so he could keep his secret. So when Masha heard Kaduna, she jumped at the opportunity; even though she knew no one there. When Masha finally resumed in Kaduna, she was welcomed with very open arms. It seemed people were falling all over themselves to be friends with her. She quickly felt at home. After her first week at work, she asked one of her colleagues – Annie – about the churches in town. Annie attended Our Family Church and invited Masha to check it out. Masha agreed. On Sunday, she was dressed in her fashion-best and ready to enjoy a great service. When she pulled into the parking lot of the church, she was welcomed with bright smiles and effusive hugs. Masha felt overwhelmed! She hadn’t known church could be such a warm, welcoming place! What part of the world had she been living in?! When she finally entered the church, she gasped in pure delight because the interior decoration was perfect! As the service proceeded, Masha drank in the exuberance of the choir, the message, the way they welcomed new comers and the general atmosphere of service. At the end of service, Masha had decided she was going to be a member of the church. She asked for membership forms and filled them out. When Masha got home that day, she knew she had found a new home. *** After six months undergoing membership training, Masha finally became a full church member. She quickly joined the church choir and totally gave herself to the community. Masha had a triangle of movement: home, work, church, and back home again. Her social life was her church and most times, she only went home to sleep. It wasn’t long before the church started buzzing about the new girl and her dedication to the things of God. With her growing fame, so were her suitors. All types of men came her way. She always turned them down because, for the most part, they were lacking in something she truly desired: better knowledge about God than she had. Most of the men just didn’t quite hit the mark. Many were willing to compromise on issues and most especially on sex. It wasn’t like she was a virgin; she had just made a commitment to God to not have sex again until she was married! So when ‘brothers’ couldn’t get her resolve, she dropped them from her friend list faster than they could holler ‘Hallelujah!’ She deftly parried the advances of the single guys until the day she met Nonso. *** Nonso was not Masha’s dream man. He was short, not conventionally handsome, and had his facial features burned by acne. When he talked, saliva gathered at the edges of his lips. He also walked funny: something that would have been suave with a taller man, but seemed weird with him. What he lacked in physical looks, he more than made up with his voice. When he spoke, he could turn heads and melt hearts. He would have made a great public speaker, but he chose a career in real estate. He was the chief consultant at one of the leading real estate firms, with a knack for ‘sniffing’ what property would rake in millions. He was invaluable to his firm. In church, he maintained an aloof distance, saying he couldn’t be in any department because he was too busy. And because it was a fast-growing church, no one noticed him. When he walked up to Masha, she was ready to brush him off with a quick smile and a harried ‘Hello’ when his voice stopped her in her tracks. Masha was not impressed with his command of English because he tended to use big words where small ones could do. She stayed talking to him only because of the quality of his voice. When she eventually left him, she was glad he hadn’t asked for her number. She just didn’t have the time for men. *** When Masha got called to her boss’ office on Monday, she was not ready for what he was about to dish.  ‘So…heard of Barkley’s Real Estate?’ he asked. Masha nodded her head to one side, thinking. ‘Only vaguely.‘   ‘Well, they are the biggest real estate company in the North, with headquarters here. We have been trying to get them to bank with us, to no avail.’ From the tone of his voice, it was easy to see how much he had tried. Masha, thoughtful, replied. ‘Okay…let me study their portfolio and see what strategy we can use to lure them in.’ Her

The Proposal

