Sex… And How Our Parents Lied To Us
Black Couple at the beach. Image: Pinterest Do you remember that conversation you had with your parents about sex? It was probably on that day when you had your very first menstruation. Or maybe, that day when your neighbor’s daughter came home pregnant and the entire street got a free show. Either way, something must have triggered the talk. Now, it didn’t matter if you were as close to your parents as peas in a pod or had a run-away-to-my-room-as-soon-as-daddy-shows-up attitude. What mattered was that, if you had a conversation about sex with your parents, it most definitely must have been AWKWARD! Thing is, as awkward as it must have been for you, it must have been ten times worse for your parents (okay…a little exaggeration. Maybe, two times more). Imagine the horror they must have felt trying to explain sex to you; a child they brought into the world. Multiply that horror by two if you were a very inquisitive child. If it wasn’t so serious, it could actually be very funny. In retrospect, you knew you couldn’t dare laugh. What was worse, parents knew that too. They also knew they could not laugh either. With that much pressure, it is no wonder that they sometimes resort to flat out lies in order to keep us in check. Done out of love as they would say, these lies have shaped how we view sex today. Here is a list of some of the lies our parents told us about sex. Lie #1: Your virginity is your most valuable asset and the best gift you can give a man. Image: Discover ideas about African American Tattoos Some might be nodding their heads in remembrance of this one. Is this statement even sensible? How can virginity be ranked as a woman’s most precious asset?! What happened to her brain? What happened to the influence with which she was created with? When you take a look at this statement, you see the hand of some very misogynistic group of people who do not think that there is more to a woman than her ‘honey pot’. These ideas formed the core of society’s norms and were further translated to kids from their parents. So, the question that begs to be asked is: when the virginity goes, does her value go with it too? Is her virginity supposed to help her husband be the man he ought to be? Is her virginity going to help her manage a home, and if she works, still keep a balance between home and career and all other things she does? How come the one thing that is taken in a jiffy is deemed the most important asset she could bring to the table? What is worse, there are men who have married virgins and who are totally disgusted with their character flaws, personal hygiene or general persona. He will not care if she was a virgin if she falls short in other areas that are necessary for the partnership. It then goes to show that the hymen CANNOT possibly the most valuable thing that you can give a man. Lie #2: If you do not have sex before your wedding night, your husband will love and value you more. You all know that couple who start the day with a brawl, a loud shout or the sound of the wife used as a punching bag. The presence or absence of the hymen doesn’t make a wife beater hang his gloves, nor does it make an emotionally empty man show love and affection to his wife. There are men who have married virgins yet have gone on to disrespect them in public. Some have gone as far as withdrawing their affection and cheating on them, even to the tune of dating their very best friends, and in some cases, their sisters. Virginity is no guarantee that a man will treat a woman right when she becomes his wife. Also, the fact that your husband was your first doesn’t mean he will be so enamored of your vagina that he won’t stray to some other woman. If you are in doubt, go ask all the virgins-before-marriage who are dealing with straying husbands. Lie #3: If you have sex before marriage, your husband will lose his savor for you. Truth is, whether you have sex before or after marriage, your husband will eventually lose his savor for you…as you will lose yours for him. Keeping desire afire in a marriage is a full time responsibility required by both husband and wife. That is why you might start your marriage hitting it five times a day and then slow down to once a day, once a week, once in three months and in some instances, never at all. It is a natural phenomenon. Laws of diminishing return always sets in and sex is no exception. Your precious ‘virginity gift’ wouldn’t make your husband bury himself in you for the rest of his life. He will get up; even it is just to pee. Lie #4: Sex is disgusting. Image: Discover ideas about Black Couple Art This line is usually towed by religious fanatics. They hammer on how disgusting the sexual act is, going as far as saying it is sin, even in the confines of marriage. There are stories of people who get up from having sex with their spouse to bent-knees in prayer to ‘cleanse themselves’. You begin to wonder how they can take that stand when God created coitus, not just for procreation but for communion and fun. Well…if that is your belief anyway. There is absolutely nothing disgusting about sex. Lie #5: A woman who wants to know about sex is a ‘whore’. Many women get engaged to men and the issue of sex never comes up. When they eventually get married, they suffer through their husbands sexual overtures without saying anything. Many of these women don’t even know that sex can (and should) be pleasurable for them. They lie