Image: Xinature The sun kissed the waters in warm, flirty tones. The churning sea returned the kiss with as much fervor, reflecting the purple-burgundy complexion of her lover. The sun was withdrawing its warmth from the corners of the earth as she prepared to take a snooze. The wind, in defiance of the sun, picked up her dance, ruffling the trees clothing the bank of the seas. It wasn’t a surprise when the wind playfully lifted her skirts. She twirled and twirled, laughing, basking in the slowly-cooling dance of the wind and the ebbing heat of the sun. She was happy!  It was her first time at the beach. Somehow, she got convinced to take a break from her usually hectic life. She felt so glad that she had come. Only one man could have made her do so. She stopped twirling, turned to him…and smiled. He walked languidly, until he was abreast with her, the squish-squish of the wet sand the only evidence he wasn’t gliding towards her. His smile said it all. He was happy too! And better still, he was happy that he made her happy. Like a child, she squealed in delight and jumped into his arms. He twirled her until she became dizzy. They both fell to the sand in ecstatic laughter. All was right with the world! Roy and Melanie were perfect for each other. They got up and started walking the wave-kissed bank, arm in arm, two love birds enjoying the last of the sun’s glory and the company of each other. Roy stopped Mel. She looked up at his tall, handsome physique, and still managed to blush while smiling. Roy’s face was set in stone. Something was wrong. He stared at Mel with such intensity that she began to fidget. ‘What is wrong baby?’ Roy stared at her for a few more seconds. He then dropped on one knee, taking her left hand. Mel gasped. She tried to pull away from him. He held her hand firmly. ‘Mel…’ he stared at her, his expression like someone who swallowed a wasp. He looked so uncomfortable that Mel wanted to run the other way. He put his hand in the back pocket of his loose slacks. Mel was fidgeted. ‘Roy…don-‘ He put his finger on her lips. ‘Shhhh! don’t speak baby.’  Mel kept quiet. She couldn’t speak if she wanted to. Blood rushed to her head. Roy turned his face away, like he was a king in a drama. Mel wondered if he was acting or really feeling all the emotions his face was showing. He pulled out something and with the toothiest grin ever, and opened his palm. In his hands was a Toblerone chocolate; dark Toblerone. ‘Why on earth don’t you like dark chocolate?’ he asked. Mel nearly died…of relief! She breathed out a huge ‘phewww!’ The blood rushed back to her face and her skin began to look more alive than before. She playfully jabbed him and pulled him up. She ended up hugging him. ‘I almost thought that was a proposal…whewwww! I just did-‘  She paused when she noticed that Roy was more interested in unwrapping the Toblerone than he was in listening to her. He had become all serious again and this time, Mel knew she was in trouble.  Roy opened the chocolate and there in the shiny paper lay the most beautiful sapphire ring ever! ‘I love you baby…and I feel like I’ve been in heaven since we started dating. Well, not always heaven, but it is as close as it can get. I want to have this piece of heaven for all eternity. Will you, Melanie Davidson Olaolu, be my wife?’ This time, Mel pulled away from his arm. She took a couple of steps back from him. She had lost all color and happiness, becoming a picture in sadness. Roy could feel her soul disconnecting from him. It wasn’t just a physical pull-out. She began to wring out her fingers, a clear sign that her nervousness was beyond her control. ‘Mel…’ She pulled further away, such that she was no longer fully facing him. ‘Say something…’ Mel looked at him and he saw his answer in her face, her demeanor, and her sad eyes. She didn’t need to say it, but Roy needed to hear it. He needed to know that what he saw was really true. ‘Bae….I’m sorry.’  Roy crumbled, though he remained kneeling, whether by sheer will, or because his brain couldn’t move past the icebox that had suddenly frozen his heart. ‘I am not ready to get married any time soon. I want to wait for at least…’ she looked at his face, his stony expression and she shut up. He got up and stood looking at her. ‘We have been dating for four years. When is the right time to get married? Huh?’ The increase in the pitch of Roy’s voice wasn’t lost on Mel. He was definitely angry!  ‘I just…phewww…marriage takes a lot out of a person. It sucks a person until they totally lose themselves in their spouses. With the rate of divorces in the world today, this is not an institution I want to rush into and just jump out when it gets hard; and it will get hard! So…I don’t want to lose myself before I’ve found me.’ She reached out to touch Roy but he shrugged her off. ‘Since you are all about finding yourself and not losing you, I hope it all works out fine because you just lost me.’ He said with certain finality.  ‘Goodbye Melanie. Enjoy your great life. And… when you find you, tell her I said she is a coward who is too afraid to get out of her comfort zone and trust a person. You know what? Scratch that! Maybe I just dodged a bullet! Goodbye!’  With that, he stomped off in the direction of his car. The squish of the sand couldn’t remove the determined anger that every step signified. It didn’t matter that that was also Mel’s ride.

Wedding Fever

Image: Fashion of Philly The constant chirping of the phone wakes her up. She tries to get her befuddled mind to block the annoying sound. She reaches for her phone with slow, sleep-dazed movements until she finally finds it. ‘Why wouldn’t it just shut up?’ She thinks to herself. ‘Maybe if I just ignore them, they will go away’.  She tucks the phone beneath her pillow to muffle the sound. Silence! Now she can return to her blissful sleep! Just as she snuggles into her very comfortable bed and begins to feel the tentative grip of sleep… ‘Chirrrrrpppppppppp…’ She flails her arms in exasperation and flings her pillow to the far end of the room. ‘WHAT?!’ She shouts as soon as she picks up the phone, looking at her glow-in-the-dark wall clock and realizing that it was three’ O clock.‘Ore mi! Wake up jare! I’ve got the most exciting news!’ Gbemi. She sighs.  Gbemi is an overly dramatic lady and it is no wonder that she is calling Mara at 3am.  Mara: ‘You do realize it is the middle of the effing night right, yeah?’ Any other person would have quietly dropped the phone and called back. But no…not Gbemi! Gbemi was never phased by Mara.Gbemi: ‘See you! Lazy bones! Wake up and listen jare…’If any one is a lazy bone, it is Queen Gbemisola Aransiola herself! She has never worked a day in her life. Don’t be lolled into thinking she is a spoiled daughter of a wealthy family. Far from it! In fact, Gbemi is from a poor home; well…not piss poor but definitely not middle class comfortable either. Some days, they can afford to eat a little piece of meat and some other days, Garri and Kuli-Kuli (without sugar, milk or even cold water). Mara, lost in thought, doesn’t hear what Gbemi says.Gbemi: ‘…to me and I screamed!’ ‘Gbemi…Sleep still dey my head. Wetin you dey talk?’ Mara asked while muffling a yawn. Gbemi: ‘Mtcheeewwww! Stop forming sleep jare and listen! I said Jafar came over yesterday…’She goes on and on, not realizing that Mara is drifting in and out of sleep. But Mara jolts out of her sleep at one word. ‘…proposed to me! I couldn’t breathe! OMG!…’So that was it! Gbemi was engaged! No surprise there since that had always been her life long dream.Like many girls, Gbemi looked forward to her wedding day. She planned carefully how she’d look, what kind of dress she’d wear, her shoes and accessories and even the reception venue.Like a good number of girls too, every time she went for a wedding, or glanced at a wedding magazine or even watched any of the big society weddings, she always changed her own wedding plans. She lived for that day when she would say the golden words: I DO. Gbemi is a school dropout. She had come to the conclusion that educating a woman was pointless since she would end up as a wife, a mother, a lover, cook, cleaner and home maker. After dropping out, she proceeded to make herself as attractive as was humanly possible so she could catch the ‘highest bidder’ and live the fab life.It was no surprise then that Jafar, son of the wealthy Abdullahi Wasa found her irresistible at a party he attended. What was a surprise was that he remained enamored of her when he discovered her family earned as much as one of his cleaners. Jafar refused to let her go and somehow got his parents to accept her as his girlfriend.Gbemi’s friends, including Mara, thought that he just wanted her for fun. So Mara’s reaction was not from jealousy but shock. Mara: ‘Did you say Jafar proposed to you?’ Gbemi: ‘Duh! Are you suddenly deaf?! He not only proposed, he wants us to be married in three months!’ Mara shot out of her bed. ‘THREE MONTHS?! Are you pregnant or something?!’ Gbemi: ‘Abegi! No jare! I’m not. He just can’t wait to have me all to himself. I’m getting married baby!’When the conversation was over, Mara couldn’t go back to sleep. Gbemi is her best friend and though Mara had begged her to stay in school, she blatantly refused. Gbemi believed that a man was supposed to provide all a woman needs while she takes care of the home front. Mara tried to tell her that she needs to make herself relevant as marriage isn’t the essence of existence. All her pleas fell on deaf ears; Gbemi was bent on getting married to a rich dude who would take care of her for life.When Mara started to sleep off, she realized that Gbemi didn’t know what she was getting into. As she finally fell into that world of unconsciousness, her alarm clock buzzed. She had to get up and prepare for work. She shouted like a banshee, expressed her frustration at her innocent pillow and finally got up. Over the coming weeks, Gbemi became a thorn in Mara’s side. She would call at all hours to talk wedding plans. Her every conversation was laced with her upcoming wedding. What was worse was that she could turn ANY conversation into something about her wedding.For instance, last month when they were in the market buying things for dinner, a truck sped and caused many Okada riders to swerve off its path. This caused a minor accident. When Mara complained about the truck driver speeding in a crowded market, Gbemi replied by saying, ‘My wedding convoy will proceed so slowly, people will think a queen is making a procession’. If Mara could have removed her eyes to roll them, she sure would have done so.When they watched Transformers, Gbemi said, ‘On my wedding day, my transformation will be so epic, people might not know it is same old me oh’.What was worse was that two weeks to her wedding, her mum told her that one of their distant uncles had died and she replied, ‘Eyah…he is going to miss my wedding oh!’Gbemi was so obsessed with her wedding plans that she wasn’t even planning for the marriage itself. She was not asking major questions about what was expected of